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| There were many things on his mind, heaviness of Bragi's departure from the Bay though Ragnar had made no attempts to stop his son — it was strange to think it, to acknowledge and accept it even when the boy childishly denied it with every fiber of his being. Yet, that was what Bragi was: a child. If he felt that he needed to leave the Bay to find his own path as most Rekkr's did, if time away from him was what he needed to realize and accept the truth (though Ragnar had not told him that he was his father) then Ragnar would not stand in his way. The boy was old enough to hunt for himself, to fend for himself and perhaps Sveið would have been furious with Ragnar for letting Bragi go. In fact, Ragnar almost knew that she would be; but Bragi would be a man soon and needed to be allowed to make his own decisions without his parents making them for him. So he could join any pack except the Isle and if it didn't work out, Bragi knew that Ragnar would welcome him back. A small part of him had hoped that the child would stay, that he would be able to speak with him not as Alpha and Subordinate but as Father and Son and that Bragi could be something of a role model for Ragnar's adopted children, and his future blood children to come.
Now, he did not look for that to be in the cards unless for some reason Bragi decided to stop running away from the truth and accept it.
Still, like any father, Ragnar worried about him and worried what Thistle might do to him if he spilled his secret to her. That he had taken and given the famous shield maiden his seed and that Bragi was the product of that blood frenzied, Berserker mushroom induced night. It was the same reason he did not broach the subject of a polygamy relationship with her, either, though he desired it, greatly. Both Nerian and Thistle were special to him and he did not realize what was wrong with wanting them both aside from that it was nothing short of pure selfishness and possessiveness. He would not give up Thistle for he loved her greatly, but he held affections for Nerian affections that went beyond master and slave, affections of a man and women kind. With the two women at odds with one another he knew he would never broach it with her, not when he felt that their rivalry with one another was at it's peak. In his younger years he would have been arrogant and smug that two women were battling it out over him, conceded beyond all rationality over it. Now, he just felt something of a sorrow about it because he wanted them to get along and he wanted them both to be his. To, as Nerian said, both give him sons. It was an enticing idea that had ensnared him the moment she had spoken it though he resisted because of the promise he made to Thistle. He could not lose @Thistle Cloud she was his soul mate even though he wasn't very clear on what exactly a soul was.
He sent up a howl for her, desiring his Dróttning to speak, and wanting to worship her body, after they talked, if she would let him. It had been some time since he had showed her how he loved her given they're fights lately but he wanted to mend that just in case she faced any sort of doubts that she owned his heart. It was the most important piece to own, after all, for it was said that a warrior never reveals his heart until the axe does. |
Thistle had noticed the departure of the son of her husband, but had not said anything. She had apologized to him and they had seemed to get along in the end, but he had still left. She did not worry for him as she would most who left, simply because he was his father's son and he would be fine, just as she was fairly certain she wouldn't worry too badly when her own children left if they ever did. And part of her thought it was her fault for fighting with him in the beginning.
And truth be told Thistle was tired of being angry and she was tired of fighting, she was just bone deep weary of conflict. It hurt and it made her cry and she hated every single minute of it. Now she was exhausted to in part for the long nights that she lay awake and those few that she cried herself to sleep trying to come up with something to make her feel better and nothing worked. And her mind was so full and deep of thoughts, that she just couldn't get the rest she needed ever anymore. And had Ragnar had told her the truth she just would have looked at him and shrugged she already knew Bragi was his, just as she knew that he was fond of his priestess and just as she knew all her herbs. She just knew.
Thistle had realized weeks now, though she was loathe to admit it that, she could never hold fully onto her warrior viking. He was too wild and free and the heart that beat in his chest was far to strong. And that was wherein lied the whole idea of two women being his, she did not want to lose what she did have claim too which was his heart, and she feared greatly that she would. It was the only thing she could claim was fully hers, everything else he gave to everyone else and selfishly she guarded that secret and that secret alone to herself and did not think she could even utter it. For that made her feel so tainted and selfish that she was want to cry all over again. She hated being selfish hated it, made her feel dirty, but well what was she to do when she couldn't help it. As she thought about such terrible thoughts her mind went again to Nerian and a pang shot through her chest. She was afraid of so much where Nerian was concern, because she did fear that if anyone could take what was hers it would be the priestess for she was good and did not fight as Thistle did. She did not yell and scream and rage like she did. and she loved with everything she was not selfish as she was. Thistle's ears perked up as her husbands voice rang out across the lands for her, and it reached in and twisted at her heart a little tighter. Making sure the children were well taken care of she followed the sound as it fell silent. She found him and stood still for a moment unsure what to do, they still had not mended exactly, but she did know one thing she could give that may help a little at least. She walked forward slowly and ghosted on nimble tiny paws to lick the side of his face and pull gently at his ruff, to ghost back and sit to her haunches in front of him. You called me Dearheart?
