Otatso Wetlands my life, my love, my drive, it came from pain

@Aria

The shift of barely-there sunlight filtered through the thick foliage of the wetlands. Even then, it could not hide the dark fury that seemed to embolden the beast. He had found Aria near the borders – a place she went often, given her hesitations around the Alpha Female, with good reason. He had wished to crumble at her paws in that very moment, the quake of his muscles coiled with tension and the need of release. He had wanted to demand she get her memories back – that she become the old Aria, because now, more than ever, he needed her guidance.
 
Even in his anger, he knew that was not fair to her. Instead, he felt the loose growl escape his lips, aimed toward the border, and away from the pale dove. “Come with me,” Constantine had rumbled darkly, his strides powerful as the shadowrunner moved past the borders.
 
He did not speak. His form remained rigid – the bulk of the warrior tense as they began to put some distance between Swiftcurrent Creek and themselves. As his paws came to the wetlands, he began to slow, a frown settling on his darkened features as his thick muzzle swung back to study Aria. “I needed some space.”

aria was shocked, when constantine asked her away. but she agreed, not at all reluctantly. she followed him silently, he seemed angry or frustrated or upset... and she knew better than she pound him with questions right away. it was common sense, she thought. she'd wait for him to speak.

and when he finally did, she let out a soft sigh of concern. her ears clipped back and her gaze rested on him, narrowed. "from who?" she asked.

but she knew the answer.

Her question rang out in the quiet of the wetlands. The creek Alpha could feel the slick of mud and water chill his limbs, knowing that he must look haphazard at best to the ivory she-wolf. He contemplated his answer to her, his jaw locking for a moment as he exhaled his breath quietly. The entire situation was for nought – Constantine had bestowed truth to his mate when courting her, confessing he had been in love with Aria in his prior life, and that she had not reciprocated the feelings. As he looked to her now, he could still see her pressed in to the side of Floki – of Komodo. The flare of indignation in his chest not only stirred from his own jealousy to her lovers, but that even with his own mate he could not be good enough.
 
He knew better than to tell the Delta of his fight with Durnehviir. At least not in depth. It would only continue to hurt both females, and instead, his jaw slackening, he allowed another sigh to release past his lips as he blinked, turning his eyes from her now. “There was a fire not long ago,” he spoke, instead. He did not know a pack had been at the brunt of its deathly claims, but had instead found solace when the smoke and scent had stayed away from his own family. “I think we should check it out.”

right. the silence hung in the air as constantine failed to respond. but did he need to? aria knew the answer. 

instead, he commented about a fire, something that sent chills across aria's spine. she shook her fur out, trying to stop it from bristling at a feeling she could hardly grasp. "there was a fire at donnelaith," she commented, almost dully. she could remember watching the fire from the top of... the mountain, she couldn't remember it's name, but it was the one that floki had been at. it hurt her heart to think about it, to remember, but it was such a detached memory that... truly, it was a phantom pain. 

"where was it?" she asked.

His ear flickered, jolted as the word ‘Donnelaith’ slipped from her lips. It was jarring, to hear her say the name of their old home – when she remembered nothing about it, and yet it fell away from her, as if familiar. “Yeah…” He trailed off, his anger ebbing away to loss before he slowly sank down to his haunches in the muddied water. “Yeah, there was.” His tone was tight, his eyes distant and hardened as they studied the area around them.. looking anywhere but at her.
 
She asked where – and once again, Constantine couldn’t answer. His mind reeled now, the smoke fading from the wind, pulling him back to the ashes and char of the Sentinels. “Deirdre…” He began, and the lump that formed in his throat stopped him from speaking further. He swallowed, his lips curling back before slamming a forepaw to the brackish water, spraying it in his frustration. “Fuck,” he hissed, trying to regain himself, knowing he was probably worrying Aria.

