Bearclaw Valley Monster,how should I feel?

And in his search he came upon her yet even as he paused at her question he couldn't bring himself to look at her. Paranoid that he still reeked of cassiopeia's blood he gave himself a quick sniff check, relieved to find nothing but the stench of wetness upon his fur. He opened his mouth to reply, blue eyes usually filled with warmth seeming icy in their hollow stare. "She let them believe I abandoned them. That I'm a coward. They hate me....I'm no longer their father" was all he could bring himself to say, yet as he looked at Onyx it was as if he was elsewhere in his mind.

Would she end up hating him in the end? Would he do something yet again to ruin his own life and drag others down with him? Perhaps he would be better leaving now and hunting the dangerous man named Lonzo himself and once he found Lonzo and rid the world of him, he could simply vanish as well. Then he'd have fulfilled his promise to Onyx and made her safe, plus he wouldn't bring his own tainted blood upon her. As he began to think those thoughts he slowly came back to reality and really looked at her. Onyx....such a broken and troubled woman who still took the time to be concerned for a monster such as himself. He loved her so....but perhaps Cassiopeia was right in a way. Was he just using Onyx to make his own life better, to prove to himself only that he wasn't a bad man? The thought brought immediate disgust and he shook it from his mind. He was with Onyx because he cared for her and truly wanted to make her safe and be beside her. Screw cassiopeia's cruel words. Screw whatever Olive had taught her to believe of him. Screw them all. "I happened upon my daughter. Apparently Olive let her believe I abandoned her and was cowardly. Didn't tell her the full story. Put all the blame on me. Some harsh words were said and she smelled you on me. Called you a bitch. Then attacked me. I put her down, opened a wound, and said that i was no longer her father because I chose not to be." he spoke in a brisk and seemingly cold way, trying to cover his pain in a manner very unlike himself yet it was written all over his face plain as day. 


He swiped his tongue over his lips and was revolted to taste the girl's blood upon his lips. He squinted his eyes shut as a tremor shook him "The hatred she had for me....she attacked as if she wanted me dead....what did Olive tell her, what was she lead to believe of me? It was...it was like she heard nothing of anything I ever did right." and there it was, a few cracks in his voice before the tears began to flow and he broke before Onyx, the strong man who was to provide safety now crumbling into a mess of shattered pieces.