Junior wasn't really one to stare and admire her scenery, yet when colossal clouds — ten times the size of the nearby mountains — took over the sky, she found a seat near the plateau's edge and gaped at them. The blue sky of late afternoon soon gave way to a fiery orange smear and, in the distance, she could see gray curtains of rain blowing in from the ocean. Despite her youthful attention span, she remained transfixed until the sky eventually grew dim, then dark.
Finally, she climbed to her feet and turned to head deeper into the territory, most likely directly to bed. She wanted to be somewhere warm and dry before the rain blew over the plateau. Yet before she even took two steps, she sensed a presence. She felt someone watching her. Junior's black fur prickled and she began to growl, though she swallowed the noise back, ears straining to pick up any noise in the surrounding darkness.
logically, he knew it was not peregrine who stood in the darkness; the body was too slim, devoid of the musculature that comprised his former partner. and yet there was a litheness to the movements that spoke of the panther, a fluid ferocity in the long limbs and the silhouette. and so he watched, until the low hum of osprey's growl found his ears.
ashamed, lasher stepped from the shadows, ears flickering backward in embarrassment. "i am sorry, junior," the epsilon whispered, approaching her gingerly. "i was ... lost in thought." his plume gave a half-hearted wag of good nature toward the girl; he was pleased she and saena had returned to the plateau.
"Lasher!" Junior cried when her father's former lover stepped out of the shadows, looking abashed. "You're fine," she added, regaining her composure. She then swallowed as she searched for something to say to him. She remembered that Saēna wanted each of them to get Lasher on his own, yet that plan had never been solidified. In fact, it had sort of flown out the window when Ty had screamed that she hated them and run off to who-knows-where.
"You really are back then," Junior observed in a soft tone. "I'm sorry, Lasher, that... sucks. Did... she make you come back here?" she asked, aware that she was being nosy and that Lasher probably didn't want to think or talk about any of this. But the gossipy adolescent couldn't help herself.
he recalled, at junior's reaction to him, that of course she and her sister would know he had returned, and her brief mention of fox did not come as a surprise to him. "no," he said softly, striving to hide the faintest tremble of his lips. "i left of my own accord. this is my home. the caldera could never be that to me."he was silent then, fighting for composure; peregrine's tearstained face upon that last night swam before his eyes.
"it is good that you and saena have come back," the earthen man murmured after a moment, a wan but genuine smile curving his mouth. "you will always have a home here." perhaps it was a bold statement, but taltos had tired of the way fox had torn peregrine's family apart, and how the panther had aided her; he did not wish to see any more of it.
"But... I thought you and my dad were, you know, in love? Why would you leave him? Isn't love worth more than a piece of ground...?" Junior asked, aware that she sounded demanding. Her curiosity burned. "You..." she continued in a slow, thoughtful tone, "you... didn't give in and let Fox win, did you?"
her questions were not surprising, but they made lasher uncomfortable all the same — he did not know how to aptly answer her. lowering himself wearily to his haunches, the earthen servant gazed off toward the storm-dark shadows of the plateau, as if they held the proper rejoinders to her inquiries. "i do love your father," he said softly, returning his attention to the girl. "he means more to me than i can possibly say. this land," taltos continued, brushing at the loam with a forepaw, "has naught to do with it."
he supposed she deserved honesty; he would only have withheld it from her if he thought the girl too young to understand, which she was not. "perhaps in a way i did let her 'win,' but it is no true victory. i am not her subordinate. i would not serve her and her demands and her whims. i would not be relegated to the sidelines because i could not do as she and give peregrine children. my love for him abides, but fox and i would have contention between us forever. he would have been miserable knowing this."
lasher made no move to hide the tears that began to run ceaselessly down his cheeks; he watched junior through a blurred veil of saltwater. "therefore, though it broke our hearts, i left him. i want his happiness to abound, and forcing him to be the liasion between myself and fox would not have brought him joy. i feel that my departure was for the best," he explained softly, finally dipping his head to let the tears fall noiselessly to the ground.
