Sun Mote Copse if heaven's grief brings hell's rain

@Mara Susi

He was admittedly a little far from Tindómë's borders, given how recently he had approached the pack to join. But he would return soon, once he had walked off whatever... this was. The walks seemed to help less lately-- being around others was causing things to bubble and rise to the surface. Things he'd rather forget. 

Nathaniel had never been great at managing his emotions. As a boy they had always gotten the best of him, twisted him into an ugly bitter little thing, quick to snap and slow to apologize. The harsh life of a soldier had taught him to stuff them away, bottle them, but the storm still raged within. More so when it had a reason. He allowed himself, briefly, to picture what he had lost.

But then their cries filled his ears-- hers, his mate's, as she bled out on the battlefield-- and that of his pups, their wails as they starved while he could only watch helplessly. He had carried them for miles to find someone, anyone, who could nourish them. It had been for nothing.
His ears flattened and he stopped suddenly, taking a moment to survey the forest around him. It was dark, lonely; the perfect place for his brooding, he thought.

She was still going to do it. Maybe not now, after her encounter with an unlikely old friend - but she was still going to do it. This time making sure to be more careful and not let anyone catch her in the act, never wishing upon any pair of eyes to see such a sin. Whatever fire Chaska had lit in her cloudy mind was dimming, and wouldn't last much longer. Every step was like dragging a weighted chain while carrying the entire world upon her shoulders. 

Mara hadn't ever considered reaching out for help, from anyone - a stranger, maybe even Easthollow. Her chest hurt at the sudden thought of Steady, she could never face him or his family. Oh, god, he probably had a family now. While she stood loveless and pitiful. The once amiable, shy wolf was long lost, buried beneath layers of loss and pain. 

With her lack of smell, the wolfess jumped back when she unexpectedly saw a bulky male seemingly lost in thought. She was overcome with an odd fear, slowly calming down as she watched the stranger from behind. Maybe he'll kill me. The depressed girl was even astonished by her own thought, she'd never been so morbid in her entire life. It was unsettling what she'd become, only increasing her want to remove herself even more.

He shouldn't have been as surprised as he was when someone suddenly disturbed his thoughts, wrapped up as he was in them. Twin gems, brilliant blue, fixed on the girl with a curious sparkle. Nathaniel was slightly wary after his last encounter with a stranger, considering how damn rude she had turned out to be, but it didn't much color his opinion of this newcomer.
Hello. Nat greeted her, tone friendly, having not noticed her jump just a moment ago. Don't suppose you're here to put me out of my misery? There was humor in his voice, and he smiled slightly as he said it. He didn't know, couldn't have known, that her thoughts almost mirrored his that moment. If he had, it might have drawn a chuckle from him. 

Unexpected as it was, Mara was even more shocked to spot the strangers intense sapphire eyes, sending an unanticipated bolt of electricity through her body. It was a foreign and puzzling feeling, which she ignored no matter how difficult it seemed to be. Despite his hypnotic gaze, she was still gravely intimidated by his burly frame. Yet, filled with surprises, his tone was welcoming and warm. 

His next comment made her run cold, body stiff for a few moments as she flashed to the river filling her lungs, fearing if my some supernatural reasoning he knew and was toying with her. When deducting it had to be an unsettling coincidence, she gave a shy and slightly amused huff. "I was hoping it'd be the other way around,"  Her response was unlike her, though nothing was really much like her anymore. Was she finding humor in this, now? In truth, it didn't feel too bad.

He chuckled at that. Sorry, princess. Not in the habit of unprovoked murder.
Nathaniel stepped a bit closer to the other wolf, sniffing at the air around her. He wasn't really in the mood for the interaction, but he was the one who had greeted her, so he decided to suck it up and introduce himself. Name's Nathaniel.

After a moment, he added: It's dangerous to wander about strange forests after sundown. His tone was not threatening or unkind, but slightly dark nonetheless. It spoke of more experience with such scenarios than he had wanted. The things that lurk around in the dark-- none of them are good.
Then he smirked. And you won't always have the luxury of finding someone as big as me to hide behind.