| Ragnar could not help how he felt about Nerian any more than the Priestess could help that she had fallen in love with him. It was some horrific case of Stockholm Syndrome if Ragnar would have known what it was but he did known and believe in the Norns. He understood that Fate was a driving force and that everything that happened was because of it. It was Fate. Fate that he had fallen in love with and had given Thistle his heart, and fate that Nerian had found him here, that she loved him. He wanted both women. It was that simple of a desire. He could never relinquish his control over Nerian until she was his and he knew she wouldn't breed with any other man, though he masqueraded that desire as not wanting another man to touch her or, accordingly, hurt her. And if he could convince Thistle to consent to it he knew Nerian would go into heat again within the year and he could have his technically third litter of children (the first had been born stillborn and premature and the second was Bragi) and in that way the children would not be bastards, unlike Dagrun.
The swell of excitement in his chest was beaten down and contained swiftly as it came to his attention that Thistle, as far as Ragnar was aware, still didn't like Nerian and he had vowed that he wouldn't take another woman...but in Ragnar's mind this didn't fall under that particular category. It wasn't as if he was seeking Nerian for pleasure ...he could get that easily enough from Thistle. He truly did, in some warped way care for the Priestess and he wasn't sneaking behind his wife's back, either. If and when he broached the subject of it she would either be willing to give it a try, to invite Nerian into their home, family, and bed or she would be disgusted and angry with him. Not angry enough to leave him he assumed if only because he would only be suggesting it. A suggestion was not the same thing as actually doing it. If she refused him his polygamy desires he supposed he would have no other option then to drop it for once and for all.
As Thistle approached he was relieved to see that none of the children trailed behind her for this conversation would not be meant for children's ears whether it went well or they ended up having a fight over it. He almost asked about Junior's welfare but stopped himself with a pang in his chest. Junior had been returned to her family and though it had been his intention to return her he was saddened knowing that she had chosen to go back home though he understood, and was filled with the painful realization that he missed his little Shield Maiden in training. However, for the moment he tucked that away to focus on the reason why he had called Thistle to him. "Have you and Nerian been able to work out your problems, my love?" He asked her not skirting around the bush, leaning into her touch when she tugged at his scruff and watched her with studious eyes as she reclined a little bit away. For the moment that was the biggest and most important question he had for her. |
Thistle stared at him a moment and there it was what she had feared all along she was merely second best to his precious priestess and her heart felt sore and bruised, but she didn't flinch and she didn't cry, she just stared at him. He had not asked her how she was he had not checked on her, he had not asked anything,except whether or not she and Nerian were fine and it made her sick. They had not spoken for a week and when they did it was cold and stilted and his first question was whether or not she and nerian were fine. She shook her head to dispel the thoughts that threatened to tear her already bruised self down. She nodded once yes we are fine.
She realized then too that her children would also always perhaps be second best because they were not his and the minute Nerian went into heat again he would have what he wanted his many fucking sons. Because what was the point of asking him to wait until she had a litter first, when the answer would be no because he wanted his priestess so damn bad and Nerian wanted him so very badly too, it was futile so she said nothing. She twitched her ear one time and looked to the ground not sure what to say because she knew what was coming and she knew what her answer would be and then she just wanted to leave and hide somewhere.
She wanted to stand and run away as fast as she could leave him and all this terrible crushing pain behind, just leave, because she had realized it was futile to resist what he wanted it just irritated and made him angry anyway so what was the point and besides she was selfish Nerian had said so and she hated to be selfish.
She shifted and waited for the rest of the question to progress, it was like agony it hurt and it irritated her that she hurt so bad, and that he honestly just didn't understand why it bothered her and maybe he just didn't care, because she already figured he loved his priestess more than her anyway and because she loved him why not let him have what he loved.
