Greatwater Lake trying to fit beneath the skin

scarab offers maegi a small nod as she speaks about her past experience that, prior, she's mentioned briefly. she tells him that it took her a long time to go home. scarab breaks eye contact with his distorted reflection to look at her then, bejeweled gaze taking in her face thoughtfully. though he knows pretty solidly his reasons for not wanting to leave maegi and blackfeather woods even if his family proved to be alive ...he wonders if he, too, might fear the change. their change and his own. it was no secret that there were parts of scarab that had died, parts he shed like a snakeskin in his fight of survival but he doesn't feel pressure to act like he hasn't done horrible things that he should be ashamed of but isn't to survive with the blackfeather wolves.

granted, he hasn't told anyone about it ...but still. her words of encouragement cause his emotions to swell within his chest and form a lump in his throat that feels a bit constricting. maegi... he begins, swallowing thickly. if ...if i tell you i did horrible things to survive before you found me. ...would — would that change how you think of me? he asks in a choking whisper. he supposes now might be the best time to air out his own secrets before they burn him alive. she's shared with him, taken him in ...she, out of anyone, deserves to know the truth.

he takes a deep, shaky breath. when i washed up on the coast it was destroyed. there was nothing and i was in no state to hunt anyway. i washed up near these wolf corpses and i — monster, the voice of legion hisses at him. i ate from one. i ate from one and i felt no remorse. no shame. i still don't. i'd do it again if i had to. i didn't tell anyone because i'm afraid — of the truth. of what you and the others would think of me...but you deserve to know. to know who and what i am. it gives her time to change her mind about him, he thinks, to drop him at rusalka like a hot potato. this truth was something he owes her, at the very least.

nanowrimo: 385