So why am I ten feet under and upside down

FitzDutiful had been out searching for his mate, his equal, his alpha, all day. He had let it slide when she hadn't been around to help him decide who belonged where in the ranks and had howled them out by himself - he had hoped to do it together. He had thought that she would be with the pups but when he returned that evening they had been all alone, though thankfully Ryuu had looked after them.

It was a strange thing, for her to be gone. He had planned this months ago with Bindi, to run her out when the pups no longer needed her, and then had changed his mind. He had made her his equal, admitted his faults to her, and continued onwards. Maybe she couldn't deal with the fact that he had feelings (did have?) for Bindi. Despite the fact that he barely saw the woman any more she was still family and Raissa, he hoped, had accepted that.

But now she was gone, her scent had faded and he didn't even know how long ago it was that she had left. He couldn't distinctly recall the last time he had seen her be more than a ghost at the edge of his vision and his children couldn't be expected to know time like that yet.

The rain had soaked FitzDutiful through but he had been back before the storm and, now, the movement of his son caught his attention. He looked over before going to the young boy. The tricoloured patches on his son's fur looked so much like his mother's that the words caught in FitzDutiful throat and he had to swallow a few times. How did he tell Mason that his mother might never return, that this was one problem his father couldn't fix? They ideally still needed milk, or so FitzDutiful thought, but now there was no choice in the matter. They would have to survive on meat alone for that was all anyone could give them.

"I don't know, Mason." he said, gently, wondering how much the little prince would understand of this dilemma. "I'm sure she'll come back when she can." If she wants to. "You'll be okay though," he tried to reassure his favourite son. "You've got me and Ryuu and Chaska and Bindi." At least he hoped they had Bindi, she had told him once upon a time that she would be like a mother to them - had he ruined that too?