March 20, 2015, 05:13 PM
Thank you, Blue, for acting like a friend, but I don't think you understand... Osprey wanted to say, but did not. Couldn't, because she did not understand this herself. What were the other reasons, why the very thought of giving birth, raising her own brood, made her cringe. Was it only fear for their futures? Were they regrets for the lost freedom and independence? Unwillingness to have constantly fight for their rights? Defend those little souls from suffering that others might bring them? In the days to come she would dig deeper, she would find, what made her restless and unhappy.
Besides... people could point out to her friend's children and call them bastards all they wanted, but they had a loving father and pack to look after them. It wasn't like Blue had run off in the wilds, messed with a stranger (strangers?) and got home, gloating like a hero for a mission uncomplished. It had taken her a lot of inner-struggle to do this. There was nothing to be ashamed of. Not unlike Osprey, who had gone against every single rule. Maybe she would have found solace in a thought that she had wanted kids - if that had been her purpose. But it hadn't. For once she had let herself be and, look, where it had brought her.
She spoke of having a look at the face of her newborn kids, that it would do the magic, that it would change her mind, but she knew that it would not. That she would still be just as much afraid and scared as she was now. Not equipped to be a good mother or any kind of mother at all. She didn't want them and, if it was true, what they said about kids feeling instinctively your most carefully hidden thoughts, then how fair would it be for them to know that their own mom... Shit. She cursed, stopping the row of these thoughts.
"I appreciate that your loyalty," Osprey said in the end and got to her feet, unwilling to continue the conversation and find out, what more it would bring. It was not Blue willow's fault at all. "I... I will go now, have to consider things... I promise to drop by though, just in case," the last thing was a lie. Osprey knew she would not be able to face her friend any sooner than after she had come to terms with herself.
Besides... people could point out to her friend's children and call them bastards all they wanted, but they had a loving father and pack to look after them. It wasn't like Blue had run off in the wilds, messed with a stranger (strangers?) and got home, gloating like a hero for a mission uncomplished. It had taken her a lot of inner-struggle to do this. There was nothing to be ashamed of. Not unlike Osprey, who had gone against every single rule. Maybe she would have found solace in a thought that she had wanted kids - if that had been her purpose. But it hadn't. For once she had let herself be and, look, where it had brought her.
She spoke of having a look at the face of her newborn kids, that it would do the magic, that it would change her mind, but she knew that it would not. That she would still be just as much afraid and scared as she was now. Not equipped to be a good mother or any kind of mother at all. She didn't want them and, if it was true, what they said about kids feeling instinctively your most carefully hidden thoughts, then how fair would it be for them to know that their own mom... Shit. She cursed, stopping the row of these thoughts.
"I appreciate that your loyalty," Osprey said in the end and got to her feet, unwilling to continue the conversation and find out, what more it would bring. It was not Blue willow's fault at all. "I... I will go now, have to consider things... I promise to drop by though, just in case," the last thing was a lie. Osprey knew she would not be able to face her friend any sooner than after she had come to terms with herself.
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Messages In This Thread
Under the covers - by Osprey - March 07, 2015, 06:09 AM
RE: Under the covers - by Blue Willow - March 11, 2015, 10:33 AM
RE: Under the covers - by Osprey - March 11, 2015, 11:36 AM
RE: Under the covers - by Blue Willow - March 11, 2015, 11:44 AM
RE: Under the covers - by Osprey - March 11, 2015, 01:10 PM
RE: Under the covers - by Blue Willow - March 14, 2015, 08:31 AM
RE: Under the covers - by Osprey - March 15, 2015, 04:31 AM
RE: Under the covers - by Blue Willow - March 17, 2015, 12:06 PM
RE: Under the covers - by Osprey - March 17, 2015, 03:18 PM
RE: Under the covers - by Blue Willow - March 20, 2015, 09:02 AM
RE: Under the covers - by Osprey - March 20, 2015, 05:13 PM
RE: Under the covers - by Blue Willow - March 24, 2015, 07:43 AM
RE: Under the covers - by Osprey - March 24, 2015, 03:11 PM