Hushed Willows omission of thy mother's love [birth]

Sorry it's a bit late, but I can't wait!! :D Birth order is: @Eros, @Kavos and finally, @Prialux. She most likely will not give them names until a little bit later. 

 

it was time; she could feel it. yet, she suppressed the pains of incoming birth, attempting to prolong the existence of beings she did not want. spasms of pain racked her body and she clenched her teeth, hunched in a crippled state within the darkness of an abandoned den. no, no, no. she was not ready. she would never be ready. how could she? she was no mother, she had made a mistake and now fate would bring her the consequences. yet, her hesitance to deliver the children were not purely self motivated. she had been unfaithful once, she only seen it impossible for her to be the mother a child deserved as she had proved herself incapable of keeping anyone close and safe. she could not even care for herself, let alone multiple beings unable to survive without her. yet, as much as she willed it, she could not disrupt nature's course and in the end she lay exhausted against the dirt floor of the cavern; three twitching bundles lay huddled against her side. 

the pain had been too much, yet she knew it was her penance for what she had done; what she deserved. and to her horror, all carried the same pale coat she had come to fear. a sob escaped her quivering maw, a gut wrenching feeling she could not identify. every day would become a reminder by simply gazing at her children of what she had done, and what she could have had. never would she be able to forget, never could she ever move on. everywhere she looked, they would be there; he would be there. she wept as she nudged them to her side, a heart full of hate yet unable to bring herself to cast them away. this was her responsibility, whether she was willing or not. a boy, a boy and a girl. as they suckled she lay her head against the ground, blinking away tears that threatened to slip. they would always be her's, by they would never have her. that much, she vowed as she refused to look at them, was certain.

Within the womb he had grown, the details of his conception something he knew nothing of, and perhaps never would. His mind was blank as he'd floated in limbo, absorbing for himself any nutrients that were available. When he'd grown too large, he'd started to kick, having placed as much force behind each one as he'd been able to, though he was unable to comprehend what he'd actually been doing. For the longest time, his body had acted separate from his mind, protesting against the shrinking space that was his mother's womb. Kicking and squirming, his body had done everything in its power to let it be known that he wanted out. That his time within the enclosure had come to an end, and that he was to breath in air at last. Always had he been denied, however—until that day.

It'd been a slow journey, the body having tried to force him out, whilst Amara's mind had willed him to remain within. Nature had won in the end, though, and so into the world he'd slid, the first of three to feel the cool ground beneath his body. He'd been the first to be cleaned and the first to take a breath—the first to suckle from his mother, and the first to be hated. Without the ability to understand emotions, he'd been content, filling his stomach and stealing from the greater body all the warmth that he could. And once his siblings had arrived, he'd fought against them, having claimed a teat for himself that he would never share. And despite his protests, it was within moments that he'd fallen asleep, the efforts made to be kept inside the dark space having tired him out.

Their mother’s courting had been a prelude to a nightmare. The result of that night of lust had resulted in the conception of three innocent lives. The palest of the trio had grown without too much fuss. Without a mind or care in the world the child had developed with all of the necessary nutrients and protection that were needed to ensure a healthy pup at birth. There was only one thing missing from the mix, something that most babies could feel from within-- love. There was a heaviness to his development, as if something was constantly pressing against him and weighing him down. No gentle variants with loving tones had met the trio within the womb-- only bitterness and regret.

The birthing process came out of nowhere and instead of thrusting against it, the pale child went with the flow as the heaviness of his existence was pressed out into the cold world that awaited. Letting out a single cry as air flowed through his lungs, he took his first breath as he lingered in a puddle of afterbirth. It was only as his instinct kicked in that he was guided to by an invisible force. Wriggling willingly, the child pushed against his elder sibling to latch on the the nearest teat. It was by his mother’s side that he suckled and despite this feat he felt nothing. Instead of venturing on within the new world, the child unlatched after his fill and curled alongside his sibling, slowly drifting off as sleep overtook him.

She came into the world lifeless.

Whether it was the mother's unwillingness to let her free when she was ready or the insistent fight of the other cubs as they sought to reach the world beyond despite Amara's best efforts, Prialux couldn't handle it. She slid into the world, the last of three and the one who had been retained in the womb the longest by her reluctant mother. She came as a limp heap and did not breathe or move for several long minutes. While Kavos and Eros found their way to sustenance, Prialux's young soul found its way to a dim light in the distance, where perhaps she would have found another life awaiting her.

