Blacktail Deer Plateau you said that we can’t go back

very vague

the reunion with feline left her with all sorts of emotions. she thought about her day in and day out, no matter what she tried to occupy herself with. it often left her feeling happy yet conflicted at the same time and she had no clue why. she was stressed about the whole thing really.

max sought out more poppy seeds to ease her troubles. she would have preferred to lounge around in her den, but the stash had run out so she was forced out of her little bubble. she was usually light on her feet, almost in a prancing sort of way, but her movement was slow and robotic today.

Searching for Varinril has become most of her work. She scours the plateau and the surrounding territories. Honestly, anything to keep her occupied, uncertain what to do with herself these days. Each day only proves their friend is missing; maybe she left, maybe someone got her, maybe she’s stuck somewhere… maybe she’s dead. None of these options sit well with her but she doesn’t know what to do about it. When Wildfire went missing, she had a whole pack to look for her—to fight for her—but it’s different now. Difficult. Mallaidh sighs, droops, and starts to question whether or not she’s doing the right thing.
 
Distracted, she notes Max on the wind and she turns her head to see her walking by on auto-pilot. Pale eyes blink and she shakes her head, chuffing loudly to draw her friend out of her stupor.

varinril had disappeared. a fact that saarthal had realised some time ago - distantly, a thought niggling the back of her mind but ultimately tossed away, pushed aside as something else popped up to take her full attention, this usually being the presence of a stranger wolf. now, thinking about it, they should've had their date already and vari should be the wolf she'd turn to when confusing thoughts emerged after encounters and she wanted someone else to help sort them out. 

in fact, that was exactly how vari's disappearance had first floated to the surface of her mind and oh, god, saarthal was a terrible friend, an absolutely terrible friend. even if varinril had left on her own free will, still, any friend would've noticed...but she'd been out doing god knows what-and shitshitshitfuck did they notice, anything- "hey max!" she'd spotted the girl and in a typical single-minded saarthal manner, had completely failed to notice mallaidh's presence until she was skidding to a stop beside said wolf. she greeted mallaidh with a friendly nudge against her cheek instead and thanked all the deities above that Father wasn't here because he would've killed her if he saw how she'd abandoned all her lessons so quickly and was disgracing the name of rome.

she straightened herself when she saw mallaidh. “oh hey, haven’t seen you in a bit,” she tried to hide her stress behind a smile to no avail. you could see it hear it in her voice, see it in her eyes. still didn’t stop her from trying though. “how’s it going?”

saarthal came out of no where, someone else she hadn’t seen in awhile. come to think of it, they’ve all been a little absent. and varinril’s scent had grown stale around here, but she didn’t look to deep into it at the moment. “hey saarth,” she replied.

“Hey,” she says, stepping up and nudging Max. “I’ve been trying to find Varinril,” she explains, ears tilting back upon her head. She turns to see Saarthal coming up to them and less than gracefully come to a stop. The nudge is allowed by she doesn’t remember the gesture, turning back to Max. “You guys haven’t seen her, have you?” she asks, a frown forming on her features as she worries she’ll get no good news from either of them.

of course the topic turned to varinril. a lump settled in the back of her throat and saarth shifted uneasily on her paws as her stomach churned unpleasantly. and even though the absence of affection and, well, acknowledgement from mallaidh had initially sent a dejected embarrassment fluttering heavily through her body, when the frown marred her friend's features, she pushed her emotion aside in favour of comforting her.

"i haven't," saarthal said, the words heavy on her tongue. she cast a sideways glance at mallaidh trying to gauge her reaction. she wanted to reassure her even if she didn't have the words to do so but she was uncertain how physical affection would be received at such a time - and she didn't need an irate mallaidh at her heels. it struck her then, just how little she knew mallaidh. or max, for that matter. at the thought of the other girl, her gaze drifted, eyes narrowing as she took in the healer. she didn't look all too good there, either.

"she hasn't been around lately," saarthal blurted out. "did she..leave? i'm not saying...you know, but, what if-" she gestured faintly, "i thought she'd be the last of us to do that but- i don't know what if she decided, for whatever reason..to walk away?" she trailed off, knowing realising yet again, how little she knew everyone here. it was a heavy thought, weighed down by: i haven't been-, this is my fault. i should've. i should've talked, i should've-

"i mean, we never really talked about it..right?" she bit her lip, "staying."

Neither Max nor Saarthal are very helpful when it comes to Varinril but at least it opens up a discussion on what to do. She hadn’t expected the pale girl to be the first to disperse, given their closeness over the last few weeks. It stings to be left behind, and then washed up with guilt in case something is wrong. “I guess we should, um… figure it out,” she adds. Before anyone else disappears? How long would they all really be together? Should they go ahead and call it quits, figure out their own lives from here on out? Saarthal has an easy time finding whatever she wants from other girls, at least, and Mallaidh could… go back to Blixen, maybe? What else does she have, if not these girls?

saarthal shifted, eyes flicking in an almost panicked manner between max and mallaidh. the latter spoke, and saarth drew her tongue across her lips, ears sliding backwards imperceptibly. "i-" she glanced over at mallaidh though she met her gaze only for a second before looking away again, trying to gauge max's reaction. mallaidh- she didn't really have the guts anymore. "i'm sticking around if, um, you guys aren't going anywhere..." saarthal trailed off. winter was coming soon and the roman, however much of a northerner she was, didn't like her chances of surviving as a loner. the sooner they decided on what to do, the sooner she could make decisions. an uncomfortable sensation crawled down the length of her spine.

It’s awkward and obviously not the topic they all wanted to talk about. Varinril’s absence makes things weird; their fairy tale world has come crashing to an end. The reality they all have to face has arrived and they can worry over it or they can move forward, making things better for all of them. They agree to it and Mallaidh smiles and nods, eyes lingering on Saarthal for a moment longer. “Let’s get something to eat,” she offers once all the other stuff is out of the way and she nudges the both of them gently, urging them onward.