A Piece of My Heart Left Behind

ooc: leaving some things vague from Sun Spark meeting so I can get this thread on the move

Hawkeye's encounter with Sun Spark had been not only interesting, but it had made her think. Her true purpose for returning to the plateau was to tell her children something she now dreaded to think about. She was leaving her pups. It wasn't just for a male, though, and she knew that for a fact. Ferdie Von Pelt had given her the strength to put her desire to leave in action, even if it meant leaving a huge part of her behind — if she was happier, maybe the pups would be, too.

The dark female called out to the four children she called her own. She tried not to cry, but near the very end, sorrow had released itself. Hawkeye choked back a cry after the howl was done, but she knew she had to leave. And right now, she had to be strong for the three girls and single boy who would come soon.

Pura was the first to arrive. He liked responding to calls. It was easy - work out which direction it was coming from, and go. Find the source before the last note faded. He was less thrilled about the prospect of socializing with the caller, but the look on Hawkeye's face suggested that this was no casual get-together. She was sad. Blacktail Deer Plateau spent a lot of time being sad.

The months had bleached Pura's fur a silvery grey, and the once barely visible freckles now dominated his ruff and face. He was growing into quite a handsome boy, though his personality was not keeping pace with his looks. Rather than rush to comfort the very obviously distressed woman as a kind, polite young man ought to do, he stopped a few feet away, staring blankly at her scarred face. Pura kept to himself, and this was the first time he had really taken the time to look at the damage Hawkeye had sustained. "Someone hurt you," he contributed, cocking his silvery head to one side.

ooc: this thread will only involve Hawkeye and little Virtute

Hawkeye couldn't help but laugh at the bluntness of her foster son. "Yes," she replied, almost gently. "A cougar scratched me." She paused, not wanting to sound like she was lecturing, but proceeded to say what was on her mind anyway. "That's why you never leave the plateau alone. If another wolf hadn't been with me, I wouldn't have made it back here." It might have come out a bit more harsh than she had planned, but at least what she had said was true and not exaggerated.

She paused to look around. Hawkeye frowned, wondering where the rest of the children were. Turning her attention back to her son, she smiled weakly. The female looked at the boy, who really did not look like a boy at all. The freckles on his face and the slight lankiness were the only giveaways. He still had time to fill out, but he was very large for having Pied as a mother. Hawkeye assumed that it derived from Kisu's side of the family, although his coloring leaned towards his mother's. "You have grown so much..." she murmured without realizing it.

Snapping out of her trance, she looked him in the eye. "You are my son, and I have high expectations from you. You remind me a bit of both your mother and of Kisu." Hawkeye smiled. "Which is a good thing," she added, in case it had sounded negative.

Hawkeye felt as if she was rambling and not getting to the point. "I am leaving the plateau, Pura." Then, she became stuck. What else do I say? How do I explain this? The dark female watched the blue-grey male's face for his reaction, but no matter what reaction he gave... she didn't know what to say.

Cougar. Pura had never seen one, but the thought of them fascinated him. Her bluntness did not faze him - Pura did not mince his words, and it made things easier for him if others did not either. It's not safe to go alone - fight cougars with a buddy. Sage advise.

Junior's intended departure was not yet on the boy's radar. He had his plate full keeping track of his sister, and practicing a Guardian's duties. Hawkeye, therefore, was the first wolf to leave without being forced out - like Kaskara. He stared blankly at his foster mother, considering his response, wondering what was going on behind her animated eyes and red-brown scar. There was always so much going on. So much noise, so many feelings. "OK. Will you be alpha?" It seemed important somehow, to leave a pack and a rank for something bigger, better. He dreamed of it sometimes, disappearing to some magical, far-away land with Saēna. It would have a sparkling lake - that was all he knew.

i think this is before Peregrine howls about Junior?

Hawkeye softened her look at Pura when he asked his question. She fought off the urge to nuzzle him. He was so innocent and pure (da dum tiss [Pura = pure]), at least in her eyes. She thought about life without them, but came to the conclusion that they would barely notice. Just as she had become unknown in the pack, she became background noise the the quickly growing pups.

