The Sentinels shillelagh

backdated to early september when Starbuck returns from MK

The Sentinals reared up before her, towering columns that safeguarded the gentle wolves who lived beneath their boughs. Starbuck's heart felt fit to burst with joy, for she was home again. Soon she would rest her weary legs, for her travels had been long and she had slept little in her eagerness to return home. Soon, but not yet. As she crossed the border she tipped her nose up and called for @Deirdre , not expecting the girl to come to her, but to relay her position so Starbuck could seek her out. Larkspur's message rounded her thoughts, but she also had her own apologies to make.

her head ached. while she had awoken, she was far from truly repaired; there was an ugly wound upon her otherwise flawless visage that would soon fade to nothing, but perhaps starbuck would be scarred by the memory. her beauty was not altered for the bearclaws upon her cheek, but something about her had been altered. what it was, not even deirdre knew for certain.

when she rose from her days or weeks of slumber, she found herself without both larkspur and starbuck. the only thing she could remember with any clarity at all was the way the swipe of the bear-paw felt against her head, but not why she had been so far from home, not that she sought both larkspur and starbuck who had both gone.

the return of starbuck surprised her, truly. perhaps the relationship forged between starbuck and larkspur trumped the one deirdre desired to build between them all, and her heart had broken for the thought of this! but her darling starbuck had returned, and deirdre moved through the whispering trees silently. the throb between her temples permitted few thoughts at all as she approached.

Starbuck's heart would have broken to know the pain she caused her dear friend. The seer knew that no matter where her road led, she would return to Donnelaith, but she had left so suddenly that Deirdre could not have known this. It was not those thoughts that troubled her, but that knowledge that Starbuck had spirited Larkspur away with no warning. Indeed a small part of Starbuck feared Deirdre dead, for she did not know if help had come on that fateful night. Long had she worried, but at least this fear was assauged the moment she laid eyes on the young witch.

Deirdre! she cried breathily, her relief palpable. In an instant she was at her friend's side, checking her over. Her brows creased when she found Deirdre's fair countenance marred by the wound to her face, and immediately she focused on this. My dear, how did this happen? Has it been treated?

her eyes softened the moment she saw her! but deirdre remembered herself, remembered her fears and that starbuck had seen it fit to have her endure them! and so she turned a stubborn cheek toward starbuck as she approached, stiff and uncomfortable largely due to her own volition. it has been treated. i came too close to a mother bear, she informed, her voice aloof as it had never been toward her dear friend; she, deirdre, was the reason for that very beasts death, which further broke her heart! her own ailment had gotten the better of her, and so many had to suffer for her own foolishness.

one must remember that deirdre was a girl, still, and prone to insecurities as much as any other despite her mature affect and demeanor. truly the girl was wise well beyond her years, but she was susceptible, still, to hurt. without looking at her friend, deirdre revealed the wounds well beneath the surface: i thought you had left me,

Deirdre's reaction was better than she expected, but worse than she had hoped. Starbuck was not so foolish as to think that Deirdre would forgive her on sight, but the reality of her friend's upset still hurt. Indeed her comparatively cold attitude came as a slap to the face, and Starbuck stepped away from her as soon as she spoke, her head dipped low. She had suspected that the roars she heard were those of a bear, and guilt weighed heavy on her, for she had abandoned Deirdre in her time of need.

I would never leave you, she murmured, voice soft and weak. It gained strength when next she spoke. Did I not promise that I would stand beside you? You are right to be upset with me, for in many ways I have betrayed you. I ask forgiveness for all that I have done, and hope that you might someday grant it to me. She remembered Larkspur's message, but thought it more important to regain Deirdre's trust first, even if only a little.

you did promise me those things, deirdre relented, her eyes falling back to her. i will not question you, doing what you did. i know your heart, as larkspurs is, is pure. but what i will ask of you is to not leave me blind to these things! if i am meant to lead, then i cannot be the fool, the words were punctuated with the forward-thrust of her ears. while some of her felt betrayed, the better part knew that starbuck had not intended ill in doing what she had.

deirdre sighed, at the thought. is she alright, she asked at length, worried that perhaps starbuck, herself, for all her affection, might despise her for her own choices.