Standing up once more, his lips in a thin line, the swarthy wolf nodded to his counterpart, beginning to lope toward the north. "I'm sure someone around here has answers."

her ears splayed, immediately regretting speaking. it was the pride of having a memory to relate back to that caused her to speak, but she wished she hadn't. aria stood silently behind him, head lowered, until he finally turned around. she wished she could ask him how he felt-- but she was too afraid to do so. it just wasn't appropriate, was it?

"i'm sorry... i'd... forgotten," she murmured, avoiding his gaze even as he moved back on to the nearby fire that had burned. what hadn't she forgotten? what a stupid thing to say. "i'm sure you're right," she added, taking in a deep breath.

He flinched inwardly – the cowing expression she gave him when she realized the memory inflicted pain, the brusque tone in which he addressed her. He slowed his steps, his emotions draining from his face as he remained outwardly passive. Dirt and water sprayed up gently from his paws as he moved with purpose, and he waited for her to catch up, his bright eyes glancing to her sideways as he ensured she walked next to him, rather than behind him.
 
“I’m sorry, Aria,” he offered tightly, his jaw still clenched. “None of this is what I wanted for you.” His eyes drifted back to the path ahead of them, the gentle filtered sun that had managed to worm its way through the thick foliage disappearing – a soft rumble in the distance indicated the thunder in the distance. Of course they would get caught in a storm.

she caught up with him, despite her aching soul that told her she had done something wrong. she couldn't help it, she just didn't know, and maybe she never would. maybe it was better that she didn't, but at times like this... it sucked. to put it so eloquently.

"please don't apologize," she said gently, nudging his shoulder with her nose, "i've never blamed you. i know this isn't easy for you, either."

He continued north, his shoulder brushing against the delicate ivory of his companion every so often as he steered them away from the North West, where the scent smoke seemed more prevalent. He wasn’t about to take either of them in to what could still be a fire, though he knew the measure of caution was partly coddling. Some things never changed when it came to the two.
 
“You deserve an apology,” he muttered, knowing that perhaps it shouldn’t be just from him. An ear flicked in irritation, and as rain began to patter gently on the ground, he huffed quietly. “She doesn’t trust me.” The words aloud felt terrible out loud, and he continued to grind his teeth together in quiet speculation. The simple fact that he had taken Aria with him would only fuel the fire – and he was intent that the pale dove wouldn’t be consumed by the flames.

each time their fur would brush up, aria would follow his lead. that was all it was, after all, right? she didn't really know where they were going-- or why, but she'd follow. there was nothing else for her at the creek anyhow... or anywhere else, for that matter.

her ears pricked at his comment. "i..." she said quietly, unable to finish as constantine spoke again. what was she to say to that? how could she respond? she didn't know. "i can leave, constantine. i didn't come back to make your life so hard," she told him suddenly, a wave of guilt suddenly plaguing her. there was a difference, aria decided, between durnehviir hating her... and hating her own husband. 

aria was not a home wrecker, and she didn't intend on being one.

If he could run a hand over his face he would. He mentally kicked himself instead, and as he halted, his ears slid back to his skull, his fiery gaze lingering on her with abated frustration. “Don’t,” he spoke, his stocky frame perfectly still as the rain shower continued, causing droplets of water to gather along his dark pelt. “Don’t say that, Aria. You know that’s not what I want at all.”
 
They stood in a ridiculous situation, and he chuffed a low growl, giving his pelt a quick shake as he attempted to ease the tension in the air. But then he had a thought.. “Unless it’s what you want?” Was her life at the creek so terrible being under the silent wrath of his mate that Aria was hoping to move on?

aria stopped only after him, her head turning gently so that it showed profile over her shoulder, but her gaze remained at the ground. for a moment she stood still, and only after he spoke did she turn fully to him, ears splayed. water dropped into her eyes from her eyelashes, and she blinked it away quickly. her cheeks, thick and full, weighed down from the water, dripping to the ground. 

and then, for the first time in a long while, aria was almost angry at what he'd suddenly suggested. "i came here for you, constantine. i know nothing of myself, of anyone around me, except for you," she said, though her voice was sharp it was filled with hurt, "you're all i know and all i really care to know, at this point, i would never want to leave you." how could he think that? her head turned, brows furrowed, water falling down the bridge of her nose.