"I am not sure. It's possible that I will be. Why?" The dark female was unsure of why his mind had jumped to that. He wasn't even old enough to remember that she had once been Alpha — hadn't he? Hawkeye's mind jumped to whether or not Ferdie Von Pelt would accept her as a mate, and she was unsure if she wanted to be Alpha if he asked. The idea of rejection flooded her mind, but she knew that no relationship was the same; but, anything could happen and she had to be ready for that.

"I am not sure. It's possible that I will be. Why?"

"Because," Pura replied, ready with an answer, "O-otherwise you have no reason to go." Being so 'pure' apparently made him very blunt, too. He could not imagine why she would leave her blood kin and a secure pack if not for better prospects. The hurricane of feelings that had driven Hawkeye to her choice existed on a level beyond Pura's grasp - though if you asked him to leave Blacktail Deer Plateau without his sister, some ancient part of his brain would protest.

Hawkeye let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. Her head moved to look to the side for a moment in thought of what she should say, but her mind slowed down almost to a stop. The female set her eyes upon his grey ones, and she wondered where he got them from.

Shaking her head slightly to regain her train of thought, Hawkeye breathed out her nose. "Well... one of the reasons I am leaving is due the Alpha male. If we decide we love each other, I will most likely be Alpha." Her thoughts had danced around this fact until now, and her chest tightened a bit. She didn't know if she could be Alpha again, but the pitch black wolf was sure that if she decided to not to take position next to Ferdie Von Pelt's side that he would be okay with it.

Yet, the words the grey boy spoke saddened Hawkeye. "Why do you think being an Alpha is so important, Pura?" She figured since he was so blunt, that she could be as well. The pastel-eyed female knew that the question would not offend the already large boy.

Hawkeye confirmed that Alphaship of was a possibility, and Pura nodded approvingly at that. Her departure made sense, then. She was a strawberry runner, reaching out to make a new plant grow.

"Why do you think being an Alpha is so important, Pura?"

This 'why' required thought. The freckled pup's expression hardly changed, but behind his pale grey eyes he was thinking hard. Why indeed. Dante was a good wolf, and he was only Beta. Atticus was good, Kisu was good - they were all good. But they weren't--

"Alphas are the best wolves," Pura declared, stutter free, staring into his foster mother's eyes pale green eyes. The facts were in his favour. The Alpha made the rules, bossed everyone else around, and were the only ones that could breed freely. As he grew, Pura gathered little nuggets of information about hierarchy and rules - unshakable structures that he liked and appreciated. It had irked initially when Fox slotted into the Alpha position alongside Peregrine, but the dust had settled on the upset and now he accepted the change.

Hawkeye was leaving for a better life, as - presumably - Fox had done to come to the Plateau. It made complete sense to Pura, whose approach to most things in life was logical to a fault.

Hawkeye smiled fondly. He definitely had the mind of a child — thinking only the top dog was the best. What was sad, though, is that the dark wolf agreed. Alphas had no consequences for their actions, since their word was law. They dictated the entire pack if they wanted, and their followers were not to object, or they would be killed or kicked from a pack. If they wanted no other wolf to birth puppies, they didn't. If they did not want anyone around their own, no one was allowed since they are Alpha, after all. That was the realistic world and lifestyle of wolves.

"Alphas are important, yes, but remember that an Alpha is nothing without their followers." The mother contradicted her own thoughts a bit, but what she had said was true: an Alpha without a pack isn't an Alpha at all.

Adding an ending, PM me if you want me to change it. :)

"Alphas are important, yes, but remember that an Alpha is nothing without their followers."

Pura nodded. That too made sense to him. He wasn't a huge fan of the constant noise and bustle of a large pack, but he liked to be near - and certainly counted himself as a Blacktail Deer Plateau wolf, though lacked the fervent pride in his roots that other wolves possessed. A pack was a pack, and this one was functional and offered both safety and sustenance. Hawkeye's new pack would give her all of those things, and a far as he was consciously able to offer it, Pura gave her his blessing.

"Good luck," he spoke into the silence, copying something he had heard another wolf say.

The boy would be aware of her absence in his life for a time, even though he did not feel the bitter sting of loss as others did.