His tears surprised her and made her a bit uncomfortable. A bit awkwardly, she scooted closer to him and gave him a quick nudge to his neck. "I'm... really sorry, Lasher," she said rather lamely. "My dad didn't deserve you," she added, mumbling under her breath.
she moved closer to him, and he again saw peregrine in the movement; he accepted her gesture silently, warmed by her nearness. she did not smell of the panther, but of outdoor things; loam; rain; wind, the stamp of an outrider firmly upon her. "perhaps i did not deserve him," he mused after a moment, voice a whisper. "after all, if i had deserved him, i should have stayed."
doubt rose to choke him, and he closed tightly his eyes, hoping somewhat selfishly that junior would not pull away from him. he was a creature unanchored; the essence of lasher was one of attachment, and without peregrine, the man was quite lost.
With those words and the sense of camaraderie they engendered, Junior shuffled a little bit closer to him, unaware that he was in need of an anchor even as she offered herself as one. "It's probably not much — what's the word? — consolation, but... just like you're glad I came back, I'm glad you came back. We may be Peregrine's castoffs but if we stick together, we'll stay strong," she finished, finding her father's given name strange on her tongue.
lasher derived a pure sort of satiation from junior's closeness, though guilt was swiftly overtaking doubt in their varied race for dominance of his heart. he recalled figures from his hazy past; julien alone stood out, with his charming eyes and penchant for young flesh. taltos fought the tension that sought to sweep his body as he wondered with mild horror if he had inherited the frenchman's proclivities.
while he struggled with the wisdom to know if his prolonged closeness to osprey junior was appropriate, he was wildly thankful for her presence, her words. "thank you," the earthen servant whispered against the brush of her dark fur; at once it was both as if he was near peregrine again, and yet it was foreign, her rangy delicacy and the skyswept scent of her pelt.
The youth was completely oblivious to any tension on his part, aside from the strong emotions stirred by their conversation. Not wanting to linger on that subject but also not wanting to just leave him here, clearly bereft and isolated, Junior tried to think of something else to talk about and the words, "Are you like my dad — you like both girls and boys? Or just boys?" She paused, wondering if that was a rude question. "You don't have to answer that," she added slowly.
he smiled; her youthful bluntness was a welcome distraction. "both," lasher answered quietly. "i have a fondness for men and women." his spirits momentarily lifted, he watched junior with an amused glint in his eye. the knowledge of differing sexualities was one he felt was important; he wondered if she had been exposed to any such knowledge while with the pack he now knew as the nereides. though he knew little about them, he fancied them fierce women, what with their disdain for men, fierce woman who perhaps took solace in one another.
junior was young, and lasher did not suspect that she had any stirrings of passion in her body; she had ample time to discover herself, and so he would keep his words vague unless pressed, as he did not wish to sway her toward premature exploration.
"How do you know which one you'll prefer, or if you'll like both?" she queried innocently. She was about to say she didn't feel particularly attracted to wolves of either gender, then she realized that wasn't true at all. "I definitely like guys. But will I like girls too? Is there, like, a cutoff for when that happens?" She blinked at him, wondering if she was articulating that all wrong.
"i knew when i was young that i found beauty in both men and women, but i could not tell you when, or how. it simply ... was," lasher answered, a demure curve appearing on his lips. to junior's stance on men, he flicked a curious ear — despite her worldly tone and experienced attitude, the girl was still quite young. "and how do you know you like males?" he purred playfully, his sorrow pushed down by curiosity.
"you may like females later. when the body changes, when it becomes capable of childbearing, new feelings may arise. your mind will also change. it happens to us all," he explained, expecting that the willow or peregrine had discussed this topic more in depth with the plateau juveniles.
"I had — have — a... crush on one?" she answered Lasher's query honestly, uncertain of the terminology. She did not name him, as that was her own personal business. "I've never felt anything toward another girl, though," she added thoughtfully.
Tipping her head and briefly meeting Lasher's eyes, Junior queried, "Did you have lovers before my dad? Like how he had my mom? And then you, then Fox? Does everyone have a lot of different partners in their life?" She asked because she found herself instinctively rebelling against the idea, as if it went against her innermost programming. "Or do they usually mate for life?" Somehow, that seemed more... right to her, even though it didn't occur to her to judge her father's preferences socially.
