Phantom Hollow [MATURE] Sorrowful

All Welcome! Sovereign is feeling Things rn, reader and player discretion is advised!

Mature Content Warning

This thread has been marked as mature. By reading and/or participating in this thread, you acknowledge that you are of age or have permission from your parents to do so.

The participants have indicated the following reason(s) for this warning: Some mention of gore, some potential themes of PTSD, thoughts of suicide

Sovereign wandered for a moment from the Lake, deciding she needed some alone time.
In her mind, she saw her mother's body lying there, as her daughter sang her into the Otherworld.
She saw herself dragging Fury's corpse up the mountains, risking herself by getting close to a bear only to hurl her mom at them to the best of her ability, watching the ursine tear her mother apart.
The gore as Sov made sure the job her mom had requested was done.
The steel it took to turn away from the sounds of ripping flesh and walk back home only for the village to be raided by the angry red woman.

And Sovereign had fled. 

She didn't look back.

She should have looked back.

She should have fought!

And she didn't fight.
 

It's all her fault. 

There is no more home. 

It's my fault. 

Mom is dead because of me.

I want mom back!

Maybe I should be dead, too

There's multiple ways I could do it...

Should I do it?

The pale girl stopped in the Hollow, staring at herself solemnly in the water that parted the place from The Heartwood.
She was so tired, and definitely looked the part.
She wasn't sure she would ever have a home like Hildibrandr had been...
Sovereign drew a long breath, exhaled. 
Her breath billowed in the cold air around her as she took in the scenery.
It was so quiet, here...eerily peaceful...

The teen felt herself starting to cry, and though she fought it and eventually began walking back the direction of the Greatwater Lake, she couldn't help but feel uncertain of how her future would unfold...

He made sure he was not followed. Though loyal to Zharille and her cause, his vow to Sovereign ran deeper. It was for their bond, that he wished her to join the brutal woman's band. So that they might stay side by side. Sure, it may mean the white orphan would have to submit to a higher authority, but she could recoup. She would not be alone. She would be a part of something once more, with him. Perhaps their trust and faith could be built back up again.

Unfortunately, bitter experience taught the sole Duskfire not to invest much stock in the promises of others. Especially where packs or groups were concerned. He remained loyal for now, a willing subject to do Zharille's bidding. But, one false move or one turn of abandonment and he would declare treason. And, as cold as the ice he had grown up on, would turn his back on her, to pack up and re-build his life elsewhere. He would not let Sovereign suffer that hurt, too.

He tracked her down, ever intent on not letting her off his radar for long. He found her, guided by the sound of her sobbing voice. Spotted her, apparently already on her way back to home base. His massive form blocked the way, heading to intercept her. His ears plastered down, heart twisting in his chest. And, for the first time in months, he used his voice. For her, and her alone. "...Sovereign...what are you doing out all this way?" His voice was deep, rough like uncured granite. He drew near with a low whine, butting his snout up under her jaw, tenderly. "Tell me what is wrong..."

Her thoughts were so loud.
At first, she wasn't even seeing her friend when he stood in front of her, her amber gaze might've seemed like it was looking through him instead, but quickly as he began coming closer, she registered Ensio in full.
Sovereign's ears slanted as his own did, and she allowed him closer, felt his muzzle under her chin as he attempted potential comfort, using his voice.

Ensio's was somehow soothing...

She herself hadn't used her own voice in awhile, but now, she would. For him.
Slightly cracked, both from underuse and emotion, the teen would talk...

"I only distantly remember when we played with that coyote...the...innocence...that I had then..." She started, swallowing as she steadied herself.
"But I made a mess of things...I have killed, and nearly been killed in turn...and it followed me all the way home, until my mother took her own life to try and save us from my fuck-up...and then...home was no more." She uttered, voice breaking occasionally through the tale.
It was a vague expression of all that had happened before Ensio found her in The Heartwood, but an explanation all the same.
She felt the tightening of her chest as she tried to take a breath. 

It felt so hard to breathe and yet somehow it was as easy as it had always been...
Sovereign did not press to Ensio, even though she wanted to, out of fear that he was going to rip himself away after her words.

He did not recoil or contort his face in disgust.The northern wolf merely sat, silent. Silent but seemingly infinitely patient, his expression unreadable.

She recalled their very first encounter. Both when they were kids, tussling with the remains of a coyote. A time when they were both a little more innocent. And then, she confessed to killing another. Her own life endangered. Finally, then, the suicide of her mother, and the loss of her home.

At this, his chest tightened. The slight swallow of the lump in his throat was the only sign of how deeply he was affected.

It was like looking back in a mirror, almost. Home, gone. Parents, taken. Shreds of innocence, lost. 

 "This...mess you claim. The mistakes, let's call them. Do you regret any of it?" He could not and would not tell her what was right or wrong. What was good or bad. He had to right to label her sins. Nor would he condemn her for them.

She was confused and yet relieved when he did not pull away from her like she expected.
He was patient as she confessed to him her wrongs, and the question that came...
She felt the tightening of her own chest as she nodded, "I regret all of it." She uttered, completely flattening her ears, taking a breath to try and steady herself further.

"I ruined everything I had..." Sov whimpered, shaking her head sharply in a brief motion, "Is it worthwhile...to try and go forward?" She asked of her friend, the look in her eyes telling of her current mental state.

