Silver Creek And when white moths were on the wing

As Spring agreed to tell her some of what happened, Saena gingerly seated herself. Her stomach was still twisted into knots and she still felt queasy, but now it wasn't due to nervousness. It was due to worry and doubt. She resolved to believe for the time being that Laika and Casmir would succeed, but if they did not, or if they didn't return, then she would go herself. She wouldn't leave her babies in the hands of their neglectful father. While they might despise her for leaving them, Reek was still worse.

She tried to keep a hold on her emotions as Spring explained what had happened, but she just as quickly lost control of them. "I what?" she breathed in a voice pregnant with disbelief. Leaving wasn't an uncommon thing for Saena. She was a scout, after all. But leaving and then coming back a totally different wolf was unusual for anyone, especially Saena, and demanding those types of titles was never the kind of leader she was. She wasn't the best leader, but she was a better one than that. "Wow, I'm sorry," she said with a frown, "I don't remember that, or leaving at all. I remember being with a pack somewhere else and not knowing really who I was or where I came from, and I stayed with them for a while because I thought that's where I belonged, but then I started... remembering things from here, and I knew I had to come back.

But there's still stuff missing," she finished, and her frown deepened. She was acutely aware of the blank holes in her memory, but it was a strange feeling, like knowing something fit there but also unable to fathom what it might be. As such, it felt like a memory that never happened, and so sometimes, she wasn't sure if she was even forgetting anything at all. "My head's still a bit scrambled up but I remembered my girls, and home. I'm so sorry I let you all down, and that I wasn't here for them, or for you."

She was just about to wrap up their meeting and take her leave to fret by herself about the fate of her kids on the fringes of the pack's territory—having created them, she knew the rules well for those who sought the trust of the Creek pack, and didn't make any assumptions about being allowed back on status alone—when Spring made her an offer that she could neither accept nor refuse. To take back her legacy and her throne was something Saena was too weak a wolf to refuse even if it was for the best, and yet she was in no position to make promises of her own. "I..." she said, hesitated, then shook her head lightly. "Right now I just want to focus on seeing my babies returned and earning back the trust of everyone I let down and fixing what problems I caused," she said softly. As much as she wanted to lead her pack again, she was wise enough now to know that jumping the gun on it would be bad for everyone.

"Maybe we could revisit the idea in the future, when... when things have settled down?" There was too much to do and too many things that could change in a month for Saena to say yes or no right now, and she hoped Spring understood.