"ah," he answered to her explanation, though it was upon the tip of his tongue to ask junior who this man was, exactly. perhaps it was paternalistic of him, but he could not help the surge of protectiveness that had risen suddenly in his bosom. to her observation about attraction to the fairer sex, he did not comment — if the younger osprey formed desire for females later, that remained to be seen.
he met junior's eyes with an amiable light in his own; her gaze was quite beautiful, lit as it was with curiosity. again he thought of julien, and again he moved past the idea. "i did," he said with a nod. "i have never been one for monogamy, or the need to pass on my lineage. that is the tradition of things; to mate with the opposite of one's sex, to father children, to further one's line. but we are not all like that. myself, i am devoid of those urges, and so i can dedicate myself wholly to those i love, and who love me."
"So my family definitely isn't traditional," she observed aloud a few beats later, "and neither am I, I guess. I mean, I guess it's pretty normal to like a dude... but I don't think I want to have pups. I don't have the urge," Junior explained, using a word he'd used himself. "I know it's probably weird to say that since I'm kind of one myself but I don't like pups and I don't really want anything to do with them. Is that weird?"
he shook his head. "not at all," lasher affirmed. "the having of children is not for every wolf." given her age, he would have been surprised if junior had been insistent on the idea of children, but the man thought it wise not to again mention her youth. the dark outrider was well aware, he was sure. "there are times that pups are created and reared, and even abused, by creatures that did not truly want them, and therefore should not have entered into parenthood with one another."
he tilted his muzzle briefly, curiously. "do you think that you should feel the urge to have children one day, junior? if so, what drives the thought?" while it was true that peregrine and his lot were not traditional, there were conservative ideals beneath the surface.
"No, I guess not. It's just that any time anyone talks to me about relationships—romantic ones, I mean—wanting pups is sort of implied as a... foregone conclusion? Did I use that term right?"
he gave her an understanding look. "assumptions are poor things, but it is a conclusion made by many for the simple fact that most relationships bear fruit.", a pause as he mulled. "what you must do, junior, is when the time comes for you to enter into any sort of union, choose a wolf who will not simply expect tradition from you."
perhaps the girl was rather young for such a talk, but lasher intended education over ignorance, after which junior was free to draw her own assumptions.
After a long pause and a deep breath, Junior said, "That makes sense, though. What do you do if your mate wants kids and you don't? Or vice versa?" Even as she spoke, she continued peering out into the night, not yet ready to look him in the face again.
she spoke of dante, and he was perceptive enough to understand where her questions had their root. "i will say nothing," he assured her, hiding a smile. "but if you will allow me, i think that dante is in no hurry to take a mate and sire children. such is his right, as he is alpha now, but he is a logical sort; not hotheaded, not hasty."
to her next question, he passed a lingering look beyond her, not wanting to press the contact of eyes if she remained ashamed of her earlier words. "be as clear as streamwater at the beginning of your union with this creature; do not allow him, or her, to believe that children will be the end result of your relationship if you do not ultimately desire to be a mother. if you are direct, your intentions cannot become muddled in the end."
"But what if I really like—or even fall in love with—someone who does want kids? What if I can't, like, help myself? What then?" the young she-wolf pressed. Lasher spoke logically but matters of the heart rarely were, at least as far as Junior could tell.
"that is a hard decision to make, but that is where flexibility is key. obviously you cannot compromise on such a thing, but there is the option of letting your mate sire pups with another, if such a thing is tolerable unto you both, or raising an orphaned child, of which there are several, especially during the winter months." they were fanciful solutions to a problem he hoped she would not have, but the possibility was there.
"if this other truly loves you, they will not press you into something you do not wish. and if you do not lead them to believe that pups are the goal of your union, then you will find common footing. however, love is a strong emotion, and ultimately i cannot tell you what you must do then." he knew his conclusion was not ideal, but as the situation had not yet arisen, he could make no concrete judgement.
"I could probably eliminate all the guesswork if I just made a sign that says 'DOES NOT WANT KIDS' and wore it around my neck at all times, huh?" she joked lamely, then trailed off into silence.
Junior was getting pretty tired and she knew it was late. "If you aren't trying for Counselor, you should be," she told Lasher, looking at him at last. "If you tell anyone about... you know... I'll kill you. I'll make it look like an accident." The youth said this with a completely straight face.
"Good night, Lasher," she said quietly a moment later, casting him a small smile before trotting away into the dark.