Princess. Something about the title was so perplexing, she was unable to tell if it was a demeaning comment or just a simple nickname. Either way, it still made her heart jump at the notion of being royalty - not like she deserved it. ”Mara, pleasure to meet you.” Was it? She didn’t know, her voice was still soft and welcoming, nonetheless. 

Nathaniel, what a valiant name.

His words that would once bring a sharp fear directly into an innocent mind only gave her an unsettling sense of hope. He was exactly right, it was dangerous and that was exactly what she had anticipated. ”Who’s to say I need to be hidden?” She sauntered closer to him, absorbing his gleaming cobalt orbs. What the hell was she saying? This wasn’t her at all, but this stranger seemed to provoke an unusual  coyness that she never was bold enough to show off. 

In any other situation, he would’ve been right. She did need someone strong and chivalrous to keep her safe from unknown forests surrounded by a blanket of shadows. ”I’m not trying to hide.” A subtle meloncholy tone intertwined with her words, but could only be caught by someone who actually took interest in their peer. She wasn’t trying to hide, she was trying to die.

He found the name fitting; short, pretty, and graceful. It was true that Nathaniel didn't often allow himself such simple-minded observations, but this Mara girl was proving remarkably non-irritating. That in itself inspired a fonder way of thinking towards her.
Though, he was admittedly surprised when she stepped closer to him, and more so at her words. The ex-soldier had seen and felt it in himself enough to recognize what lay behind her words. He got the sense he wasn't the only one in this forest who had lost things too painful to put words to.
It softened him further-- though he was still likely more shocked than anyone when he found himself gently chiding her. Don't throw your life away, princess. He met her eyes, gaze intense. It's worth more than a shallow grave on the forest floor.

This wolf no, paranormal being had to be a mind reader. No, her words weren’t exactly the most subtle, but neither were they entirely alluding to her suicidal tendencies. Perhaps he was just easily picking up her more than pitiful vibe, maybe these thoughts weren’t foreign to his azure eyes. 

He said it again, princess. Now it didn’t seem as inglorious as it did the first time. Yet, just as the first her heart skipped again - why? His formal sense of comfort reminded her of Chaska, it seemed everyone believed the same. She did too, and would defend anyone’s choice to live rather than die except for her own. 

”I don’t mean to be rude,” Her voice lowered to an unconfrontational whisper, ”but I don’t wish to waste your time, my life really isn’t worth it.” In Mara’s mind, she was speaking completely out of truth. Her ears hovered lower than they had before, in quiet fear that he would react with anger or annoyance since she dared to object to his help. In no way was she not appreciative, in fact it filled her chest with very dim fire, to see a stranger so kind. One so willing to help, similar to what she would do. It was only out of care for not wanting to waste his breath on her pointless loath over herself.

Nathaniel snorted at that. Okay, it was a rude reaction, but he genuinely felt it was ridiculous.
Well, who fed you that load of shit? He inquired, sapphire eyes glinting.

Truthfully, he felt the only truly worthless wolves were the ones who would rather bring harm to others than do anything else. So far, this girl gave him none of those vibes-- so in his mind, the only possible explanation was that she was wrong. Somehow misled, by her own mind or by the words of someone else. It irritated him a bit, and it made him a bit sad, and really he didn't have time to convince her she was wrong, but...
But he was trying anyway, for this stranger, this unfamiliar princess with eyes that looked like heartbreak.

She was taken aback by his response, stepping slightly away from the male, frightened by his intenseness. Mara had never thought about that, it was all herself that’s been feeding her these ideas. That she was useless, pitiful, and unworthy. ”I...no one.” 

She felt this was a poor use of his time, that he could be doing just about anything more beneficial than this. Ugh! Mara was tired of being this pathetic constantly. Shifting her body language, to not cower at the slightest idea of something intimidating. Standing up a little taller, seeming a bit stronger, yet still the lingering distress pooled in her eyes.