Yet something changed and all of a sudden the light was sucked away. Her chest heaved, her tiny form wracked with a shiver. She coughed, choked, then sucked in her first breath. Liquid gurgled in her throat and she struggled momentarily, but soon enough, she was squalling. Soon after that, she was nudged to Amara's stomach and was suckling. She was weak, but she was greedy, and had her fill in time. She dozed off shortly after, slumped against Kavos' prominent belly, none the wiser to her mother's hatred for her... or how hatred and reluctance to give birth had nearly cost her her life.

she would never know how her hatred would almost cause the non-existence of one of the newly born beings, or she would have held them in longer. yet, she shared her distaste for the creatures curled at her side with herself, glancing down at their tiny forms caused her stomach to roll in a misplaced revulsion. how was she to tell them their very existence was a mistake, a horror of nature; that they, by simply having a heartbeat had caused the crumble of an empire? she would make it known to them, that despite their innocence, they were simply never meant to be. yet perhaps, she did not need to. gingerly, her eyes transitioned from away; back to the the resting forms of them. her eyes darkened, little room for empathy for what she considered doing. dragging the closest away from it's place at her stomach, who happened to be Prialux, laid the child infront of her. it squirmed, blind to the world and blind to the pain it would cause it's mother for it's very existence. amara opened her mouth, hovering it over it's tiny neck with her pale jaws, the points of her teeth just millimeters away from it's pulse. she could do it. it would never have to know, never have to know what it was. she could do it. yet gradually, the longer she hesitated, the more she studied it, the more her heartbeat began to thump in her ears.

it did not take her long to realise that the heartbeat was not her's but the child's; the one she held in a near death grip, prepared to end it's life. 

the air escaped her breast and she snapped her jaw's shut, away from her daughter's exposed neck. how could she? a choked sound formed in her throat and before long, tears dropped silently to the dirt floor. she shoved the pup away, back to it's original place by her side and collapsed her heat once more, thudding against the damp floor of an abandoned fox hole in the farthest corner of a new home, miles from where her life started and fell apart.

Into the embrace of sleep the boy had drifted, falling under the spell whilst his mouth continued to work over his mother's teat. To suckle was a skill that he'd been born with, instinct driving him to latch on when he could and fill his stomach. Yet, there'd been a shift, his source of nourishment having nearly been torn away from him. Immediately had his jaws tightened around the nipple, gums doing their damnedest to hold tight. Being as small as he was, however, Eros had stood no chance against his mother and the slight movements of her body. Away from him had she torn herself—unintentionally, it seemed, as her attention was on another of the children—causing for the newborn's body to tremble.

A second, maybe two, had passed and then he'd suddenly started to wail. In spite of the hatred and negativity that he'd been exposed to in utero, he'd developed just fine, his lungs fully formed and operable. He'd cried and cried, awaiting to receive a response; a touch, the comfort of his siblings' forms, or, perhaps, his mother's affection.

My last post in this thread! Feel free to skip me!

 

His consciousness had willed him away from from the negativity that had carried him into the world. Sleeping soundly, his sibling’s cries fell onto his deaf ears. He would not wake for quite some time and it was then that he would get to test his lungs for the first time.

Without the senses to handle orientation in the world, Prialux was unable to comprehend the change in her environment beyond the first few seconds. She did feel herself being dragged away from the nourishment Amara provided and she attempted to fight back. Inevitably, she lost the fight. When the teat popped out of her mouth, she squalled and squirmed in Amara's grasp, and continued to fight even as she was tumbled down into the crook betwixt her dam's forepaws. She was disoriented immediately, and her sense of what was up and what was down failed her. She didn't even flail on her back, even though being upside down caused a great weight to press on her still-wet lungs.

She felt the gentle touch of teeth against her neck, but there was no reaction to the danger. Prialux didn't understand. If Amara snuffed out her life, that would simply be it. Should her spirit rise and be born again, it would never know that it had once lived for a few minutes. Her death would have been swift and inconsequential and never realized by her more intelligent subconscious, a fact that Amara was considering at that very moment. But it never came. She was brusquely rolled back to her place and spent a good ten minutes attempting to sort out her directions again, only to instinctively find her way back onto her stomach. She found Amara's teat again eventually as well, but by then her mother was slumped away from her cubs and Prialux was too exhausted to even suckle.

She fell into a deep sleep instead, one interrupted only by the occasional grunt or whine and kick of the limb.