Blacktail Deer Plateau pearls and swine bereft of me

In some ways, Atticus felt like he was talking to a wall, and it annoyed him. He felt like Peregrine was being overdramatic, suspected that perhaps his brother was intentionally guilt-tripping him. There were countless ways he could have taken it too far. Going into a rage and outright attacking Peregrine would have been taking it too far. Savagely screaming out his anger and hurt, in the middle of the pack meeting, at his brother's lack of consideration and foresight would have been taking it too far. Leaving the pack would have been taking it too far. But this…this had been taking it too far? Simply taking some time away from everyone to sort through his feelings?

As some of his previous anger came trickling back, he couldn't help the small growl that rumbled in his chest at his brother's words. That Peregrine could slap him with such a lame accusation for what Atticus had felt was the most civil course of action for him to take was simply infuriating. Ignoring Peregrine's question, he returned the level, cool gaze his brother gave him and commented, "Frankly speaking, bro, if you want to be Alpha, you're going to have to grow some harder balls, if me taking a week or two off to sort through shit 'left scars'." His voice wasn't harsh, but there was a definite chill to it. He didn't appreciate being treated like he'd been the one entirely in the wrong. He'd been an asshole, no doubt. He owned that. But it'd been handled badly on all sides, not just his. And Peregrine had said just the right combination of words to open the lock that had held all of Atticus's emotions dammed up inside.

"You know I'll always be honest and straight-up with you too. I told you I needed some time, now I'm telling you why. Some people can't just get over something like what we went through. Maybe that worked out for you, but for me, it still burns...like part of me's been torn out and the empty hole is bulging with infection. Tyr and I were tight, almost like you and I are…or were…I don't even frickin' know anymore, now that you're my boss." He fought to keep his voice level and calm, but couldn't help the subtle hint of accusation that slipped into that last word. "I can't imagine you chasing me down and beating the shit out of me until I leave my family and everything I've ever known…but not long ago, I'd have said the same thing about Tyr too. So talk to me about scars."

Stopping, he was horrified to realize that his eyes were blurred with hot tears. He closed them, refusing to allow them the freedom to course down his cheeks and hoping that Peregrine hadn't noticed. He hated this, hated being at odds with the brother he'd considered his closest and dearest friend, even if it hadn't necessarily been reciprocated. And thinking back on Tyrannus and home and Mom and everything that had transpired dredged up all kinds of unresolved issues and hurts. In the aftermath of his monologue, he felt diminished, weakened. Blinking his tears away and swallowing his tide of emotions back, he added in a small voice, "And I mean…there was Hawkeye, too. Dammit Perry, it was just too much."