Grouse Thicket all we know

@Aeronwyn backdated about three/four weeks ago. set after this thread :) mild pp, will edit if you mind.

There was an uncertainty in his movements, though he did his best to conceal it. It was, however, still evident, from the way his usually bright green eyes were shadowed and darkened, guarded and wary; from the way in which his muscles remained tense, and his body stiff and unmoving, and the way the corner of his eyes creased. And as Nico moved away from the wate, he felt oddly disconnected, as if Sargent had taken something with him when he vanished back to his corner of the mind, vowing to come back. Nico could feel him; the barriers were broken, and Sargent could come back whenever he wanted, or whenever Nico was weakend, or whenever his mind decided to play a cruel trick on him.

And Nico was scared, so scared of what Aeronwyn would think of him now that she knew what he really was. He cared little for anything else: the Court could disapprove all they wanted, and he still wouldn't give two damns about what they thought, but one word from the silver fae and he wanted to pull Sargent back in so he could take control, and Nico could avoid this inevitable confrontation like the coward he was. But he knew that it was impossible, and besides, perhaps, just maybe, Aero wouldn't hate him for being him, maybe she wouldn't feel revulsion and disgust whenever she saw the broken object that was him.

"I'm sorry," was the first thing he told her when he lifted his head his head and turned his gaze away from his reflection. 

Nicolas was scared, but it didn't show. It never showed.

Of all the things that could have fallen from his mouth then, an apology surprised her. She ought to feel something, she realized off handedly. Not this numbness that prevailed. But she could not, the hundreds of emotions that had torn through her faded to nothing. Nico was not the image he presented. Neither was she. He was broken, and the hints oF a future she had imagined, idiotic fantasies dreamed up before, we're tarnished.

Once, she had prided herself on her merciless nature. The flame that was her rage, the brutal weapons that were her fangs and claws and those that few beneath them. She would have left him now. And yet, that past version of herself would never have gotten involved in this mess in the first place. 

Something had bonded them for a while, something she treasured. Trust. Yet how could she, in all her own faults and secrets, feel anger at him for not revealing this earlier. She surveyed him, the coldness falling from her gaze and her stance relaxing. She was tired, tired of her own facade, and it seemed so imprudent to hold it now while Nico had just revealed perhaps his greatest weakness, fault and shame all at once. 

She remembered what he had done for her once, and words eluded her. She slipped forward, slowly cautiously resting her muzzle upon his forehead as she searched for words. Simply offering her presence as he recovered from what she could not conprehend. Her gaze revealed little, and her expression with flat as she searched for an emotion to feel.

She did not speak, and as he turned, forcing himself to meet her cool silver gaze, he felt his chest constrict tightly around the ache in his heart. Nicolas swallowed thickly, unsure of what to do next. Usually, after such a display, the woman would reject him and kick him away, unwilling to live and love someone as broken as himself, and he accepted that; he understood. In the wild, only the strongest survived, and Nico was anything but strong, so, why would anyone stick with him? It was the truth, however bitter it was, and the deWinter had long accepted it. So, he stood there and waited for her to say those biting words and kick him away.

She didn't say those words, but neither did she say anything, and while a flicker of hope returned, the soldier squashed it and simply kept his gaze on her, quietly expecting something, anything. Nico watched as she relaxed, and the iciness fell from her gaze. She did not speak, but walked forward, and as fear gripped him, he tensed and stiffened, ready to flee at a moment's notice. But Aeronwyn did not attack him, rather, she rested her muzzle on his forehead and after a moment, he too, relaxed into her hold. 

"I'm sorry," he muttered, hatred seeping into his voice - hatred for himself, for his broken nature. "I..I understand if you don't want to stay with me anymore," Nico forced the words out, choking down the pain that threatened to overwhelm him. "I-I get it." he breathed softly, "No one wants to be with a broken wolf."

He relaxed against her touch after a moment, his tension and swirling emotions almost tangible. He apologized again, voice twisted with an anger she knew was not directed at her. Gradually emotion returned as he spoke, and when his words fell prey to silence did she pause a moment before speaking. "And yet, I seem to have fallen for one." she mused softly, pulling back and eyeing him with something like resignation. She sat, tired and damp and emotionally drained, and stared at the male before her almost thoughtfully,  thought this moment was far from casual.

