Sunbeam Lair you reduce my name to a signal fire

July 27th.

There is not much time Ukko gets by himself in the coming days. His exploration of his new home depends solely on how much Asterr wants to show him. The first day or so of their return, however, had been closed off as her heat begins to wear. He'd mounted her once or twice more when put into a confined space, no longer able to help himself to his mate. The thought of her bearing his children had fueled him, finding himself far more eager than necessary. 

It is early one morning that Ukko stirs first, slithering his way from her sleeping form, that he begins to familiarize himself with his new land. His paw may not reach very far but his kingdom needed to be memorized and learned, soaking in everything for himself. 

He finds a decline some ways away from the den that gets him a little turned around. He stands between a hard wall and a few small trees that do not ask familiar. He worries his lip for a moment to consider his options. Going back the way he'd come is just as unfamiliar as going forward and he's lost somewhere in a mixed up trail of a scent. Ukko clears his throat then and begins to search for the way to lead him back to @Asterr.

Her return home had not been as troubling as she'd thought it might be. Knowledge of Jolon's injury had since been received, but she'd yet to actually begin treating him. After their return, she'd never been very far from Ukko's side, letting him take her when he wanted and then resting with him afterwards. Their arrangement was still an odd thing to her, but she'd been able to wrap her mind around it just enough to find acceptance. The terms had been clear enough for her to not worry, and his constant presence had made it easy for her to relax around him. While she'd yet to reach a point in which she could seek from him the same sort of comfort and answers as she had from Noctura, there was still something that kept her going back.

When Asterr had woken that morning, she'd found the space next to her to be empty, much to her surprise. She'd considered leaving him go for a while longer, but, in the end, she'd pulled herself to her feet and stretched out her muscles before setting off in search of him. Each step was one that she knew well, every section of the lair recognizable to her. There was not a single place that she'd yet to explore, and so it was with confidence that she'd wandered through the cavern, trailing after the most recent remnants of his scent. It had taken her a moment to locate it, but once she'd picked from the jumbled mess all that did not belong, he'd been easy to track down.

Not a second was wasted once he'd been located, the dragoness having made her way up to him without pause or hesitation. Her nose had found its way to his shoulder, lingering for a moment before she'd pulled away to meet his gaze. "You should have woken me," she'd said, wondering why he hadn't. "How long have you been out?" How long had she been asleep, was more so what she'd meant.

He doesn’t mind the time to himself. The last several days had been minimally away from Asterr’s side where, before that, he’d been alone for a few weeks. Now, he is expected to never be alone, and he had more responsibility than he’d anticipated. It had been easy to take the position where in Ukon’s Peak, he couldn’t fathom the idea. Leading alongside his father hadn’t been all that appealing but here, his purpose seemed greater.

It is in his time alone that he considers the differences but when he hears the soft footfalls of his mate, he wags his tail before turning around to face her.

“You need your rest,” he tells her, swinging his head around that is soon followed by the rest of his body. To answer the second part of her questioning, she only receives a shrug. He’d put his time to good use, at least, and perhaps hadn’t been out here too long but he can’t say for sure.

She hadn't needed to wait long for his answers, one being verbal and the other physical. His assumed concern for her well-being was appreciated, but not something she'd been quick to agree with. "I have rested enough," the girl had said in return, feeling herself to have slept enough. Though her time, previously, had often been spent patrolling the lands and taking notes on the various greenery of the lair, it had become something that she'd grown used to. Little sleep had been received in her days prior to leaving her home and then meeting Ukko, and so she'd yet to see an issue with her routine continuing in the same way. For as long as she was able to function, her schedule was fine.

"Have you enjoyed your time here thus far?" Asterr had asked, altering the topic of conversation slightly. She was curious of how he felt towards his new home, as well as if he was getting along alright within it.

She objects her need for rest and Ukko doesn’t press the matters anymore than he has so far. Nor does she close the rest of the distance between them but Ukko can’t expect those kinds of things from her. They may be mated, but their affection doesn’t live much beyond that. He often remains by her side, the first few days he’s been here, and he doesn’t mind it too much.

“I don’t know,” he says, “it’s nice.”

It’s not the maplewood. 

Ukko bites back the thought as he closes the space between them, touching her shoulder gently. 

“I can’t imagine they feel happy I’m here,” he says then with his own worry. If someone had brought home another and shoved into leadership without getting to know the rest, Ukko can’t say he’d be too fond of the idea either.