Suddenly thistle just couldn't take the wait anymore and she looked at him her eyes like crystals of blue steel veiled and hard but soft and full of love and she spoke softly Just ask your question Ragnar ask me for your priestess, just tell me you want to have her and hold her and love her and everything else. Just stop lying to me and stop lying to yourself and just say it, say that you want her to have your sons because my son's aren't yours by blood just say it,so i can tell you yes and just move on, because i'm not good enough or great enough or loved enough whatever the heck it is, but please just stop this constant nagging at the back of my head and just ask. Because i'm tired of fighting and hurting and crying, i'm tired of being selfish and unreasonable since clearly i don't think of you before myself or at least i've been told so just ask, because i love you enough for the both of us i guess and I can do whatever you want just so your happy and i like Nerian. The last part she added as an after thought her voice still soft and a little bit sad, but she had come to her own conclusion she had figured out a solution that was good for everyone but her, and that was the good thing right, and who knew maybe it wouldn't be so bad....just the thought of nerian having RAgnar's son's before her made her sad, and feel unloved but she said nothing.
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| Ragnar's brows furrowed in contemplation when Thistle confirmed that Nerian and her were now 'fine'. He was not sure exactly what 'fine' entailed, nor the extent of which fine it would end up being for the platinum silver Viking had never expected that he would become the third wheel in his own idea but chose not to ask Thistle the specifics of her 'fine' simply because he deduced that it meant they were no longer at each other's throats for him because they didn't need to be. He was good at sharing himself with women so that neither would feel left out. Ragnar's lips had parted to speak right before Thistle had began speaking, her voice soft which did not necessarily match with the words that were spilling forth from her lips, like word vomit. His face remained stoic through it, but beneath the statue-esque mask his mind was deep in thought and a little bit in a stupor that Thistle thought that he didn't love her. If he didn't love her he would not have turned down Nerian every time she had tried for him, because she was his property and legally he could do whatever he wanted with her. "Why do you think I do not love you, hmm?" The scarred Scandinavian cocked his head to the side as he ghosted towards her. "I do love you, my dröttning, I have given you my heart; and a warrior's heart is never revealed until the axe reveals it," Ragnar told her needing her to know that her owning his heart was the most important part of him. "I do not wish to be parted from you, my love, not now and not ever." Whether Thistle chose to believe it or not it was true. "I never called you any of those things," Ragnar told her when she called herself selfish. "I've been considering a polygamy relationship for a while, having two wives. I cannot let Nerian go, not for another man to hurt her like Vali did in my absence. She deserves to be treated right, to be shown the ways that a man can love her in which her God cannot." Ragnar paused and licked his lips, ghosting towards her a step. "You will not have to share my heart, Thistle. Only my affections and my body." Ragnar wasn't particularly sure that she would find comfort in that but he wanted her to be clear that she had revealed his heart without the axe and that it belonged to her. |
Thistle looked at him and listened she had wanted to get her words out quick enough that she didn't have to repeat herself. ANd that he wouldn't interrupt her or worse get angry. She needed to let him know, like he had told her to do. She wasn't sure what to do with how he answered her though and she sat there for a moment thinking. Her pink tongue darted out to black nose and tawny muzzle as she thought about it. I did not think that I you didn't love me Ragnar I thought you loved her more. And how can I not still think those things when you tell me you don't want her in one breath and that you love only me, but it's clear that you do love and want her? I am not a fool a man does not wish to take care of a woman because he just wants to show her to love, that is ridiculous. Do you realize you are defensive about her and things that upset me about her, and then just now you didn't even say hello to me, you just asked if she and I were fine. She shrugged then. At his last words she felt like slumping forward in relieve but didn't, instead she just said softly I don't want that either.
Thistle's blue eyes met lighter blue and she spoke again You didn't Nerian did. That is how she and I are fine. I found her the one night crying, and she had moved my garden and her paws were so very sore...and I asked her if i could. Thistle was furrowing her brow as she thought trying hard to remember exactly what happened that night. I asked her if I could help her and I apologized to her and I told her I had been jealous because I thought she deserved to know why I had been rather mean and I offered friendship....but she told me I was selfish adn unhappy and I needed to realize that I had everything anyone else would want and that I needed to stop being selfish and then she all but called me a liar when she told me that I did not want to be her friend, i wanted her gone which wasn't true and she told me I didn't think of you because if I had then I would have let you have her and your sons. Thistle grew quiet again and sighed softlyl ...and of course I lost my temper and told her she had no right to judge me not at all and that I had every right to call her out, but hadn't and that I was trying to apologize and be friendly but she was the one being selfish and closed off and cruel, and I told her i was sorry for everything she was going through adn that i was sorry she had lost her faith...because that is most of her problem and she fainted. The next part was on ragged breath and half a sob as she remembered how scared she had been...and it scared me ragnar I was so afraid and I realized that i was being silly and petty, and I covered her up with myself because it was going to rain and when she woke up she told me she was sorry and we were fine and friends. Thistle looked up at him unsure what he would take from that, but it all ended up well in the end right.
