Grouse Thicket thou bleeding piece of earth

i wrote a novel for you guys :P lol

Contrary to what Shalon thought, she was not ignored, not in the slightest. Ever since Nico had regained consciousness, he'd kept an eye out on her, quietly observing her reactions and the emotions that flickered, however briefly, over her face and despite not knowing her long, he felt his heart clench in sympathy. Everything she'd done since he had waken was a clue of sorts, even though she had said next to nothing. He connected the dots and realised the fatal mistake he'd made, now staring in his face. With a start, Nico realised that he had been the kind of boy that he'd promised himself never to be, and a sickening feeling descended into his stomach.

None of that showed on his features, however. Instead, he'd opened his eyes and watched both Aeronwyn and Shalon's reactions to his words. Aero refused to meet his eyes as she absorbed the information he'd just fed her. He waited in tired silence as the silver fae lifted her eyes to his own and quietly asked the question he'd been expected. She did not appear to judge him, or appear angry, yet, and for that, he was thankful. Nevertheless, he was worried that when she found out, she would leave him for his weaknesses and so he sucked in a breath, a pained look crossing his face.

Slowly, Nico's green eyes wandered to Shalon and his ever keen gaze noticed with idle curiousity that she bore eyes of silver, much like Aeronwyn. However, he also noticed that her eyes appeared to glimmer with something else, and when he guessed what it was, his throat constricted and he bowed his head, his chest clenching around his heart uncomfortably as he realised the true extent of the pain he'd caused for those he cared so much about. 

Through his peripheral vision, he saw Shalon take a step towards him and finding his courage, he met her gaze, his eyes cool and calm but showing the care he felt towards her and he swallowed thickly, offering her a small smile. "Stay," he told her quietly, knowing that she must think herself an outsider and he was unwilling to make her more uncomfortable than she already was. Then, Nico turned his attention back to Aero, giving her a reassuring glance and the same smile he'd offered Shalon before heaving a soft sigh and pulling himself into a sitting position, his breathing coming out in gasps for a second or two.

Blinking, he regained control over his body and began his story. "I'm going to tell you a story and it will explain what just happened with me. I am a soldier," Nico stated, matter-of-factly, "it is a life of pain and sorrow, loss and grief, bloodshed and war. It is not a life suited for everyone, but I volunteered, and in it, I found....how should I explain this...I found wolves with similar purposes and a similar way of thinking. It was home, something I hadn't ever had and known, and for a while, despite the wars and battles we fought, I was happy. I knew that death was inevitable in my line of work, and though when it happened, it struck us all hard, we got over it eventually. Otherwise, we would never have volunteer in first place."

Nico took a deep breath, his gaze wandering from Aero to Shalon and back again, the green depths of his eyes lost in whirpools of pain and grief as the memories he'd suppressed slowly came back. "And then...there was this one battle where all of us...all of us in my regiment went out and fought. We were outnumbered and slaughtered, one by one. However, when one of the commanders from the opposite army realised that I was one of the high ranks, holding valuable information, he took me, and my blood brother in for interrogation," it was here that he took yet another deep breath, his heartbeat growing in speed as he recounted the story, the memories associated with it flitting through his mind rapidly.

"We were..tortured, extensively. Not only physically, but mentally as well but we didn't say anything. Our captors soon decided that since I was the one holding the valuable information, my friend was expendable. They told me that if I didn't tell, they would kill my him. He...he told me not to say anything, that he would rather die than be labelled a traitor and that I was more than that too....and I followed through with his wishes. That day, they killed him slowly and painfully, making me watch as he died in front of my eyes. To this day, I can still see the agony reflected in his gaze..." he trailed off and smiled bitterly. "The next day, I got rescued by a team of soldiers and taken back to my pack. I was given time off and promoted, as well as offered a reward of sorts for my bravery and resolve. If I stayed, I would've led a good life, I suppose, but it held too many bad memories and I left as soon as I could."

