Broken Antler Fen let's show them we are better

The wind had calmed down enough for Nico to venture out without half-heartedly fearing for his health, and after doing a quick patrol alone where he quietly contemplated his next move and his next purpose, the soldier finally knew what he had to do in order to to make the decision of staying or leaving. He had to find Aeronwyn and they needed to talk; have a proper conversation. Because if they didn't, Nico feared he would slowly descend into the madness of his own mind. She needed to understand that he was only here because of her, and both of them needed to know where to stood in this relationship. 

Finishing his patrol, Nico exhaled sharply and scanned his surroundings warily, seemingly spotting a slight movement in the bushes in front of him. Silently, he moved to examine them, green eyes narrowed but found nothing. Casting a suspicious look at the clump of frozen greens, he shook himself and continued on his search to find @Aeronwyn. He hoped he would find her interrupted, but knew that the likelihood of that was next to impossible. Still, Nico prayed to whatever deity listening above that his wish would come true and ventured forward.

A fresh start, she had told herself, over and over. no more anger. no more of that burning in her chest that influenced her words and actions. she had prided herself for so long on being a logical, reasonable woman, but realizing that her actions in the worst of times were propelled by emotions did not sit well with her. perhaps, she had realized, the reason for this was the way she so carefully sought to control her emotions, to keep them carefully hidden away and never allow them to surface. to be cold and distant and calculating was all she had done for so long, and now she sought to do different. 

and then came the matter of Nico. she had not met with him, and solely him, for so long. there was a fear, there was the thought that had crossed her mind as she had charged headlong into the Glade. 
maybe, he was better off without her.
maybe, the knowledge that she had been driven by such extent by her anger would have him spurn her.
but hardly could such thing last in this uneasy stillness, and as he sought her, she too sought him. she did not know what to say, or how to say it, but she knew that she cared for him. loved him, as that love was a steady ember, and that he was most of all that she had. From Malice she had grown distant, perhaps it was merely her fault. For she had been so removed, distant, for far to long. and somehow, she had to amend that. 

"Nico"
He took her by surprise, the grey pelt that was his suddenly so near. she stilled, looking to him, her pale gaze filled with something like worry, like fear. for perhaps her distance had pushed him away too, and she would be here with nothing but herself and those who's ties bound them to her were faded and weak. and, she did not know what she ought to do then, if anything.

He had changed. No longer was he the same carefree, easygoing soldier he had been when he first arrived at Teekon Wilds. Now, he was different. Now, Nico was more like Sargent than he cared to admit. Except, perhaps, without the more gregarious and womanizing aspects that defined, at least, a quarter of his alter ego's personality. Still, Nico recognised and knew of the change, and though he refused to admit it out loud, he knew that slowly, he was becoming more like Sargent. He'd be lying if he said it didn't scare him, or affect him in any way, because it did, but he suppressed it - he didn't want to think about him.

Instead, Nico turned his thoughts to Aeronwyn. He found it easier to contemplate the problems between them than the problems between himself. But before the man could dwelve deeply into the complications in their relationship, he found himself confronted with the sight of her familiar, yet at the same time, unfamiliar, ghostly silver pelt. Nico's ears twitched, and slowly, almost tiredly, he lifted his crown, straightened himsellf and met her gaze evenly. Unfathomable apple green orbs meeting pale steel-coloured ones.

His name slipped past her lips and he was taken aback with surprise - he'd forgotten how long it had been since they'd actually had a full one-on-one conversation. Nicolas had forgotten how his name sounded from her lips, and slowly, a melancholic smile, filled with underlying bitterness tugged at the corner of his lips. It stayed for barely a second before fading into the shadows on his face. 

The soldier canted his head in a thoughtful manner and regarded her softly, curiously."Aeronwyn," he murmured in his lilting accent, rolling the word around his tongue. Nico had caught the look in her eyes, something akin to worry or fear, or trepidation - he wasn't quite sure what it was but it gave him a sense of wonder. After all, for some strange reason, the sterling soldier had always thought that he cared more about their relationship than she did. 

"We need to talk," Nico enunciated clearly, expression carefully wiped clean. Watching her with calculating eyes, he spoke once more. "Now. We need to talk now."

there was a plunging inside her chest, and the woman blinked. words fell somewhere between her mind and maw; I'm sorry. so many mistakes, so much left undone, unsaid. his green orbs, familiar and yet strange to her, the sound of his voice and knowing there was no way to stop what he was about to say, which was oddly terrifying and a relief all at once. his voice was clear as the cutting cold when he spoke, his gaze unfathomable. 

words bit at her maw, of mistakes and distance and of a hundred apolagies. and yet she could not bring herself to utter them, to open her maw and let out a vomit formed of words. how different, they were now; his expression wipped clean, hers a mixture of emotions unfiltered. she only nodded, allowing him to speak first, as she labourously sorted hrough her thoughts and feelings and how exactly to sort through the mess of her thoughts.