Thistle furrowed her brow and looked down and spoke softly I can do this then Ragnar for you. Though I'll need to adjust and you can't be mad at me for my adjustment period. If Thistle had known that yet again he was lying through ommission adn she would have to share his heart she would have told him to just take his precious priestess and leave her alone, but love has blinders and she did not know, so she was content she supposed for the moment. Again giving more of herself to others than she received.
| Ragnar considered her words, wondering if Thistle was, indeed right. Was his 'feelings' for Nerian more than he had always thought in that case? He had thought that he had been taking care of her because she was his slave, his responsibility and it was, therefore his job. It was true that after Dagmar and before Sif he had tried numerous times to get Nerian to lie with him and each time she had rejected him, speaking of celibacy and that her God would know until Ragnar had given up and left her be on the matter. If Ragnar did love Nerian it had likely happened a long time ago and was out of his control. It wasn't fair to Thistle, but it wasn't fair that he was being punished for it when he could do nothing for it. He loved them both. Wasn't that enough? Especially from a man who had never loved before. He had lusted and it had burned as bright as a morning star only to die as quickly. As it was he could not live without either woman in his life, his slave nor his queen. Thistle was his soul mate or so he thought that was the right term to describe it (despite his lack of knowledge on what a soul was) and he did love her truly. She owned his heart, proven by the dream that he had fed her blood pudding. That dream meant only one thing: that he had given her his heart.
"I told you I have given you my heart. I dreamt I was feeding you blood pudding and that was when I knew." Aside from ripping it out of his chest and handing it to her, which would leave him quite dead, he wasn't sure what else to do to prove it to her. He could love without Thistle having to sacrifice his heart. It was hers, and she had the power to crush it if she wanted too. She could obliterate it and he had no idea what might happen if she ever decided to do that to him and figured that it wasn't a state anyone wanted him to be in. He had no words for her on how this would be different because he had never had more than wife before. He had had a wife and many dalliances but never two women who he was committed too to bear him sons. He was curious and excited to find out, though. To know that shortly he would have two wives and another litter of children, his first known and present litter of the year of his blood....well providing Nerian consented. Silently, he moved closer to her and began to pepper her jaw with sultry kisses, before he pulled back some to see if she would accept his advances or spurn them.
"I have missed your body." It had been a long time since they had made love and Ragnar did not want Thistle to think that the fire of desire that burned for Thistle had gone anywhere with the prospect of a second wife on the horizon. |
Bending her head at his next words, No Ragnar you gave that away long before me you just didn't realize it until you met me that you could. So I am second best always have been second best. You are an unfair man Ragnar and sometimes I really really hate you for making me love you, but I do love you and there's no changing that so i'll settle for second best. She kept her head bowed and though he started kissing and soft touches she wanted to run and scream and claw and bite. Make him bleed just a little bit so he could feel a fraction of the pain he put her through. Because he was either clueless and had no idea half the time he was hurting her or he just didn't care she hadn't decided which one it was so with a soft sigh half sob she leaned into him and took what he was willing to give her right now.
Standing swiftly to hide the tear tracks she brushed past him her flank gliding across his chest and she tickled his nose gently with her tail Are you coming? And she strode towards the forest, realizing as she went that she would suffer for this always. It was simple really her husband was a jarl, a father and now had two wives he had been barely able to make time for her before and now with two he wouldn't have time at all and she realized that she refused to let him treat anyone as he treated her, so she would be the one to suffer she would take the silence and the minutes that he had where he had it, but he would spend most of his time with his children and his other wife, because she was fairly certain Nerian needed him more than she and Thistle would not let him hurt her. She would leave this world and go with a broken heart however long it took as long as the broken heart didn't kill her first. But she loved him and she would deal with it, because of that.
She froze for a moment and looked back and spoke softly Let me talk to Nerian before you do so I can tell her i am okay with it. I do not want her to spurn your advances in fear for my anger and jealousy. Then she continued on.
| "You are not second best," Ragnar didn't settle for second best and that was something that she should have known of him by this point. Brow furrowed at her words, and he felt frustration at her build up inside him, a hefty breath spilling from his flared nostrils in something akin to a human sigh. It seemed no matter how many times he tried to show her that she was not second best, that taking Nerian as a second wife was not a slight at her, that he hadn't lost interest in her that she would only twist them to mean everything he said was a lie. Of course, Ragnar wasn't seeing this through her eyes, only his own, and that limited his perception on the subject greatly. Perhaps if he'd had the ability to take a step back and see things through her eyes he might have better understood her pain and reservation that was to him infuriating because he couldn't understand it. "Thistle," Ragnar spoke in a soft groan against her throat as she half sighed and half sobbed as she leaned into his touches, his kisses. "My love you and I were Fated by Frigg and Odinn," He breathed unsure if she was even listening to him, unsure if his words would even crack through her insecurities but knowing that he had to try because he needed her on board with it because they would have to explain it to the children. Not that Nerian was a second mother to them, but that she was their father's second woman and would bear them half-siblings as well as their own mother would bear them siblings. It sounded simple enough in Ragnar's mind but he understood making them understand would not nearly be so simple, if they would even understand as young as they were.
