Redhawk Caldera My heart is broken, my head is bowed

[size=x-small]I hope it's okay to have this I had the muse for it. Forward date if you like :)[/size]

It was with a heavy heart that the beta healer of the Plateau set off towards the Caldera. Her heart was somewhere in the viscinity of her stomach, she felt as if all the wind had been sucked out of her. She walked as if she had been in a fight, but there were no wounds. Her head was bowed and her steps slow and sluggish. It was bad news she had to deliver, and it was a failure she had to admit. To tell the only remaining brother of 3 that he was the only male that was left here in the Teekon Woods.

There had been no body, not blood, he was just gone. She held onto a loose strand of hope, that he was still alive out there, but even she had to admit it wasn't likely that Atticus was still around. He would never leave her willingly she didn't think, but brain injuries were confusing at best, he could have thought something was coming. Or a nightmare in his mind had caused him to leave. It could be anything. Junior had even looked for him, had not found him.

She got to the edge of the Caldera and lifting her muzzle to the sky she called out a sad song. A song of longing, and sadness and defeat, melancholy and depressing, it rang across the tips of the hills and fell into the inner sanctum of such a place. She howled for her best friend @Peregrine, and then she fell to a heap on the ground and lay there depressed and defeated with her tail curled tight about her nose.

The miserable wail of a howl jarred Peregrine from a drowsing state, his head jerking upward and his ears pricking. He scrambled to his paws and began loping down the slope, wondering at the reason for Blue Willow's tormented cry. By the time he touched ground at its base, his heart was hammering. It jumped into his throat when he saw a black heap on his borders.

"Willow! What is it?" he gasped raggedly as he raced up to her, nudging her gently. He didn't smell blood and saw no obvious injury. That was good, though he feared that meant something had wounded her mentally or emotionally rather than physically. Had something bad happened at the plateau? Was it one of his children? His dusky eyes burned, waiting for her to answer him.

Blue Willow was lost for the moment in her own thoughts of blue eyes and dark fur. She realized it was worse not knowing than knowing what happened. It ate her up from the inside out and left her chewed up insides raw and aching, bleeding and no one could see. It was an injury of the most internal kind, and it would kill her if she let it.

She moved at the nudge and shook her head and spoke softly her voice raspy with grief, I've lost him Perry. I don't know where he is, we can't find him. He's just gone. A fresh wave of grief flew over the healers head, making her cold and sad all at once. She closed her green eyes tight, to stop the leaking of the tears. Perhaps she should not be so down trodden, perhaps she should keep the hope, but she couldn't. There was none left in the healers soul at the moment. She felt as if she had used up all her hope for the time being. Oh she would get more some day, but not today. I promised i'd take care of him and I haven't I couldn't and he's gone. Just disappeared from the plateau.

As soon as the word him left her lips, Peregrine felt cold comprehension wash over him. Blue Willow didn't need to say his name for him to understand: Atticus was gone. He'd disappeared from the plateau. Immediately, the swarthy Alpha wondered if he'd had something to do with it. Had Atticus left because he'd left? Had he possibly even upset his brother's fragile mental health? Maybe he hadn't even gone voluntarily. The possibilities were endless and most of them terribly hopeless.

"How long has he been missing? When was the last time you saw him? How did he seem — all there, or...? Has anyone searched for him?" Peregrine rapidly fired off questions, trying to keep his voice from shaking. "Is it possible he... relapsed? Maybe he got confused and wandered off?"

Blue wasn't here to lay the blame anywhere she had just needed to tell Perry that he was missing. That she had lost him, she wasn't blaming anyway, because the blame laid with her. She had been so busy with everything else, she had lost track of him and she wasn't sure when she had.

Blue started to cry in ernest now I don't know the last time I saw him thats the problem. I've been so busy and so upset I haven't been paying very good attention. I noticed he had been absent for a bit during the day, but I didn't think much of it. Because he always takes walks in the afternoon. It helped him keep from relapsing. She took a deep breath and tried to still her shaking words, but the hiccups in between were not helping and she couldn't calm down.

He would have good days and bad days, just as before. Junior went searching for him, for me. It's possible of course. I'm sorry Perry I've been a terrible healer in this instance. She sniffed again and lay her head back down to her paws, being that she hadn't stood up in any way or shape when he had shown up.

His rapidly fired questions made her start to cry harder and Peregrine's heart went out to her. He reached out and touched the top of her head with his nose even as she sobbed out her replies. He could tell she blamed herself, though Peregrine could read between the lines. Part of why she'd lost track of Atticus more than likely had to do with the recent upheaval he'd caused.