No one? The ex-soldier's voice rose, sharp for a moment, but his next words were more forgiving. Then why torture yourself, princess?
Nathaniel took a step forward instinctively, though no aggression showed in his posture or expression. He studied her for a moment, as if he might read her thoughts if he memorized her face well enough. Part of him was rapidly beginning to become irritated-- but he didn't want her to go away anymore, he wanted to make sure she wasn't going to do anything stupid. Even if that meant he wasn't going to get his alone time.
It didn't really matter to Nat whether she wanted him to help her or not-- nor could he find it in himself to care that it was definitely a strange reaction.

His inquiry forced her to pause and think. She could understand why there was no point in living in this world any longer, but why did she constantly nag herself? For a brief moment, she felt the burning urge to cry. Her throat became irritated and inflamed, eyes threatening to tear. But no, she didn’t allow it to happen. For a reason she couldn’t identify, she wanted to present her best self, or what was left of it, to this...stranger. Her gaze gripped onto his own, unable to glance away at his intoxicating  – binding sapphire eyes. 

“There’s nothing left for me, I don’t see the beauty of living like I once had.” Mara concluded there was no point lying, or manipulating her words to him. She had nothing to lose, and nothing in hopes to gain. Her only planned action was to kill herself, whether it was evident or not. It was strange to imagine her perspective only months in the past, everything was seen through rose-tinted glasses. For once, she showed no indiciation of fear with his motion, only adjusting her head to better see his scrutinizing stare.

Nathaniel paused, unsure how to respond. There was no beauty in life from where he stood-- never had been. He almost felt he couldn't help her.

Can't expect the world to be gentle with you. The ex-soldier said, finally. You need some fight in you, princess. Life's always throwing punches, that's why you swing right back.
He sat down, still looking at Mara. Despite his lack of knowledge regarding seeing life as beautiful, he wanted to help. He saw potential in her, maybe the flicker of something that could grow into fire. And that was what she would need to protect herself.

Mara hadn’t expected the wolf to grow so comfortable in her presence - and vice versa. She mirrored his actions and sat down, and listened to his advice intently. Don’t let the down’s falter the ups. It repeated in her mind from the first time she said it, to when Chaska reminded her only hours ago. It felt so hard though, especially when there were no “ups”. 

She almost laughed again, he was right; you can’t expect the world to be gentle with you, for to her it practically never had. ”Why are you trying to help me?” The femme questioned, tilted her head and squinting in puzzlement. Her apologetic side peaked through again. ”N-not that I don’t appreciate it.” There was just some hope, despite her not knowing, that his response would restore some faith into this forever dimming reality.

You need it. He said simply, as if it were obvious. As if it had never been a question or a choice-- and in some ways it was true. The moment Nat had realized what she was implying, he knew he couldn't just walk away.
Nathaniel flicked an ear and gave Mara a half-smile. It was the closest he got to a warm expression, and even then it seemed slightly wry. The ex-soldier wasn't sure what charmed him about this she-wolf; in a past life he'd have found her too weak. Not worthless, not to be culled, but certainly not worth his time.

Being a father had changed him, he supposed, as short-lived as it was. His pups had been so weak, so helpless, but more worthy of his time than any. It had given him a new perspective. He would have thought himself soft, perhaps, but Nat still knew full well he was a force to be reckoned with. No, he wasn't soft-- he would never be soft. Nathaniel would always be full of sharp edges and roiling storms, but time and experience had brought him new perspective. Hopefully it would be enough.

It was true, she did need help. More help than she even realized or would ever want another to give. She pondered his blunt answer, staring soundlessly at the brute with a confusing concoction of emotion. He seemed to lack animation, and yet conveyed to so well. His feelings were pure and not faltered with, something she admired from the wolf. His smirk was what released a tension in her shoulders she hadn't known was there, and a sent a real smile in return. "Thank you, Nathanial." 

He opened a door she hadn't dared to herself, she needed aid from someone. That, or she was to die just like her brother. It was now her decision whether to carry out that need, or toss it aside and kill herself anyway. "Hopefully, this won't be our last." Her comment alluded to the still loud possability of her never seeing anyone again. Mara's eyes gleamed as she took in her last chance to regard his icy stones showcased amongst his fur.