Broken. This he claimed to be, and this he very well was. But he wasn't a stranger, he was someone she trusted and considered one of the rare few she liked. Malice, Shink, had been some of the others; and yet she found herself caring for him the same way. Perhaps differently, yet she cared for him, and she cared for few. She would not scorn him.

"My offer for a home still stands. I will vouch for you, Nico." she informed him with none of the ice of her usual tone. Now was not the time to speak of feeling and other such confusing things. In her mind, it was perfectly clear what she would do. Perhaps, when she was more able in terms of mind and of body, they could speak in greater depth. He was in pain, humiliated and fearful and angry, and she was exhausted and numb and drained. Now was not the time for conversations of great importance. Emotion was hard to muster right about now.

Finally, she spoke and he tensed up, steadying himself for the inevitable words of disgust, hatred, pity. But, they never came. Instead, out of Aeronwyn's maw came words he'd never thought was possible, and immediately, he withdrew from her embrace just to look at her in the eye. His green ones were narrowed, yet twinkling with a strange emotion that one could not simply identify. Nico tilted his head, exhaled softly and narrowed his eyes, searching her face for anything that would tell him that this was nothing but a cruel joke, that she hadn't meant her words. Because really, who would fall for someone like him. Someone so....broken, someone who hid behind a mask of strength, but was simply a rubble of broken stones inside.

But there was no deceit, nor cruelty in the silver fae's countenance, and so, with a look of wonder, he relaxed, posture slumping, eyes dropping. Still, he didn't have a home anymore. He was too much a coward to return to Royal Fire Court, that much he knew, and though he was thoroughly ashamed of it, a part of him no longer cared. That place of happiness had given him a chance to look into the lives of those who chose to live in peace, and love, and light, and happiness, and it made him realise that someone like him would never belong. Nicolas had enjoyed that place, that home, when he had it, but he didn't regret leaving it. Though he did, in a way, regret not saying goodbye. 

Perhaps, one day, when he was no longer as broken, when he'd come to terms with himself, when he was no longer a coward. Maybe, just maybe, he would go back and apologise, to be the wolf he promised himself he would be, but had inevitably failed.

Now, Nico knew it was time to wander as a loner once more, and just as he was about to open his maw, she spoke and he raised his eyebrows, eyeing her curiously. "You still want me there?" he asked, his tone incredulous, his smile sardonic - not at her, but at himself. After all, who would want him there? "You know what I am, what I can be, but, you still want me in your home? You...still want me there?" his voice was hesitant; he wanted to believe, he wanted to hope, yet, he so desperately couldn't because he'd been let down so many times before that he no longer wanted to break himself anymore.

Because, then, there would be too much broken glass on the floor that blood would eventually spill from those who decided to step on it. And Nicolas deWinter wasn't sure he wanted that.

"You're sure?" his eyes glinted, "you deserve someone better, Aero." There was an underlying bitterness, but he couldn't care less. He was a broken monster, and while she might've been something similar before, she no longer was, and he still stood here, ill and dangerous. Nicolas, despite being infamously selfish when it came to those he cared about, knew he could not endanger her by being around.

He searched her face as if expecting deceit.  but who would she be, we're she someone to taunt him cruelly now? she would be as shallow, crude as that idiot Shalon, or perhaps even worst. but no longer was she the monster she had been months ago. perhaps it was her past, her mistakes, that allowed her to perhaps understand Nico in some way. or perhaps she was growing a soft fool.

when he spoke, she listened without interuption, yet answered without hesitation as he finished. her words were erode down to pure sincerity by exhaustion, and when she spoke she did so without pausing to evaluate her words as she might have done once. "yes, Nico. I do. for you are more then Sargent,  more then your faults. you are Nico, and I care for you. all of you. and though it may be rash and foolish of me, it is how I feel." she stated firmly, a spark returning a moment to her tired gaze.

"I am sure. I promised you a home should you seek it, and I will not toss away those words." his next words caught her off guard a moment. she deserved someone better? how had he come to that absurd conclusion? "No." she answered simply, firmly. "It is not a question of who we deserve. that's absurd. I care for you , Nico. And I will be damned should I leave you to wander these lands alone." she told him with somewhat of an angry vigor. her eyes blazed a moment longer, before fading as she calmed again, realizing her anger foolish. Broken.  a monster.  these things he thought of himself. experiment. stupid bitch. Nico was Nico, and hope remained that he could banish Sargent. For she would never kill him, she swore to herself, and such a promise she would not break.