"You are my queen and my love for you has not gone anywhere, neither my desire. Without you I would be dead many times over.” Not that death scared Ragnar, really. Somehow, Ragnar was filled with the distinct feeling that he wasn't doing this right and so fell into silence when she strode past him, her side gliding against his, tail flicking under his chin and against his nose, inviting him."That didn't stop her before." Ragnar pointed out, not sure that he was all to keen on the idea since it was his idea and Nerian would be his second wife. Both women would be mated to him, not one another and it felt wrong that he not be the first to broach it to her, both as her prospect suitor and as her master. |
Her stomach did a flip at her name softly accented on his tongue, but she said nothing. As selfish as it was Thistle had not thought about how the children would take this. Mostly simply because they were young and resilient they would be raised this way so it would not be wrong to them.
And again his words did not help to soothe, but rather sounded as if she were merely a means to keep him alive. But it was no fault of his an she didn't say anything to that either. Thistle swung around at this point and stared point blank at him thanks ragnar like I didn't rememeber that she sighed then and shifted I am not going to take credit for your damn polygamy Ragnar but she and I are semi friends so now that she knows me she might spurn you or did you ever think that maybe she'll spurn you because you told her no. so at least let me tell her I'm ok with her chasing after you but I need to do this Ragnar if I'm going to share my husband she wouldn't give an inch there and turned back around swishing her tail gently across her legs.
| Ragnar's wife spun around to face him and it occurred to him then that perhaps he should not have kept speaking. That he should have accepted her invitation and made love to her and kept his mouth shut because currently he was digging his hole deeper. Still, he had wanted her to know that he loved her, even if she didn't seem inclined to believe him, though his pointing out that Nerian did not need Thistle's permission to accept Ragnar's offer only seemed to piss his wife off further. It had been borne out of his irritation that he would not be the first one to approach Nerian about it because Nerian would become his mate not Thistle's. They would be sharing Ragnar, not one another. "No," Ragnar responded honestly to her questions. No, he did not think that Nerian would refuse him because he had rejected her. To be fair, she had rejected him numerous times over when he had sent Dagmar away and had turned to his Priestess in the hopes that she might be willing to give him her body and the pleasure he sought. If she would have ...well Thistle and him wouldn't have been standing here. He would have taken Nerian as his wife long ago and probably would have never came to the Teekon Wilds. But she had refused him, and Ragnar had left and Thistle and him were there. "There will be no need to chase anyone. I am very good with two women," He had something similar to a polygamy relationship during his previous relationships though he had never taken more than one wife before. But a wife and a dalliance was basically an unofficial polygamy relationship. In time, Ragnar was confident Thistle would see that this would work and that he was not trading one woman for the other. |
Thistle snorted at that and said softly, No Ragnar you are not when it comes to feelings and emotions and anything else, but that is an argument for another day. Now come here, i'm tired of this fighting, just make me forget for a bit okay. And then she waited patiently the sun slanting across half her face.
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| Ragnar felt a sigh escape his lips nearly inaudible when she turned to stare at him asking a question that she already knew the answer too. Obviously, Ragnar didn't get it. He decided to keep his mouth shut, however, for the sake of not instigating her ire further than he already had. In this case his penchant for silence would likely prove to be his only ally. He should have implored it much sooner but he hadn't and the consequence of it was his. Silently, the scarred Scandinavian followed behind his wife to a more secluded place of the forest intent in proving his love to her since his words did not seem to hold any sort of merit as far as she was concerned. "You are beautiful," He murmured huskily to her as she stopped having found a place she was contented with within the deep and darkened confines of the forest. He slid along side her body, smoothing his tongue against the warm sun kissed fawn colored fur of her body at random, circling her to nip lightly at her cheek, pausing to rake his teeth against the fur of her scruff before he completed his circle, a fire burning hotly in his loins for her.
Pausing a second to extend the physical torture of aching for her, Ragnar rose upon his hind legs and drew their hips and bodies together. |