December 04, 2019, 05:20 PM
The panic and self loathing felt like acid in his stomach - it left a bitter, numbing taste on his tongue. He screwed his eyes shut tight, his jaws clamped like a vice against any more outburst - any sound. He was failing. The sobs and growls slipped between his teeth as if they were made from nothing - lighter than air. He could not stop the tears, though he did not try as hard with them. The effort of restrain shook his body violently. He knew he would scream again...though he did not want to. Even lost in anguish and anger and shame, Markus did not want attention or to burden. Especially not when he'd already fucked up so royally. Not when he -
"Markus? What's up?"
Hot, ugly panic dropped into his gut like a stone. The world froze, the sound in his ears became a deafening roar of static as his eyes shot open and he stared, unseeing, at the ground. He saw spots at the very corner of his vision - his body threw itself into fight or flight...and then went nowhere, did nothing. Not him, not him, NOT HIM. It was a mantra, like a prayer, but it went unanswered. He released a breath he didn't know he was holding and he turned slowly to look at Mal, pupils dialated with fear, fur caked with the saliva of that bitch alpha, his hackles on end, his breathing ragged.
He was so pretty to Markus. Markus hated himself. Why did these thoughts come so unbidden and honest now, of all times? No - why did they come at all? Mal had never given him so much as a double glance, what was wrong with him? It was all too much. Suddenly, shaking began again and Markus took a heavy, pitiful step toward Mal. His whole body slumped as if weighted and the fear was replaced like whiplash with agony and shame, instead.
"I'm s-sorry." He cried, ears pinned flat against his head. And he was sorry - for oh, so much. "I don't mean to and I - I...I didn't mean to lose the-the-" he swallowed, an odd strangled noise in his throat "rab-bit. They too-took it...I couldn't...I tried..." he made no sense and his words came out between hiccuping breathes like dry sobbing - though tears still streamed down his face.
"Markus? What's up?"
Hot, ugly panic dropped into his gut like a stone. The world froze, the sound in his ears became a deafening roar of static as his eyes shot open and he stared, unseeing, at the ground. He saw spots at the very corner of his vision - his body threw itself into fight or flight...and then went nowhere, did nothing. Not him, not him, NOT HIM. It was a mantra, like a prayer, but it went unanswered. He released a breath he didn't know he was holding and he turned slowly to look at Mal, pupils dialated with fear, fur caked with the saliva of that bitch alpha, his hackles on end, his breathing ragged.
He was so pretty to Markus. Markus hated himself. Why did these thoughts come so unbidden and honest now, of all times? No - why did they come at all? Mal had never given him so much as a double glance, what was wrong with him? It was all too much. Suddenly, shaking began again and Markus took a heavy, pitiful step toward Mal. His whole body slumped as if weighted and the fear was replaced like whiplash with agony and shame, instead.
"I'm s-sorry." He cried, ears pinned flat against his head. And he was sorry - for oh, so much. "I don't mean to and I - I...I didn't mean to lose the-the-" he swallowed, an odd strangled noise in his throat "rab-bit. They too-took it...I couldn't...I tried..." he made no sense and his words came out between hiccuping breathes like dry sobbing - though tears still streamed down his face.
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Messages In This Thread
gentleman prefer blondes but i'm not classically trained - by Markus - November 24, 2019, 10:30 PM
RE: gentleman prefer blondes but i'm not classically trained - by Mal - December 03, 2019, 01:13 AM
RE: gentleman prefer blondes but i'm not classically trained - by Markus - December 04, 2019, 05:20 PM
RE: gentleman prefer blondes but i'm not classically trained - by Mal - December 29, 2019, 10:01 PM