whenever you have time!
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he lay outside their den, grooming his forelegs meticulously. inside, the children slept in a small heap, growing steadily each day. he pondered what he had spoken with peregrine of, and caiaphas, ashton, dante. and he thought of blue willow. presently, he set his gaze to search for her around the clearing, the ache in his breast reserved for her absence, and the man awaited her return attentively.
Blue had not gone far, but she enjoyed the reprieve that Lasher had saw fit to give her. He was by far a most amazing man, she was glad to have him in her life. Her mind went back to the conversation with Osprey and she wondered at it. However, she did not dwell. Life would come and she would do her best to make everything work. Her children and this life at the moment was enough.
She poked her head into the den, seeing all three of those children huddled together asleep. She smiled softly, and settled to her haunches beside Lasher. He was cleaning his legs so she saw fit to preen where he couldn't reach. She gave him a lick across the muzzle of course. We both get a break it seems.
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he returned her gesture happily, passing his tongue over her own muzzle and shifting so that she could groom him. for a long moment, the man contented himself with the sight of her, gaze drinking in the glow of maternal glory that had settled comfortably upon her. do you ever regret our arrangement, willow?
he asked at length, eyes still fixed upon her velveteen softness.
She was proud of the children they had made and the life they would grow up in. She was content with her life and content with him. Granted yes, she had spoke to Osprey saying she would settle for what she could get. She however, had not meant it cruelly. She had merely meant that she would take what he was willing to give, and not ask for more. Just as she imagined he did. She did not doubt that he would take other lovers, probably men, but perhaps not. She just hoped he would speak to her of it. She did not want a relationship of any capacity based on lies.
not at all,
he rejoined, rolling onto his back to regard her from an upside-down position. i have considered that perhaps we should marry for appearances' sake, but that is not something i am willing to do. our children are well-loved, and they will come to know it. i would not keep you from marrying if true love found your heart.
having spoken his piece, lasher fell silent and smiled at blue willow, wondering in what way she would choose to rejoin.
SHe grew quiet thinking of his next words. She didn't know if she would find true love. She already had it once and it had disappeared with the life of her loved one. Blue spoke softly, I believe that ship has sailed Lasher. I will keep an open mind, but I am content with my lot in life. I have good friends, wonderful children, you, a wonderful home. I do not want for anything. She frowned thinking of her next words, trying to word them carefully so as to not offend.
I know you will take other lovers or old ones. Perhaps you already have, but might I ask you a small favor. Can you just keep it honest and let me know if you have. I do not want to be blindsided if one of them should happen to show up. Nor do I want to interrupt you if one should happen to come calling. She grew quiet unsure what else to say and an uneasy feeling lit her spine. She hoped she would not upset him with her words.
he was happy to lie still with her, overturning her words in his mind. why had she accepted this fate, comfortable as it was? their was not the burning passion blue willow had surely intended; while he loved her, and knew she felt the same for him in her own right, he doubted that the healer felt for him as she had once for atticus.
of course,
he rejoined, though his heart was sore that she must ask these things of him; surely it hurt such a traditional creature as herself. does it ... will it cause you to ache, knowing that i seek others?
Blue frowned in thought, no it doesn't. There was a time I thought it would, that I would have never agreed to such a thing. But I have grown and I have found. I am not nearly as traditional as I thought I was. It is probably my father's free spirit from which that stems. She for a moment felt lost, where had her morals and ideals gone. She remembered a time, when she had spoken to Peregrine and Atticus of her ideals and her morals. And at the time she would have never settled for such a companionship, but her mind had changed in time. And she found she didn't really mind that it had.
he nodded, thinking of the late sun spark. he had not spoken with the man, but blue willow resembled what glimpses he had caught of the wolf. he must have been great indeed, to give you such a heart,
the earthen servant murmured, gazing at her with solace and love in his eyes.
a frown crossed his countenance. casmir — he seems lethargic. ill.
Blue whined softly, distressed and irritated. I know he is. I cannot give him anything as young as he is. And I fear taking anything to transfer with my milk for the other two. She shifted and sighed softly, Lasher I do not know how I will handle if something god forbid were to happen to him.
lasher listened as she spoke, but rolled free of her to look in on their children, feathering his lips over casmir's overly warm body. the fear and pain in blue willow's voice was palpable, and he turned back to embrace her. nothing will happen to him. you are a skilled healer.
but his own heart ached at the prospect.
Blue watched him anxiously comb through the fur of Casmir. And with every beta of her heart, it felt like nails digging in. She was so worried for him, and she could do nothing while he was this young. Had he been a bit older yes, she could do countless things. But this here and now nothing, and she could not swallow such distress.
Blue licked the side of his muzzle and harummed. Thank you. That was all she said, she shook her head. Was your trip to the Caldera a nice one?
she asked after his visit, and he gave a long sigh. i did meet with fox. i have made amends with her. peregrine's children will be our family, after all. i would not hate their mother.
presently, he craned his head to look at blue willow, to gauge her reaction to what he had done.