She admitted she regretted her wrong doings. In Ensio's icy eyes, there was no judgement. He just nodded, stating simply. "We cannot change the past. Only learn from it." Then, she asked him a question that made his heart quiver. His expression twisted, growing somewhat pained. "I can tell you with all certainty, that it is. Think of your mother. Of the sacrifice she made. Would she wish this for you, to throw your future all away?"  The answer, he reasoned, should be obvious.

He was trying not to get emotional, but the pain was there on his face. Swallowing the hard lump in his throat, he moved to her side and motioned gently for her to lay with him on the ground. Studying her for a long, drawn out moment. A great breath was drawn in and let out slowly. His glacial eyes held her burning yellow ones fast.

"Sovereign...we are more alike than you realize. I know your pain." His pale toes curled and flexed. "I have known loss and betrayal. What it is like...to lose everything." He was not trying to compare himself to her. Only to turn the pages back, exposing his scarred over wounds of the past. "My parents are long gone. My father, struck down in his prime by a terrible accident. My mother...she...couldn't take it. I watched as she wilted away and then took her own life. My brother and sister...even my cousin....they all dispersed. I don't know if they are even still alive."

He grit his teeth then. "I had to endure the slow loss of my family while another stood in their place. With no rightful claim to what we had worked so hard to build. I struggled to trust them...questioned myself. Eventually, I gave in and dropped my guard. We abandoned my birthplace, my home land. Tried to start anew, and I followed. It worked out, for a little while. But it didn't feel...right. Then, my initial fears were solidified. The outsiders...the usurpers..." He could not contain the hatred in his voice now. His lip curled, tears beading at the corners of his eyes. "...they abandoned us! Everything they had made. Left us...me, without a word, without justification. I should have known never to trust them, I was so foolish."

"You and I, Sovereign, are not all that different. We are all that is left of our families. I trust no one. Not even the tawny woman by the lake. But you..." His tone and eyes softened. "...I promise you this. I will not abandon you. Never. We both have been through too much pain."

The girl watched his face as it twisted into pain, the words that flowed from his mouth- 

I can tell you with all certainty, that it is. Think of your mother. Of the sacrifice she made. Would she wish this for you, to throw your future all away?

Sov's gaze averted his for a long moment as she considered this.
Then, the gentle movement to her side, the gesture to lie with him in the grass.
She obliged him and did so, watching Ensio's face as he poured himself to her...

Sovereign...we are more alike than you realize. I know your pain...I have known loss and betrayal. What it is like...to lose everything.

The girl, silent, as he continued, listening to the hurt, hate, in his voice and seeing the emotion swelling at the edges of his gaze.

My parents are long gone. My father, struck down in his prime by a terrible accident. My mother...she...couldn't take it. I watched as she wilted away and then took her own life. My brother and sister...even my cousin....they all dispersed. I don't know if they are even still alive.

Sov nodded with understanding, uttering "I have three siblings, all of them, they...they somehow vanished while I was still small. I don't know where they are, if they're alive either." She shared, returning to silence as he continued: 

I had to endure the slow loss of my family while another stood in their place. With no rightful claim to what we had worked so hard to build. I struggled to trust them...questioned myself. Eventually, I gave in and dropped my guard. We abandoned my birthplace, my home land. Tried to start anew, and I followed. It worked out, for a little while. But it didn't feel...right. Then, my initial fears were solidified. The outsiders...the usurpers...they abandoned us! Everything they had made. Left us...me, without a word, without justification. I should have known never to trust them, I was so foolish.

"I don't think you were foolish..." She started, "I think you did the best you could with what you had." A genuine attempt to comfort him as he was trying to do for her now. 

You and I, Sovereign, are not all that different. We are all that is left of our families. I trust no one. Not even the tawny woman by the lake. But you...I promise you this. I will not abandon you. Never. We both have been through too much pain.

She knew he meant it, saw he meant it. 
So she had to be transparent with her intentions, for the sake of their budding friendship. 
"Ensio, I...I don't think I will stay with the tawny woman at the Lake..." Sov sighed, "I don't feel like I have a purpose, with her..." She began to explain, unsure how he would take this.
"I intend to travel some more, further, see if I find anywhere that I think will be a better fit..." She finally stated. 
"I will never turn away your presence, should you follow..."  The hesitance at the end, indicative of the uncertainty she had, if he wanted to stay with Zharille for now or not.

She listened. Had not judged. Understood him, even. For this he was grateful. Somehow he knew he could trust in opening up to his friend. She was the only one the lone Duskfire truly trusted these days. She broke the news that she would not be staying at the Lake. He nodded, tail tip flicking. "I can't say I blame you. I know how difficult it can be to find a place where you feel like you truly belong."

"Hers are a wild bunch. Perhaps too wild for us." They had not been raised to be feral savages. It was pointless in continuing to pretend to be something they were not. Sovereign would move on and search elsewhere. He rested the line of his jaw on her shoulder, in the way a close companion would. "I'm sorry. I just wanted you close. I will follow you...find you. I will stay a few more weeks. To wrap things up, to give her and her unborn children a good head start. It is the least I can do."

We can fade here if you'd like! <3

 

Sovereign was relieved he was not angry with her, dually so that he held no (visible) form of feelings of betrayal.
Instead, she listened as he apologized, spoke his intentions, then his plan. 

The yearling nodded, "I will keep my ears and eyes open for you, félagi" She responded softly, a confirmation and agreement to the plan he had. 
She would offer her own muzzle to his shoulder then, as he did for her, and would lay there with him until they were ready to return to the Lake.

translation of félagi: Old Norse for "comrade"