Starbuck's ears drooped, and with it much of her posture. I did only what I thought was right, she murmured, slinking forward to try to offer physical reassurance that she was there now. It all happened so fast, but only by your leave will I go away for so long. This was not a difficult promise to make, for Starbuck still preferred the comforts of home to the rough life of a traveler. 

Larkspur is well, said she. She sent me with a message for you. She wanted you to know that she was sorry for leaving you, but that she had to go. She could not bear to be so near to Skellige, for his sins against her and her father. And lastly, but most importantly, she wanted me to tell you that she loves you, and this she said most vehemently of all, and I know it to be the truth of her heart.

deirdre despised to see starbuck feeling low, and though she desired to reach forward and hold her, to tell her it was all alright, deirdre knew she could not lie. she herself was comforted by starbuck's own words. her worry over starbucks absence had been true and painful--she had worried, and every day the woman had been gone she felt something missing, as though starbuck were a limb upon her own body. it was a phantom feeling, but too real to deirdre.

starbuck spoke of larkspur then, and of a message. though deirdre had not been absolutely certain of starbuck's cause for leaving, the woman confirmed her role in the dark night. deirdre nodded to her words, understanding. she was not sure what skellige had expected from his protege to be--violence would (almost) never beget love! she begrudged larkspur nothing, but to hear of the honeyed girls love... it took her breath away!

deirdre closed her eyes tightly for a moment. she was unsure if she felt any guilt; all that deirdre had wanted was larkspur to be well again, and she had healed her, but had she played a role in her beloved friends imprisonment? deirdre wished to keep her there for selfish reasons, and she realized this, now. she could not begrudge skellige his actions against larkspur or mordecai, either--he could have killed the honeycomb, but he did not. and perhaps mordecai lived yet, as well--who was to know that for certain? even skellige would not!

i put you through too much, deirdre spoke apologetically. i want to know all of what you think, starbuck. please, do not hold back,

With Larkspur's message delivered, Starbuck felt a weight lift from her, replaced by satisfaction. Her task was complete, and she saw that though it brought sorrow to Deirdre, the sorrow was mingled with love and joy. 

You have put me through nothing, she said softly, sweetly. I expected your ire, and indeed I expected it. I worked against your wishes, though I believed, and still believe, that I did what was best for dear Larkspur. She is home now. She is among her family, where I hope she is happy. And oh, did she hope she had done the right thing! But surely Larkspur would be happy. How could she not? She was among those who loved her.

Finally she spoke the truth of that night, and indeed of all that had transpired with Larkspur and, most importantly, Skellige. I do not trust Skellige, she said. Not only for his sins against Larkspur and her father. But not for the way he spoke to me, which I can understand given his stress at the time. I met with one of his followers and found her more than agreeable, but she gave me grave warnings against him. She felt he was dangerous enough that she promised me her protection from him. Starbuck paused, then finally asked what had been weighing on her mind since the beginning of this. Why do you love him so?

deirdre listened simply to listen, not to retort or respond. she wanted to understand, she wanted to know; she did not wish to defend her actions, nor skellige's. deirdre wanted larkspur to be safe and out of harms way, and though deirdre thought herself capable of this she felt that if larkspur did not, who was she to force her to see things her way? deirdre knew that the best thing to do for those that you loved was to set them free when they wished it, though it made her want to scream and weep and wallow in this miserable feeling that was like a yoke around her. deirdre would not cage the golden bird, who had taken with her some of her heart.

starbuck then spoke of skellige, and again deirdre listened. it was not for her to make starbuck trust the man, though she wondered at who starbuck spoke of. someone spoke against the man but also against his promise to her, to donnelaith--that he would harm any within her ranks was expressly against what they had once spoken of. deirdre was thoughtful for a long moment, but her own trust toward the man went beyond that of one of his mistrustful followers. she had learned her own trust through her experiences with the man; words were fragile things that could manipulate the mind to darker things.

deirdre only spoke when starbuck questioned her. my eyes are open to things seen by all and things seen by few, and i believe what my eyes have brought me to witness. skellige has saved me, more than once and each time without my asking. he has given me much and taken from me nothing. he would not turn a fang against you, starbuck; he promises this forest further protection. he is unlike anything i have ever known. when my father passed, he was present; he stayed with me when i was not myself, when i did not know myself. he lent me his strength, and even when i was weak, he did not move against me, deirdre breathed in and out. it was skellige who first came to save me from the bear, and my brother aided him. he could have come for you, come for larkspur--he sacrificed himself for me, instead of something i know he believed in with all of his heart was meant to be his own, deirdre blinked, aware, now, of the word that starbuck had used... love...