His eyes held a faraway glint in them as he remembered when they first started. "Then the nightmares started. I was a loner then, and always alone. The nightmares got worse and worse..until one day I woke up and saw a dead body in front of me. It appeared that I'd caused it, but I remembered nothing and I knew nothing of what had happened. Since then, I would forget bits and pieces and wake up not knowing where I was or what I'd done. I soon realised that when I 'forgot' or woke up some place else, I...how do I explain this..? When that happens...I'm another person, and that person, who goes by the name of Sargent," Nico's face twisted in disgust at that and unconsciously, his ears began to flatten against his skull, "that person is an arsehole. He...I don't even know how he's like since he's sort of in me and whenever he awakes, I'm not there and I know nothing of what he's doing or what he will do and I can't do anything about it. Sargent cannot be allowed to live. He kills and he's...nasty and he's very dangerous...because he's so desperately broken."

He searched their faces quickly for a hint of disgust or fear and felt himself swallowing thickly, unsure of why he was telling them things that could potentially rid him homeless. But Nico trusted them, both of them, enough to explain what was happening, even though he might have to ask them to kill him after this. "I met with an old friend of mine. A counselor, a therapist, if you will. He told me that Sargent is a manifestation of the guilt and anger I felt over my friend's death and until I can fully come to terms with it and forgive myself, or until I have 'acceptance' or....fall in love," he said with a straight face, "or whatever. Unless I do that, Sargent will always be lurking somewhere inside me. The last time when he arrived, I got rid of him by almost drowning. Apparently, the other guy has a fear for water and well, for some reason, he started surfacing more and more frequently in the last few days and if I let him out, he will slaughter and kill and I can't do that..I can't let him do that. I'll rather die and there's nothing I can do about it." Nico finished bitterly, eyeing the water with darkened eyes. 

"So, you see, I didn't do it on purpose....." his gaze flickered to Aero and he smiled a saddened smile, his eyes glimmering briefly with unshed tears before he blinked them away and sighed. "Aero," the nickname rolled off his tongue in a lilting accent. "I'll understand if you do not wish to associate yourself with me anymore," he told her, an understanding, yet still sad smile gracing his lips, "but I want you to know that I care for you very much, and to promise me that if you ever see me as Sargent, to kill me." he said to the silver fae before turning his attention to Shalon whom he regarded just as sadly, if not more. 

"Shalon," he murmured, "I'm truly sorry," he said. He cared for her very much as a friend, and a part of him was so selfish that he refused to tell her that yet, just in case Aero hated him. Because if Aero hated him, he would at least know that there was always Shalon to rely on. The moment that thought crossed his mind, he felt terrible and selfish and knew that Shalon deserved nothing less than a man's utmost devotion and he couldn't do that...not just yet. "I'm sorry...for everything," he apologised, as if he was already ready to die and was saying his last words. "Forgive me," Nico smiled, his eyes saying everything he couldn't say himself. Forgive me for the pain and sadness I have inflicted on you and will inflict on you. Forgive me for my playboy tendecie and for flirting when I knew what would eventually happen. Forgive me for leading you on. Forgive me, because I know how you feel and I can't return your feelings just yet. Give me time, and maybe, but until she lets me go...I hope she never lets me go.

But no one could read the words in his eyes and so, for all Shalon knew, Nico could simply be apologising for almost dying. Shalon could take his words the wrong way (preferably that. for drama purposes xD) and think that because of the hint of hopefulness in Nico's apple green gaze, that he was hoping for her to give him a second chance. He let her interpret his words and the brief twinkle in his eyes her own way and moved on to a more important subject at hand.

"Promise me, both of you, to keep this a secret and to kill me if he ever comes out. Please," Nico's eyes wandered from Aero's face to Shalon and he smiled sadly, bowing his head, a look of complete defeat gracing his face for the first time in a long time. And then, after a moment of silence, he spoke. "Personally, I don't think he'll be coming back anytime soon," he added, almost as an afterthought, the corner of his lip quirking upwards in a thoughtful smirk, although his brows were still furrowed from the rapidly decreasing amount of negativity he felt.