She grew quiet, there was just something about the Fox, she did not like. She couldn't quite place it, it bothered her surely. Especially, when the girl didn't really do anything to her par say. But well it had just been instinctual upon meeting her, Blue guessed.
as was her lot, blue willow provided her lover with a bit of sound advice, and he nodded at her, taking each word to heart. neutrality was preferable to hatred, but he did not say this, for the healer knew it to be true. when you have mended, will you visit the caldera again?
he asked, hoping she declined. peregrine must come, he decided, must come and visit his sister, and make his apologies. of course he could not, and would not, forbid the willow a trip there, but he did not find it satisfactory even in idea.
Blue smiled softly, Probably. I promised Peregrine on the day I left. That i would come and stand at that border everyday, until he came out. I don't know though, I am finding contentment and satisfaction, and I would prefer he come here. I am tired of always being the one to give. She gasped softly at her utterance and looked down. I'm sorry that wasn't very kind. She was ashamed at herself and the words she uttered. The way she spoke so cruelly. What was wrong with her, she was not a selfish being, but she was acting like one.
my willow, you are always kind,
he muttered, sweeping toward her. it would not kill him to visit you, and nor do i like the idea of you going so far alone, not in this weather.
while lasher was well-aware that the healer neither needed him nor his protection, he wanted to offer it all the same, for he felt strongly about her safety, and knew she would continue to give and enable the panther's selfishness simultaneously.
well Thank you. Though I find the older I get, the less kind my thoughts are.
And it was true. She was finding she did not hold the neutrality, or the kindness she had once. She was a bit harsher, especially where their children were concerned. Perhaps it was instinctual, and it came with being a mother.
Blue frowned in thought, Yes this weather is strange this year. I suppose I could send someone to request him come visit, but frankly I think he would deny. He has pups coming, and he is a homebody wolf. Besides the fact that he all but told me, he didn't want me around. He wouldn't come to see me. That it was best this way. Perhaps as hard as it is, I should respect his wishes.
She sighed, she did not want to respect his wishes, but the thought of traveling all that way. Just for him to turn her away, it was daunting and with little ones here waiting on her. It wasn't as if she could take them with her, regardless of if she wanted too. That was just to far away for them.
When do you think we should move the babes to a rendezvous site? And will we use the old one? I am just curious, I honestly can't remember how old Perry's babies were, when they moved them.
you are ageless, and i shall hear no more of your being old,
lasher joked, planting a kiss in the center of her forehead. and if peregrine wishes to act the hind end of a donkey, then let him. he is welcome here, within reason, and this he knows. let him make the decision, and the trek. you have done enough.
with how fox felt about their own children, and their status as 'bastards' in her mind — he somehow doubted that peregrine's affection for blue willow and taltos had changed her opinion on that front — the beta did not know if they would even intermingle. nevertheless, he would make the effort.
a rendezvous site? what would that entail?
he asked, not knowing the specifics, though the panther's first brood had been kept so.
Very well I will send someone to ask if he would come or even if he would come halfway. Then perhaps we will go from there.
She didn't really want to travel that far, but she would go half way at least. Blue did not know of Fox's thoughts on her children, and had she known. She probably would have told the little red furred one, exactly what she could do with herself. When it came to her children and how people behaved around them or about them. Blue was not kind.
Blue shrugged and spoke quietly, It's a bigger den, but mostly it is outside for when they are older. So those who aren't as close to us can see them. I would think that even though they are getting older, we may still perhaps should wait until their a bit bigger or it is warmer.
Blue was sort of out of her element here. She didn't know what little one's entailed completely, she was learning as she was going.
he nodded, mulling over the description of a rendezvous site. i think that would work well. have you any intended sites in mind, or shall we search one out?
they would need to seek a sitter for the time that they would be gone; his mind went to saena, who had showed such tenderness toward them, or finn, who seemed to love them as if they were his own.
it will be sad to leave this place. they are growing too fast!
he exclaimed in a glut of paternal bliss.
I would prefer we find our own. Using Peregrine and Hawkeye's doesn't seem right somehow. What do you think?
Blue chuckled softly, That they are, much to fast. Soon, you'll need to chase the suitors away from Eilidh, and give the boys advice.
She teased him gently, they had a long way to go, before Eilidh or even the boys were ready for significant others, but she enjoyed to tease none the less.
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i agree. we shall find a lovely place of our very own,
he murmured, casting a fond eye over the babes before his attention returned to blue willow. you must rest, my love. take your sleep when they do,
the beta male suggested softly. i will keep watch at the mouth of the den.
he smiled at her then, holding her eyes for a long and knowing moment, one that needed no words to convey the emotion of the seconds that passed.