"Willow, stop," were the first words out of his mouth. He couldn't stand his friend berating herself so harshly. "You're a wonderful Healer. You need to stop holding yourself to this perfect standard. You do your best and that's all anyone can expect." Peregrine's voice trailed off as he lapsed into thought.

He couldn't make sense of the situation. The longer he mulled over it, the worse he struggled with it. That was, until a dreary possibility indeed struck him. Peregrine's lips pursed. Was it possible Atticus had gone off to die somewhere? He knew that wolves sometimes sought solitude in their final moments. The lack of any trail seemed to support this theory, as his brother might have gone to small pains to leave no trace. That was the entire point, right?

His jaw tightened and he tried to gently shove that thought away even as Peregrine lowered himself to lie beside Blue Willow. Gently, he arced his body around hers, hoping to comfort her with his embrace. He nudged her closer ear again, a silent reminder that, You're not alone in this.

Blue shifted restlessly as he touched her head in an attempt to comfort. It helped a little bit, but not very much. She still felt like a terrible healer and mate. In her defense she had been more busy lately. Not that it was anyone's fault really, sometimes life just threw curves at you.

Blue sniffled My best wasn't good enough this time Peregrine. She couldn't help the harsh feelings that arose in her breast. She couldn't help the anger she felt at herself, she really couldn't.

Blue herself had the thought of Atticus going off and dying. She however did not say such a thing to anyone, and preferred not to think too hard on it. Blue sighed and nudged her friend in the muzzle. She briefly wondered if it would make Fox angry and then found she really didn't care, she was far too upset to care. She laid there silently for a moment. I'm sorry Perry. That was all she said, all she could muster from deep within.

"You don't have to apologize to me, Blue Willow. You only ever did your best by my brother, as far as I saw. You stuck by him through all of those awful days when we weren't sure he'd come out of it." He paused. "Some things are just out of our control, no matter what we do," he murmured. Like death, he thought grimly, though he didn't voice this aloud.

A sad silence fell between them and Peregrine broke it at length to say, "If you'd like to stay here with me, you're welcome as long as you like." He could only imagine how painful it would be to return to the plateau, to the missing space in her den and the suddenly bleak future. "Temporarily or permanently, the caldera can be your home."

Blue sniffed again, but she did her best to listen to Perry. After all it was with a heavy heart she had sought him out. She supposed in a way she had wanted his comfort, as her best friend. So it had been a little selfishly that she had come to deliver such terrible news. I know but it doesn't make it hurt any less.

Blue shook her head I can't stay Perry I promised them I would not leave them long. They need me now more than ever. I will stay for today, and will depart in the morning. Thank you for being my best friend Perry. it was the closest she could get to an apology at the moment for both her former attitude and for losing his brother, even if he didn't blame her. She would still blame herself.

"No," he agreed, smoothing the fur on her head with a swipe of his tongue. Losing a loved one was never anything less than hard. When he or she went missing, all the unknowns made it so much worse.

"Okay," he said when she declined his offer, then gave him a timeline. "If you ever change your mind, Willow, if you ever need to get away from the plateau... my home is open to you." Peregrine needed her to know that.

The only other thing he could think to say at this point was, "I'm so sorry, Willow." He hugged tightly against her, hoping he was giving her some small measure of comfort.

The swipe of tongue across fur, made her pause. It was a nice feeling to be comforted. Lasher did his best to comfort her as well, but she was glad Perry was there for her. She sought the comfort he gave, she nudged his muzzle with her own in thanks. Her voice hoarse from hiccups and her throat raw from sobbing.

Willow smiled but sadly I know that Perry, but I don't think i'll leave the Plateau. This is your home now, you need to make it your own with Fox. With wolves that both of you get along with all the time, not just you. I'm sorry, but I will remember that and if there should come a time when I need to find a new home. I'll come here with you. She grew quiet she did not mean her words harshly or cruelly. She just did not like the red furred one right now and it was not fair to Fox or herself to be around someone who she didn't get along with yet.

She laid her head across his back for a moment in a hug, and nodded her head. I'm sorry too.

That's a wrap? :)

Peregrine said nothing else. He understood that Blue Willow and Fox did not get along and he didn't want to force her hand. He just wanted her to know there was a home here, should she ever need another. And that he would always be her best friend — and she his beloved sister — even now that Atticus was more than likely permanently out of the picture.

Blue didn't say anything just curled herself tighter, and closed her eyes. She wasn't going to move, he could if he wished, but she was staying put. The effort that had taken her to get here, in her hour of grief was enough, she did not wish to push forth anymore. Atticus, the one male she would never forget and the one whom probably ruined her for all others. She couldn't love in that capacity again, she wasn't even sure if she could ever love again in another way.