She spoke, and he could tell almost immediately that she was completely and utterly sincere. She said that she did want him there, that she cared for him, and although it may be rash and foolish, it was how she felt. Nico swallowed thickly and looked away, unsure of how to react. To be honest, he had never expected to settle down, he found the idea that someone would care for him - the broken and vulnerable version - was absurd, because in this world, only the strong survived, and he was sure he made it pretty clear that he was not the wolf he told the world he was. Nicolas deWinter was not strong, in fact, he was the complete opposite: he was weak and broken, defeated and subdued, beaten by the boulders that life threw at him.

In a way, he was ready to give up. He liked Aeronwyn, but like the others before her, he did not believe she would stick around when she saw who he was. Yet, she proved him wrong, and now, he didn't know what to do. So, the soldier remained silent, and simply listened to the rest of her words. Nicolas felt a numbing feeling of surprise at the strength of her emotion, and the fire that blazed in those cool silver orbs, but still, he said nothing, eyes carefully averted once more as he considered his options.

Because Nicolas was tired; he was exhausted from running from his past, from his alter ego that threatened to overrule his dominance within their mind and body, and one day, he feared that Sargent would take over, because Nico no longer had the willpower to fight back. Perhaps, the easier way was to just get it over with; to suicide, end his life, kill himself. It was the quickest, easiest, and most painless way out, but it was also the most selfish way out and as he looked back into Aeronwyn's eyes, he realised that he couldn't do it to her.

And so the soldier heaved a quiet breath and blinked. "Okay," he said softly, straightening himself up and squaring his shoulders. The movement seemed almost automatic nowadays, drilled into his mind by his drill sergeants and command officers, and it felt familiar, easy, a place he could just almost call home. But it wasn't home, it could never be home, not anymore, and a bitter feeling found its way to his tongue. Not for the first time, Nico wondered if he would ever find a place where he belonged once again. The idea that he would belong seemed so surreal that if it wasn't for Aeronwyn being so serious, he was pretty sure he would've laughed himself to hysterics at the idea that he could have a home.

But she was there, and so he calmed himself down, shook his coat so it was ruffled in more of a bad boy wanderer look than one that gave others the impression of 'i have a mental disorder and suicidal tendecies'. Nico looked at Aeronwyn then, and offered her a familiar lopsided smile, green eyes still guarded, but held within them, just the tiniest hint of the spark that they used to hold. "Take me home?"

his gaze was averted as she finished, and she could not see the emotion, if any that flickered there. she could not read the expression the lingered in his guarded optics, yet she was silent, waiting. when he blinked, squared his shoulders, then she allowed herself the ghost of a smile, at his simple, one worded reply saying nothing. 

he composed himself further, shaking out his pelt and she mirrored him, after a moment. when he spoke, her gaze fell open him, small smile slipping on her maw as she beheld his familiar smile and the glint of a spark in his eye. his question was one easily answered, as she beckoned for him to follow and uttered an affirmative, thought nervousness twisted in her gut, she ignored it. "Of course" Burke would have to allow Nico into their ranks; musn't he? He was a proven warrior, an able body for the winter. All points she could make as she vouched for him.

Not quite leading, but remaining close and guiding him, she would offer words should he choose to speak, silent company should he choose not to. They were but a short distance from Arthendal, and when the rush of it's familiar river became louder, and the treline broke to allow view of her Isle home, did she slow, stopping at the river's edge. Beyond them, the trees glew in feiry shades, wind pushing past them and allowing a tumble of leaves to fall in dizying fashing through the air, many being caught on the river and carried away on it's current. Distant peeks were visible beyond the trees, and she turned to Nico, uttering softly, "This is it." With a smile in his direction, eyes reflecting the feiry shades of fall, she tilted back her muzzle and called for @Burke and @Malice, awaiting their arrival with a mixture of eagerness, and still the oddest nervousness that twisted like a serpant in her stomach.