thanks for starting this thread btw!

no problem :3

No longer was she emptied of emotion like he currently was. Rather, for what seemed like the first time since he'd known her, her countenance was full of unfiltered, undiluted emotion. He blinked, uncertain of how or what to make of this situation. After a moment, he pushed it to the side, deciding that he could deal with that later. Right now, he needed to get to the root of the problem and address it immediately, because if he didn't, then their relationship would fall to pieces, and Nico genuinely cared for Aeronwyn - he wanted to salvage whatever was left and make something out of it. He still wanted her, but he didn't know if she still needed him.

"You've been avoiding me," Nico said quietly. "I don't know why. It might be for a good reason, if so, I don't know what it is but I respect it. But...you haven't been telling me things, you haven't been communicating with me at all. And I know I shouldn't expect you to do so, as we're not in any kind of romantic relationship or anything of the sort but you're my closest and dearest friend, the only one I have left, and I suppose I just thought that I meant enough to you for you to actually communicate and talk to me. I guess I was wrong," he smiled bitterly and looked away. "I've been wrong about quite a lot of things, it seems." 

He paused.

"I don't understand why you're like this, or doing this, nor do I claim to understand. I just want you to know that you are the only reason I'm still here - you're the only one tying me to this pack, and reality. You are the only close friend left, and I don't want to lose you too, but I will leave if you continue avoiding me for god knows what reason, and if you keep being distant." He resisted the urge to begin pacing, and rather, bit his lip uncertainly. He was tired, so tired, and he just wanted rest.

"I know you must have a good reason, but we're suppose to communicate, I think, or am I expecting too much?" Nico stared at her, then exhaled sharply. 

"I like you," he said, after a moment of thinking. "I'd like to court you, date you, be something, someone to you. I'd like to be your boyfriend of sorts but we've grown apart, and I no longer know if you feel the same way, or even if I feel the same way anymore. I don't know what to do, Aero. I've tried, really, I have. So, tell me, what should I do? Because I really don't know anymore."

Nico stopped there, realising that he'd said a lot, and perhaps, a bit too much. It came out like word vomit, but he no longer cared. He'd said quite a lot of what he wanted to say, and he'd expressed some of the problems that had been bothering him, and while he still had more, Nico wanted to know what Aero felt, he wanted to know what she wanted. And maybe, just maybe, he wished that she would take action for once, maybe be the one to ask him out instead. He didn't know...just..he wanted her back, but he knew that if things progressed like this, he would be willing to let her go.

Life was too short to be spent forever pining over a girl who didn't return his feelings.

He was bitterly honest, his words cutting. She did not speak, merely listened, and when his words came to an end she was silent. For a while she stood thus, quieted by his sincere honesty. He wanted to be something, and she wanted to, too. She did, though the prospect was like a yawning cavern before her, immense and frightening. 

"I've- I've always been proud to be logical. Cold, removed. I thought it was a sign of strength. Keep my distance, and I would have nothing to loose." she began, words soft and faltering. It was on this belief she had operated most of her life; what her upbringing and her own morals had led her to believe. She had scorned emotion, held it as a weakness, for she did not know how she ought to even handle such a thing. But then came the anger, and she could not hold it back, and it flowed and burst through her like water through a weakened dam. "Emotions were weak, to me. Logic...would make the best decisions, always." she elaborated half-heartedly, trying to find the words to explain what she was thinking, feeling.

"You...you were different. You made me feel...different. And I had no idea what to do. How to handle these feelings I had thought of as weak." She fell silent, not sure where or how to continue. But her next words came rushed, unfiltered. "I hurt people. The Court, strangers, I hurt them. Because there was an anger, and it demanded to be let out." She said, not even sure where her words were going anymore, how they sounded, what to do. For one of the rare times in her life, she was at a loss. remembering the day that Arthendal had fallen, the failure and bitterness she felt, the rage that had followed as she failed to sort through these feelings, the rage that had her attack the court. and she had thought- "I thought you'd be better off without me" she admitted, words hollow. "But...I wouldn't." Was that selfish?

"I want to be...something, too. I do. But..." she was terrified. That she would do wrong, that she would hurt him, That she had already hurt him. Of finally feeling, letting go of her masks and facades and coldness and her nature that had always been just out of reach. Of changes, because even though she had felt all these months that she had, had she really? 

At first, she didn't say anything. Instead, she stood there, silent. Nico was patient, however, and he waited silently, quietly appraising her with darkened green eyes. He could wait here all day if that was what she wanted - he didn't have anything better to do. He didn't have anything better to do than to listen to her speak about her feelings....wow, he hadb't realised how sad his life was until this moment. Nico shook those thoughts away, knowing that he was being a tad bit unfair on her, but he was still unable to prevent the overflowing feelings of bitterness from surfacing. They appeared in the creases on his face and in the way he stood, looking at her.