She could do little more than nod in response to his words, accepting them for what they were. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she knew that she could not yet expect for him to have fallen in love with the land, for it was just recently that he'd been welcomed into it. With time, though, she really did hope that he'd grow as attached to it as she'd since become. For the time being, however, she settled on knowing that he was there for her, thus welcoming his touch and then returning it with that of her own. She'd allowed for her muzzle to linger against him for a second longer than usual before pulling away, more so out of thanks than anything else. Asterr was grateful that he'd followed her, and felt it necessary to show him that.

When he spoke again, she'd found her eyes seeking out his own, a smile pulling at the corners of her lips. She was not happy that he was worried, but impressed by the fact that he'd rooted himself enough to be capable of worrying. "Whether they do or they do not, it will be fine in the end," said the dragoness. "I know that they trust me, as well as that they will respect this decision that I have made." They had to, really, for she had no intentions of casting the male out of the tribe. It was on another breath that she'd then added, "If any of them target you, do tell me. I will speak with those that give you grief." Asterr was not yet ready to let the man slip away from her, and especially not because of some troubled minds.

Her words don’t do much for comfort, but mostly because he doesn’t allow them to. Instead he keeps his worries on the forefront of his mind and decides he doesn’t need her to defend him, out of pride, which is his first mistake. He doesn’t voice this, though, and instead just nods his head and lets it come day by day. He still had others to meet, if he had to guess, sure that the pack consisted more than just the three wolves he met a few days ago. The only one that he suspects might give him an issue is the dark, pitiful male that deserved the death he asked for.

Not wanting to dwell on the problem for too long, he turns his head back to her and noses her muzzle with his own, indicating for her to walk with him. The concern at hand will take time to resolve and he can’t do anything about it in that moment, and while it still plagues him, he can make an attempt to distract himself.

“Will you keep them? I mean, if… you are?” he asks, hesitance obvious in his voice. He swallows the lump in his throat as he keeps an even and slow gait through the lair, wondering if the woman regretted what had happened, might resent him for carrying children she might not even want.

Pride was a troubling trait to possess, and though she'd yet to view the male as a creature that held tight to it, she still worried that her assistance might not be sought. There was discord within the lair, something she wished to resolve, and was likely to keep an eye out even if an issue was not brought to her immediate attention. It was her responsibility to do so, as well as her desire, for absolute peace had been sought after since the very beginning. To replicate the aura of her home tribe, it was her goal. Her thoughts were left to linger on the notion for a moment or two, producing potential solutions prior to being sent away by his touch. She'd responded to him, beginning to move along at his side whilst a period of silence was achieved.

Little distance was made prior to his question being posed, which had drawn her gaze over to him. The pace she'd been moving at had slowed, but hadn't stopped entirely, having been caught by surprise. "Of course," she'd eventually answered, looking forward once more. "Should I be pregnant, I would not rid myself of them. Despite the details of their conception, they would still be of Draconid blood. I could never toss away a member of my family." To keep family close, and to honour them, had been seared into her brain at a young age. Bonds formed through blood were great, they were powerful, and so she could not even imagine being capable of abandoning, or killing, any children that might be growing within her womb.

"Will you assist with them?" she'd asked, his query having inspired one of her own to form. If not, she needed to know ahead of time, that way the proper measures could be taken to ensure that she'd be able to manage them on her own. Never had she been a mother, and so she knew not what it was that she was getting herself into. Still, Asterr did not think that she'd struggle too much, believing that they were sure to possess the same docile nature that ran in her family.

The answer Asterr gives him isn’t exactly a surprise but it makes him wonder. Things here aren’t the same as they were in his birth pack, nor the maplewood. They have a different way of life than Ukko is used to and every turn he makes, he’s met with something new. Asterr raising children inside her would strength the pack, no matter how small, and he’s faced with watching all these changes. [i]His[i] children are inside her, possibly, and he isn’t entirely sure how ready he is or how involved she may allow him. She may be his mate but things are always as they seem.

Her question causes his gaze to shift, slightly, to look at her middle. There is no indication now, being far too soon, but he can’t help but imagine what might be growing there. Is he even ready to be a father? His life has been nothing but littered with failure in his wake and the chances of it happening against unfortunately but the odds against his favor as he tries to come up with something to say. It should be easy, shouldn’t it? 

“Yes,” he finally says, eyes searching back for her face. A confession lingers on the tip of his tongue as he battles whether or not to speak. Anxiety hangs over his head that he isn’t able to shake and doubts will go away any time soon but their future will layout before them and he isn’t sure what to do about it. “My father is a terrible man,” he adds and sucks in a breath, uncertain how she may take that information, how she may interpret it through him and his actions, but he shifts his weight awkwardly beneath her gaze.