Short because studying is killing me <3

She did not know what to expect from the sudden call of her friend. It was a summoning howl, so much was obvious, but why she was calling was lost to the Lady. She got up nonetheless, nudging Burke if he was near and went on her way to the river. Arriving their, her tail gracefully flipping over her back in a display of not-so-subtle dominance she watched the pair on the other side. It was a male she had brought along - strong, tall and she had to say, somewhat handsome. She squinted. Had she found a new recruit?

Malice threw herself in the river, padding to the other side without a care in the world. She trusted Aeronwyn to keep the male in check if the two had known each other longer. She pulled her body from the stream, turning to the two without an expression - only a curious twinkle inside her pale yellow eyes, one scarred for life. Who is this? She asked, not sure to address her friend or the man himself.

Burke moved with Malice when he nudged her. He had been sleeping and actually hadn't heard the howl. The male groaned lightly as he got up, not because he didn't want to but because he was starting to make those sounds when he needed to use his energy more. The male went into the river after Malice but was not as trusting as she was.

The grey tank of the male saw the young male. He was suspicious yet at the same time glad, because they did needed new recruits. The male kept his gaze on him while his mate asked who this was. He never heard Aero talk about a male so he didn't think he was of any significance to her.

He returned her smile easily even though it no longer felt like it was his smile; he felt as if Sargent had tainted him, made him into someone he was not, someone he no longer wished to be. Nico didn't voice his concerns, however, instead he padded beside his silver companion, lost in his thoughts. He did not speak, but felt that their silence was comfortable, rather than awkward. Besides, he was sure she would understand his need for alone time with his own thoughts, even though he knew for a fact that it would do nothing to help, and that by thinking, he was simply digging himself deeper into his own hole. 

The sounds of a river grew louder, and as the emerged from the treeline, he caught a glimpse of Aeronwyn's home. Unknowingly, the soldier swallowed thickly, feeling an unfamiliar twist of nervousness in his gut as he surveyed what would soon be, his new home, that is, if he got accepted. It seemed like a calm place, but he began having his doubts when Aero smiled at him and told him that they had arrived. He didn't want to ruin another relationship, but he also didn't want to corrupt what seemed to be a nice pack. Still, even as a cold, foreboding chill ran down his spine and his stomach did backflips, he returned her smile and waited as she tilted her muzzle in the air and howled for her leaders.

Distantly, Nico saw a shadowy form emerge from the other side. He felt his heartbeat quicken, and immediately, he told himself to take deep breaths and forced himself to calm down. It wasn't like he was meeting her parents, he reasoned to himself, and winter was coming, they had no reason not to take him in. He was fit, and he wasn't going to leave anytime soon. And obviously, he did not have any weird mental disorders that could potentially compromise the safety of their pack. No, no, Nico wasn't that kind of wolf.

He realised then that maybe, not all of his nervousness was associated with his disorder. A part of it was because he was afraid to disappoint Aeronwyn and her leaders, and he was terrified that he would be unable to get in, thus ruining his only chance at having a relationship with her. In fact, in a way, it did feel like he was meeting her parents, because he needed their approval, desperately. Obviously, Nicolas didn't let that show. Instead, he smiled softly as the she-wolf addressed them and lowered himself into a submissive position, his gaze averted and his posture showing respectful deference to the two leaders that had arrived.

"My name is Nicolas, but everyone calls me Nico," he said in his lilting accent. "I'm a....." he paused, unsure of how to address their relationship, before mentally shrugging. "I'm a friend of Aeronwyn," he continued, and though his voice was soft, it held an underlying layer of quiet confidence, "and I'm wish to join your pack."

First arrived Malice, who pu her thought into words and asked of Nico. She glanced at ther friend with a small smile a moment, but the arival of Burke distracted her a moment longer. The old male was certianly more stoic, and as she took in the obvious signs of age that had become obvious from when she had first met the male, she sudenly was aware that he was old, older then she would have though. How old, exactly? She could but guess, and currently that was none of her concern. To him she dipped her head respectfully, before Nico spoke and her gaze fell on him a moment.

