Ankyra Sound oh wow, you look like the fourth of july

Artaax knew it wasn’t his fault, in a purely logical sense. He was not the one who had driven Wildfire away or made her join the Redhawks. He had not made the decision she should stay there. He had made his arguments and she had chosen to be a stupid fool and make the stupid fool choice. It was not on him that others decided to be less intelligent than he and choose lives of less honor, of disloyalty and doom. He could only control himself, his actions, his choices.

But that was logic, and while he could go far with it, he couldn’t always shut up that pesky, senseless heart of his that in this instance wanted him to feel like a failure. It wanted him to think that it had been up to him. That if he’d made his argument better, or if he’d simply been more worthy of his mother’s love, then he would’ve been able to reunite his family, and no one would have to feel broken. It was his heart that kept his head hanging even as nomi offered comfort and love. It was his heart that told logic not to listen to her, that her touch was just an arrow to his chest, not a bandage on his wounds.

”I want to hate her,” he said quietly, ”But I can’t. I told her she is nothing to me, but she isn’t.” Artaax paused, the words teetering in the tip of his tongue before his heart, reckless piece of shit it was, shoved them right off, ”I don’t want her hurt.”