Ocean's Breath Plateau it is all taken from you

She did not stop moving, not until she was far past Donnelaith's borders and had started towards the Plateau. It would be hard to process given she would not have a safe place to sleep, not for awhile. She was vaguely aware of @Constantine  at her heels but she did not stop to address him - not until she had put a considerable amount of space between herself and Aria. 

Finally the pale woman turned, silver eyes looking towards the male expectantly. "You don't have to ensure I leave. Trust me, I won't be returning." She said quietly. She couldn't even mourn the loss properly, not with him there. She couldn't break down with a stranger. 

He had given her space as they crossed over the borders, his own emotions going from angry to upset to guilt every few seconds -- and yet none of this was his mess, and for the first time since he could remember, he was livid at his father for doing this to them all. He couldn't keep it in his pants while the girl was in heat?

She finally spoke, and Constantine lifted his muzzle, his fiery eyes studying her. "I'm not here to escort you outside of Donnelaith, Rowan," he noted quietly, trying to determine what in the world had actually happened.

Had Lasher mated with her, or was she lying? Was it simply easiest to believe the latter? "I had hoped to help you find a new home." He paused then, his eyes falling to her stomach. "And to maybe learn why."

He didn't berate her immediately, and though she doesn't know him and thus can't trust him, it at least uncurls a coil of tension in her. Of course it's a natural question for him but he doesn't need the birds and bees talk. Her lips purse for a moment and she tries to ease herself back again, to relax even the slightest amount as if it might help her situation. "I don't know where I might go. Perhaps find Casmir." She hadn't considered it yet; she hadn't thought of anything, but this was as plausible as any idea. 

"Why?" She repeated it, sighing softly. "I came into my heat. It is a nature - the rest, history." Rowan couldn't say anything to sway Constantine's thoughts - and truly, she didn't feel like she needed to. What he thought of her had little consequence in her life. "I meant what I'd said. All I wanted, all I hoped for, was that my children would grow up as you did. With family." 

He kept his thoughts to himself -- his uncertainties.  Not once did he voice them, and instead, his brows arched upward in surprise as she mentioned his brother . "Even Casimir knows?" he paused then, a frown furrow upon his features now. "Please tell me you at least spoke to Eilidh before telling our youngest sister." He awaited her response, all the while reeling that it had only been a one night stand -- and somehow, it made everything worse that Lasher had left them all in this mess for one night of passion.

"I came upon him." She explained. "And had I not just returned, I might have found Eilidth too." She couldn't say that she had the time to hunt down all the Mayfair children, after all. He could be angry with her but Deirdre deserved to know - at the time she had thought she would still have a home, perhaps. Her precognition had proven correct though, and Rowan was quiet. "There were only a few days between speaking with Aria and my dismissal." It wasn't an excuse; it was fact. The leader had gone back on her word. 

"Deirdre is the light in this world. I can only imagine how thrilled she was to hear the news." He began, disappointment surging through him that she had not even respected he and his littermate enough to come to them first. "And Eilidh and I are responsible for her. You should have come to us first. You had no right.." He trailed off then, shaking his head.

The coldness she emanated then only further instilled his belief that Aria had been right. And as he studied her, he could only still himself, reeling his emotions back. This was fruitless. "We can see if Casmir's pack will take you in, if you wish to go there."

She certainly wasn't going to be warm she'd just been kicked from her pack, pregnant, alone - and she wasn't going to be able to do this. It was overwhelming and she was afraid and she didn't have the energy to be warm and friendly right then. The cold, the numb, it made it easier to process. He was upset she hadn't talked to him first, but what was there to say? She couldn't take it back now, and given she wouldn't have the chance to see the family again it felt almost right to have informed her. "I apologize for not talking to you first." She said simply. She wasn't apologetic for talking to Deirdre. The girl was just a few brief weeks away from adulthood - amazing as it was.

"You...you don't have to go. It's going to be a long trip, I believe. He lives in Silver Creek." Rowan bit her lip, trying not to let a surge of emotion out. She would cry on her own, if it overcame her. The wind swept her, the breeze softly scented - roses, almost. Lasher's gentle touch. "I don't expect you to carry me the entire way." She could tell he didn't want to be there, expected that he wanted nothing to do with her or the children. She couldn't - and wouldn't - force such a bond after all.

He gave a brief nod, accepting that this was all he would get from the woman. He did not know what it was like to be a father, but he did know what it was like to try to raise a broken family. Eilidh was a shell of her former self since the death of their father, and Deirdre still had much in the way to learn of becoming an adult before the two more months before she joined the adult ranks. Very suddenly he missed his brother.

"I'm not leaving you alone in this. I know the pack name and direction where Cas lives. If it's family that is so important to you, then that is the best place." He did not remind her that if family had been so important, then he shouldn't have found out from Aria.. The damage was done. "I'm trying to process all of this, Rowan. I don't hate you.. Or them," he nodded toward her belly. "I don't know how to feel."