Hi introduced himself and stated his intent, before falling silent. When he had finished did she turn to her Lord and Lady, speaking evenly as she added her own words. "I have known Nico for a while, now. His skill as a warrior is great, I assure it." she told them, eyes flickering to him a moment before she added, tone sincere. "I trust him." For her, this was no small proclimation, and as her gaze flickered directly to Malice a moment, she hoped her friend understood that. "I vouche for him." was the last she said before falling once for into silence, glancng at Burke. 

Aeronwyn had said little, but thrown her support behind Nico. At this, and his words and respectful behavior did the nervousness that was so odd for her to possess abate, and she simply watched and waited for thngs to proceed. Even though Sargent was a wild variable, and she didn't know how and when to proceed on that not-so-small matter, for now she'd focus on this.

Her tail waved excitedly through the autumn air, awaiting to hear what he had to say. He seemed in good shape, and Malice trusted her friend more than anything. Aeronwyn had good judgement, and so she believed that she would not bring a useless wolf to their borders. If he could hunt, fight and protect the borders, he would probably be accepted. Winter was coming, and they had no right to be picky. Arthendal would survive, yes, but still; Malice did not like risking the life of others anymore. A small, tight smile formed on her face. Nicolas - how interesting. He paused as to what to call the bond between him and their warlord, and that caught her attention. Her thoughts wandered to the conversation they had had about Aeronwyn wanting children. She had denied that there was a male that had caught her eye, yet now Malice was not so sure of her words anymore.

Next Aeronwyn spoke, and Malice was surprised to see so much faith in Nico from her. She blinked a few times, re-positioning herself before looking at Burke. They needed wolves, and if Nico could fight... Nicolas, Arthendal is a place where we do not work with many other packs. Our secrets are important, and a punishment awaits wolves who reveal any of them to anyone outside of the Isle. She paused to see if Burke wanted to say something before continuing. We are a retreat of some sort, and here you can learn whatever you want. For that we only ask that you provide protection and occasionally food. If you are okay with all of this, I see no reason not to accept you.

Burke let the male and Aeronwyn speak for themselves. The male himself was quite surprised too that Aero was so passionate about this man. Burke was not entirely blind. Perhaps there was more than just friendship between them. Still wasn't any of his business. The male let Malice talk once more. Burke could only agree with her really. He trusted Aero too, she was their warlord after all. If she vouched for him there was nothing really they could protest against.

Burke slowly nodded. We reward hard workers like Aeronwyn, how far you are in your trade often reflects your rank," he explained, speaking for the first time. "I agree with my mate that we have no reason not to accept you," he spoke. Burke looked at him straight, he was not one to avoid eye contact ever. "Do note that me and my mate have the only breeding rights at the moment. I do not accept any of your young you might father outside our borders, let that be clear," he spoke strictly. He already had Dagfinn that had been going out of bound, he didn't need more male.

Aero spoke after him, adding that she'd known him for quite some time, as well as promoting his sill as a warrior. Nico swallowed thickly but refused to allow his insecurity and nervousness to show. Now was not the time for vulnerabilities, there would be time to talk to his friend later, when he was accepted and had integrated himself into his new pack. For now, however, his facade of strength and honour would have to be perfect, absolutely flawless. There was no time for mistakes, that he knew.

She vouched for him, she said. She trusted him.

Nico didn't know what to say. So he listened.

The dark female spoke, saying that Arthendal was not a place where they worked with many other packs, and that their secrets were very important and there would be punishments for those who couldn't keep their mouth shut. At that, Nico simply nodded and smiled gently, "I understand," he said quietly, respectfully, for there was nothing else, he felt, that he could add to that matter. He had always been a man of many secrets and he'd kept them for quite some time. In a way, he was an expert on secret keeping, and he trusted in his own ability to keep his mouth shut. "Will do."

"Yes, I understand." Nico nodded, "I will do my best to provide for the pack." The other wolf, the larger greyscale male spoke as well, adding that they would reward hard workers like Aeronwyn and how experienced you were in your trade would often refelct your rank. In addition, the man also said that only his mate and himself had breeding rights at the moment and that he would not accept any children of his should he have fathered any. At that, Nicolas nodded, "I get that," he said with a semi-amused smile. "Rest assured, I have not fathered any children," he added as an afterthought.

"I bear the trade of a Scout already, and I'll like to keep pursuing that, if you accept me within your pack. I'm also working towards my Mercenary trade as a secondary option."