Bearclaw Valley Monster,how should I feel?

@Onyx perhaps?One last thread before major plot stuff?

He'd ran away like he always did, leaving his daughter on the ground bleeding and seething hatred. The stench of her blood choked him as he ran, throat tight and lungs heaving with the pain from the encounter. He hurt. More than he had when Olive had shunned him for unseen deities, made him aware that his love wasn't enough for her, that everything he had been through meant nothing to her. It hurt more than when he'd had to leave a seriously ill Sirius behind in teaghlaigh. The knowledge that his children placed all the blame upon his shoulders and held their mother to high esteem had crushed him. 


As he ran through the opening to the valley he paused, finding a patch of snow and rolling in it. He rolled and thrashed around until every trace of every scent was washed from his body leaving him soaked and crusted with melting white particles. Then he stood up and stared down at the pink hued ground with blank eyes. He felt so much hatred, for blackfeather,for Cassiopeia and Aries, for Olive, but mostly for himself. For being the same monster that every Svartell man eventually made themselves into. He didn't regret Olive, no...he regretted making choices that altered his life so that in turn it had caused her enough pain to turn him away. While everything was Ultimately his fault, it didn't excuse the deeds of others. Olive had abandoned him,turned him away and then given him false hope on that one night, only to snap at him and deny his love. Olive had allowed Cassiopeia to grow up holding the belief he'd abandoned them without ever speaking of what she'd done.

Now what had he to live for? If he did as he had promised and ended Lonzo, would that really be enough for him and Onyx to be together? Would he really be able to simply start anew and move on with a new period of his life? His anger had simmered down and left him with an empty hollow feeling, yet he stood up and went toward the dens, searching for Onyx.