Asterr couldn't expect anything from him, as she didn't yet know how. He was still so new to her, his thoughts a greater mystery than those she'd known for quite some time. How he might answer, she could not foresee, and so nervous had she become as the wait began. Having never witnessed the growth of children before, she knew not what she was getting into, and so capable did she believer herself to be of raising them by herself. It was her certainty that allowed for her mind to be cleared, assuring herself before he'd the chance to speak that, no matter his answer, she'd manage. Should she be made to watch over them by herself, then it'd definitely be a struggle, but not something that she felt herself totally unable to do.

Never had her eyes trailed away from him the entire time that she'd awaited his response, hoping to, perhaps, locate any flicker of emotion that might betray what he was thinking. Nothing negative was seen, but, then again, she couldn't help but wonder if that might be because she didn't want to see anything of the like. One's eyes could play a variety of tricks on them if certain thoughts were strong enough, and so she'd focused instead on keeping her thoughts from wandering. She would manage, she knew that she would, and so she'd continued to assure herself of such. Even still, it'd felt as if a weight had been lifted from her shoulders when he'd said yes, confirming with her that he'd be there for them—and the dragoness herself, she wanted to believe. A smile and a nod were given in return, words eluding her.

Their conversation hadn't ended there, though, for he'd had more to say. It was but a simple comment, but enough to have her at a loss for words once more. Her lips remained shut as she'd considered her response, wanting not to overstep any boundaries or allow for her mind to be misled. "Our parents raise and care for us, but that does not mean that we are destined to take after them," she'd voiced. "We decide for ourselves how we end up and what sorts of choices we make." They were in control of their own lives, able to act in whichever manner they believed to be correct. "Do you plan to take after your father?" Pallid gaze settled on his features, meeting his own in the process.

Asterr doesn't have the response he expects. Instead, she tries to placate his anxiety and he has to look away, studying something else in consideration. He focuses on a rock off to the side that seems slightly out of place, as if it might give him some kind of answer. He doesn't know what he wants to hear and he doesn't know what will fix it but Asterr seems unfazed by his background, however brief he gave her. 

The man nods his head at first but when her question is presented, he ceases and takes a moment to respond. His jaw tightens as he considers all the things his father did, and most recently, before a shudder rattles his whole form. He takes a step forward and shakes his head, certain that he can't possibly be like him. When he thinks back, he can see a few things shine through but he hopes there are aspects imbedded in him that he can't help. If he's aware of them, he can curve them into something else, but the fear remains deep. 

"I don't want to," he confesses and the urge for affection runs through his veins. His father had never been affectionate and he's reminded briefly that the man doesn't completely rule him. Swallowing a lump, he closes the distance and nudges her cheek before running his nose along her neck to take in her scent. For the moment, it grounds him and gives him enough reprieve to ward off his doubts.

*leaves you to wrap it up* a h a

Asterr gave him all the time that he'd needed in order to respond. To sort through his mind, decide what he wanted and who he wished to be. She did not know his father, and perhaps never would, but she felt confident with her belief that they could not be the same. Even before he'd spoken again, she'd found the thought that he might turn into a terrible man to be unfathomable. They did not know one another well, that was true, but what she did know pointed in an opposite direction. He could not be awful, and she'd thought that he might have realized the same with his words. Only a mere want, a desire, but it was something that he knew to strive for. To veer away from the path that his father had traveled, to forge something that was all his own and no one else's.

When he'd approached, there'd been a moment of hesitation on her end. It hadn't lingered, however, and she'd found herself taking comfort from his closeness. "Then you will not," she'd declared, voice lacking doubt. Having tilted her head towards him, she'd allowed for her muzzle to hover, only to then rest it against his form. When she'd pulled away, it had not been without purpose, a request being made as she'd asked, "Will you come and lay with me for a bit?" Asterr was not tired—wide awake, actually—but she wanted to take a moment out of their days that could be spent together. Without interruptions, only one another, so that she might learn more about him and vice versa.

Should he comply with her want, the dragoness would lead the way back to the den, where she'd then take up the space at his side. Her head would rest on his form whilst her body leaned against his. Should he want to continue moving, however, she'd follow along with him, disliking the idea of leaving his presence so soon.

Asterr seems far more convinced how he will turn out than he does himself. She doesn’t know what his family is like and what they do without even a second thought. It haunts him at times and when something happens, he’s forced to think in two ways. When Scarlet had been attacked by the cougar, his father’s voice was in his head telling him what to do but he had shun that away. In the end, the woman’s death had affected him more than he thought and perhaps his father had been right. Her suffering could have ended sooner instead of prolonging for weeks, wasting resources, but how could they not even try to heal her?

The thought stains his mind for a moment longer and he almost misses the request, in which he ultimately nods his head numbly before he turns a little and follows behind where she wants to go.