It was only a mere few days since she had informed her Alpha and now she had no pack. Still she was numb, and it was safest that way, her determination driving her to find a home for herself and her children before she processed anything else. "Casmir has two girls now, maybe it would be good for them all." She said quietly, perhaps to herself. There was a touch of distance in her voice, as if her thoughts were far off - perhaps she was approaching a level of shock, just letting her body go through the motions until something else came to light.

"I can't imagine your position." She had no siblings, after all, and her father-figure had betrayed her mother before she was even buried. It was part of the way she had borne her soul to Lasher that perhaps had lead her to the situation she found herself in. Still, she could not regret anything. She chewed the inside of her lip for a moment, silver eyes fixated on the ground. "I'm still trying to process things too." She admitted, and god her voice sounded so tiny, the slightest sliver of fear in it. It was her first heat. Things couldn't have been more complicated if she'd tried to make it that way.

She mentioned his brother – the keeper of two girls. She also spoke of his own position, and he only offered a small nod in return, not willing to have a heart to heart with the woman carrying his father’s unborn children. He wanted nothing more in that moment to round up Casmir, Eilidh and Deirdre – to sort this out with his family. But this was not a luxury given to any of them, and at the end of the day, it was Aria making the calls.. and he could not say he disagreed with her decision, either.
 
“Try not to think too much on it – the stress won’t be good for the pups,” he motioned his muzzle once more to her stomach, his ears flattening. His gaze then drifted away from her, toward the direction of the Creek. “How fast do you want to travel? Do you want to rest first?”

It seemed hypocritical that he was concerned with the children, and were she more petty she might have called him out for it. As it was she just held her tongue, her gaze fixated on the ground rather than on the dark male. "Let's be real, for a moment," She said quietly. "If for some reason Silver Creek cannot take us in, what then? You trail me until I find a suitable home?" God, this was so awkward. She felt like he was uncomfortable, she knew she was, so she'd rather just go on her own if it came down to it. 

"I want you to consider all of this before we take any more steps from the area. I plan to sleep tonight and head out tomorrow. If you're so dead set on trailing me, we can meet tomorrow." She needed time on her own, she needed an outlet to process without being in the dark male's shadow. "I just...I need some time alone."

“We’ll figure it out,” he offered without missing a beat – though only then did he consider the consequences of not just his actions and words. If he could turn back and insist Aria allow him at least a day to process, he would have – as it was, both wolves had acted on impulse, and as his eyes trailed the girl’s rounding belly, he found himself feeling more responsible with each passing moment. The thought that Silver Creek would turn her away had not occurred to him – but why would their Alpha accept a pregnant stranger among their ranks, when his own had not been able to bring herself to do so? He knew there were pups at the Creek – Rowan’s brood would be a competing resource, just as they were to Donnelaith.
 
Would he even be able to walk away from her, now?
 
“I’m making all of this up as I go, Rowan. I don’t know what to feel. I don’t know what to think. You realize that I found out only an hour ago that the man I worshipped my entire life is not the man who I thought him to be?” Perhaps it was selfish – to feel this indignant surge that the entire situation was unfair to him. And yet here he was – one of the ones who had to pick up the final pieces of Lasher and Rowan’s one night stand. “But I do know I’m not leaving you alone in this. If Silver Creek refuses you.. we’ll figure something out.” With that, he dipped his muzzle, skirting back now to fume in silence. He would not argue that some alone time would be nice, and so stretching out to the cool ground, the Mayfair would rest.. but it would be a sleepless night.

Constantine was still so young and it reflected in his actions and choices. Rowan wasn't that much older than he was, but, her experiences had been very different than his - maybe he'd never seen things not go perfectly. Maybe the worst fate he'd endured was the famine itself. The loss of his parents no doubt was hard but he still had family at least to help him through it. Rowan sighed softly, a pained look in her eyes though she didn't want to look him in his. She didn't want to open up to him; she felt betrayed and the hurt was still too raw even if it wasn't his actions. "This doesn't change the man that he was. You and I may not see things the same way, but, Lasher is the same man he was before he passed." Of course Rowan had more information than Constantine did - she knew that Lasher had other lovers. Constantine still thought Lasher pure and wholly devoted. She ignored his promise - it was too flimsy. He couldn't promise her a home any more than Aria had promised her one. 

Rowan was a beast who did not balk at sex, it was biology. It was nature. It was as natural as breathing or thinking and from it came beautiful gifts. Her children were beautiful, and she would love them all the same. That love would make up for everything the children would lack. 

She watched as the dark male retreated to his own thoughts and she to hers. However she couldn't sleep and so she quietly stalked away. She'd hold up her word, she would meet him there if he was so determined to see her to Silver Creek, but for the evening she wouldn't remain on the plateau. She had too many things to consider and too much on her mind - exhausting herself would be the better choice.