and something seemed to click. i did not know i loved him so, but i do. i do not know that i would be here this day without him, for the bear had been out for more than simply her blood. deirdre's eyes drew to him, and she offered her friend a wan smile. i do not ask for you to love him, but i do wish that you might give him but one more chance, if you have room in your heart for such a thing, this request was quiet, and truly just that, a request--never could she demand starbuck to do any thing that her intuition warned her against! but in this wish, i would have you defy me if you feared for your safety, deirdre pressed, her ears pricked forward.

The mean, envious part of Starbuck wished to cry out. I would have been there, too! I could have done that for you! cried her heart, but the pragmatism of her mind tempered the desperate thoughts. Would-haves and could-haves did not replace the truth, which was that Starbuck was not a part of Deirdre's life when these things happened. But someone was, and it was Skellige. 

It is my wish to see him as you do- she paused, then backtracked- to see the good in him. The woman I met had great respect for him, and so do you. I believe you, and I believe sweet Atoll, with whom I spoke. For you are not the only wolf who owes him his life, and even for your life I am thankful to him. So of course I will heed your desire, dearheart. She not only owed it to the man, but to Deirdre, whom it was difficult to deny even the lightest of favors.

I did not know, she said softly, apologetically. Again she moved forward, hoping to display with the physical that which words could not convey. Love, yes. Love, and admiration and comfort, for Deirdre had been through much in her short life.

deirdre was swiftly mollified by starbucks response. always had the girl loved her exotic counterpart, but it increased a hundred-fold as the beautiful woman spoke to her. always from her heart! and as the ministrations came, deirdre leant into them. i have known you for so short a time, and i love you dearly, too, differently, and yet, the same. starbuck owned a portion of her heart in a way no one else likely ever would; for the woman was the first to follow her, accept her, for age and for inexperience as a queen and as a wolf and as a witch. starbuck's own love seemed unconditional, and if asked deirdre would assure her beloved subordinate, sweet and soothing as the lavender she was presently ranked as, that starbuck ought to never expect different from her.

a soft breath was exhaled then as the girl nosed her friend tenderly. come, let us get some rest. you have traveled long, and i have not slept well since your absence, she admitted, though the expression on her face displayed that this was not meant to be a cruel jab or anything of that nature. no, it was meant to show how contented she was, and thankful, for starbuck's return.

Oh! It was as if Deirdre knew exactly which words would strike the poor Seer's heart. Starbuck had no name for her love for Deirdre, but knew it to be true and pure. Be it philia or ludus, it was true. And though she thought that Deirdre held her in high regard, it eased her heart to hear the words aloud. You are so dear to me, Deirdre. Though the time has been short, I feel no hesitance in saying the same. I love you, she sighed sweetly. Though they had argued, Starbuck was comforted by the ease with which they made up.

Rest, yes. Rest for her weary legs, her weary mind, her joyful heart. Starbuck nodded, tenderly grooming the soft fur near Deirdre's ears. Yes, let's, she agreed and, knowing Deirdre's preferences, settled in the open, not more than a few feet from where they stood. She nestled between two large, exposed roots of a nearby tree and looked to Deirdre to see if she would come.

deirdre smiled radiantly at the others admission; that their hearts felt the same warmed her as a wildfire would, and deirdre was again at utter ease. they had both said what they needed to be said, and deirdre was ever ready to let bygones be bygones. starbuck's grooming further assuaged her, and she reveled momentarily in the others presence, utterly happy for its return.

when starbuck moved to rest, deirdre brushed her nose against the leaf-littered earth, her tail waving slowly. deirdre moved after her and slid to her belly, making the awkward maneuver somehow graceful, before moving to use starbuck's withers as her heads resting place. deirdre fell into a nearly immediate sleep, though her mind strayed to larkspur for some odd moments before drifting toward skellige, who she knew to be healing in the bay and resting there. knowing that each of those that she loved were now out of harms way caused her eyes to close, and shortly thereafter she fell into a restful slumber.