"of all the things i've remembered, you're the only happy thing. i've ruined so much-- i just don't want to ruin you too," she told him, and then her head turned back to him. her pale gaze met the ambers of his own, clouded. she hesitated, but not visibly, instead wrapped in her own emotions and inner turmoil-- things she'd held back possibly since her awakening on the beach. and then, finally, "what do you want, constantine?"

Whatever he had expected from her – admittance that she wanted as far from the creek as possible, being his assumption—he hadn’t expected the flare of her tongue as indignation fell over her. He flinched, staring at her – not sure what her words could possibly mean, nor was he sure he should try to delve further in to them. His wife sat at home – untrusting of his loyalty to her, and now, he played with the temptation to further pull Aria’s thoughts from her.
 
She didn’t want to leave him. He was the only happy memory she had.
 
The icy woman before him suddenly represented fire to him – and how careful he needed to be, whether he was burnt by her flame, or the jealousy of his dragoness at home. Neither could be tepid, even with the rain that fell across the lands.
 
What did he want? He had wanted a great deal of things in life; the first and foremost that came to his mind, now, were his children. But he knew she did not mean them – not in this equation, at least.
 
Constantine, instead, chose simplicity. “I want you to stay, dammit,” he seethed out after her, his own form rigid as he studied her.

he seemed to fight with himself, standing before her, speechless. she stared at him, waiting, her ears pulled back and her gaze searching his. and when he finally answered, aria was so incredibly unsatisfied. but how childish... 

"then i'll stay," she said with a gentle sigh, the flame extinguishing as soon as it had been lit. from his own warm gaze, her own fell, another emotion settling in. she wished he'd say what was on his mind-- exactly. but then again, was she? 

she tried to fall back to his first comment. "did you tell you she didn't trust you?"

She deflated – the sigh that escaped her, the words she spoke. He studied her, his features remaining emotionless as he battled his thoughts. During the months of their time together, during the days of Donnelaith.. Constantine had awaited the perfect time to make the grand statement of his affections for her. To let her know he wanted to court her – so show her that there could be good in the world, and not just spiralling doubt and self-worth.
 
That moment had never seemed to come, and he realized that it was here now – shadowed by the knowledge that there was never a perfect moment, but only the moment of opportunity. In that moment, he could go to her.. He could cradle her against him, tell her it would be alright – they would build her new memories together. He could tell her she belonged at his side, where she had always been the after his father had died. He could forsake everything – pull her in to his grasp and make love to her, deal with the consequences of it all later.
 
He could. And in that moment, he believed she would even let him.

But he wouldn’t.
 
The champagne eyes of his dragoness had filled with tears at his temporary retreat. He loved Aria… He realized now that he likely always would. But he also loved his mate, and it was to her that he had made a promise.
 
He allowed the moment to drift away, his own thick form stock still before his eyes finally pulled away from her. He swallowed thickly, feeling the electricity of the air between the two, and forcing himself to move again. To scout. They had left for a reason. “Not in so many words, no,” he rumbled. “And I don’t know what more I can do to prove myself to her.”

if there was a moment for anything, aria couldn't pin point it. it slipped by beneath her own nose, unaware that anything was happening. still, she could sense he had something to say... and she just prayed he would. why wouldn't he? why wouldn't she? what did she even have to say... constantine pushed forwards again.

aria stood still as he began past her, staring forwards quietly before finally turning and following, catching up to his side. "have you asked her?" she asked him.

His brows knit together at her question, and he fell to brooding silence. He had not outright asked her what it was she wanted from him, in fear the response would be her need to have Aria removed from his life. His dragoness was fiery, and he as his muzzle smarted from her own jaws on his flesh, he wouldn't put it past her to give him an ultimatum.

And that was a decision that would be truly ugly.