Aeronwyn spoke, telling him that she always prided herself in being a logical woman and that she thought it was a sign of strength. He wanted to interrupt, give her his own input, but restrained himself. Now wasn't the time, he thought. Nico would let her finish, let her say all she needed to say before he spoke. 

For once, her words were not firm and purposeful, but soft and faltering, and though he felt that he shouldn't be happy about it - he was. Because it meant that Aero was changing, becoming a better version of herself. She explained how she thought emotions were weak and how logic was best, and he nodded in understanding. Nico did understand how she felt because sometime ago, he had been like her as well, and then he had weakened and broke and split himself in two. 

His expression did not change when she spoke of hurting wolves and the Court. Rather, Nico sighed in disappointment. "Feelings aren't weak," he said softly. "They make us stronger, and we will be strongest when we know how to control them, not suppress them." He canted his head and regarded her wryly then. "But I suppose you know that now," he shrugged and took a step closer to her, eyes softening just a tad bit. "I know how you feel. I understand why you did it - I've been there before. And I know you know you were wrong in doing so. That's all that matters in the end, Aero. That you know you were wrong."

He breathed out and shifted his weight between his paws, then, if she allowed him to do so, he would rest his nose upon her cheek. "I forgive you," he murmured. "But I'm not 'better off' without you. I need you, and I can see you changing for the better. You're changing, and that's good, Aero. I'm not going to leave you because of your mistakes in the past. What matters is the present and the future, and I have faith in you," he said honestly, slowly withdrawing from her.

"I know you're afraid. I'm afraid too. That's normal. But...how about this? Let's not think ahead. We'll take it one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time..and see how it goes," he gazed at her gently and smiled softly. "You decide what you want to do with us." The ball was in her court now, and Nico, still smiling, knew that he would respect and understand whatever and whichever decision she decided to make now. It was her choice, as far as he was concened. He'd said all that he needed to say. It was her turn now.

He did not lash out, become angered when she spoke of the court. Instead, it seemed that his soft disapointment hurt all the same, though there was great relief that she had not driven him away. he spoke, and she remained silent, looking to him and listening raptly. Her muzzle dipped in the slightest to his statement, silent agreement to a question that had not been uttered. His eyes softened in the slightest, and she noted this as he continued. Her heart still hammered in her chest, as if it sought to flle the confines of her body, and yet his words brought an odd sort of relief. 

He spoke of faith, of not being better off without her. She allowed him to approach, his touch steadying her hammering heart a fraction. Was this change? It certainly felt like it, moreso than all those months on the Isle, were perhaps something within her had shifted, though not as quickly nor to the extent that the past while had brought. And then he offered a suggestion, one she took to gladly, and she realized with a start that there was an absence, of the weight that had been lingering upon her. The weight of things left unsaid, mistakes and words. 

"I would like that." she agreed, voice soft, yet steady. there was a moment in which she paused, before looking to him, her moon-bleached orbs meeting his verdant green ones for a moment. "thank you." The thanks were not just for what he had proposed, but for so much more, the extent of which she did not yet know. but he had caused much within herself to shift, to settle, and though she no longer knew with any certainty what the future would hold, she had to hope that it would include the man before her. she did not know where to start, but here seemed a pretty good place. she touched her muzzle to his cheek, returning his gesture, if he would allow her.

She didn't speak until he'd finished, and for that he was grateful. He was even more grateful, and perhaps, a tad bit surprised that she ended up agreeing to his suggestion that they take it one day at a time, and if that became too much to handle, then one hour at a time, and if that also became too much to handle, then one minute, one second at a time. Deep down, Nico was determined to make their relationship work, though for what reason, even the winter soldier knew not. He didn't dwell on those thoughts however, deciding that he was going to take his own advice, and simply take it a minute at a time.

"Okay," Nico murmured, staring at her curiously as she touched her muzzle to his cheek. Slowly, a small genuine smile tugged at the edges of his lips and he relaxed into her touch, before drawing away to fix his attention on her once more. "There's still one bit I don't quite understand," he told her softly, the twinkle that hadn't been present for a month or more now, reappeared in his apple green gaze and he smirked good-naturedly. "Does this mean you'll date me and allow me to court you? Not mates..but...be my girlfriend?" 

Nico didn't want to take it fast yet, for he sensed that neither of them were ready for it. And while in this world of wolves, dating and courting usually wasn't the norm..rather, wolves confessed when they were truly in love and became mates straight away. But he wasn't normal, and in his mind, Aero wasn't either. He felt that doing this, whatever it was, in their own way was better than conforming to society's expectations.