Blacktail Deer Plateau Brothers under the sun

Perry would really love to speak with @Atticus and @Crete privately, if you two are available? [mate] If not, he'll have to deal.

Following the events of the pack meeting, priority numero uno—after humping Hawkeye to kingdom come—was finding Atticus and Crete and speaking with them privately. After what had happened following Tyrannus's rise to Alpha, Peregrine felt nearly frantic to reassure his two litter mates that the same wouldn't happen with him. Not only would he never kick them out of his pack, he would kill them if they ever left. He wanted—he needed—them to know that.

"Att! Crete! You two got a minute?" Peregrine howled into the sky after finally extracting detaching himself from his new mate. There was nothing imperious about the summons. Peregrine very badly wanted to preserve the nature of his relationship with his brothers, despite his new status in the pack. He would never look down on them, never push them around and certainly never exile them. And while he knew Atticus would be hurt by his mate-ship with Hawkeye, Peregrine would make every possible effort to make things right between himself and his beloved brothers.

I have no idea where this came from. :o I would be ashamed of him but he's beating himself up enough already. :/

Peregrine’s howl broke into Crete’s attempt to sneak off, out of Blacktail Deer Plateau to brood away from prying eyes, to puzzle out the hectic feelings that he currently could not make sense of. Hawkeye and Peregrine were mates, which had risen Peregrine to the Alpha Male position. Though Crete hated himself with every fiber of his being for feeling this way, despite the rational example he had to go off of, he disapproved. Of it all. And Crete loathed himself to the depths of Hell for feeling like that. Peregrine was a good guy - but so had been Tyrannus, once upon a time. He had been the epitome of cool older brother, and then he had become threatened by the males of his family - yes, hilariously, even the mute as Peregrine himself had pointed out. The mute. Who was never and would never be anything of a threat. To anyone. He couldn’t even patrol the borders without feeling like some kind of fake because he couldn’t verbally communicate to anyone - no matter if their intentions were good or not. Peregrine wouldn’t kick him out. Yet, he had thought the exact same about Tyrannus. And the mateship thing was a whole other matter of which made Crete feel ashamed sevenfold. He thought it was too soon, thought that they couldn’t possibly be in love with one another for they hadn’t known each other long enough. Admittedly, he was a massive skeptic on the whole “love at first sight” concept. Crete assumed that it was just because she was going to be going into heat directly and that she just wanted a guy to screw. Crete, despite how selfish he thought, did not want to see Peregrine hurt. She seemed pretty damn flirtatious to all of them, to Crete. Who was to say another strapping handsome male wouldn’t strut into their pack and be the apple of her eye next and she would drop Peregrine like a hot potato?

Crete hated himself for that thought, too. It was exceptionally cruel -- but he couldn’t help it. He was only going off of what he had seen of Hawkeye thus far. Aside from what she had chosen to tell him, and what he had deduced on his own - he knew nothing of who she was, what her motivations were. That bothered him.

He should have been happy for Peregrine. For the mateship. For the promotion. Yet, he could not make himself feel it over the anxieties that plagued him. And Crete wondered if he would be kicked out if nothing but for his traitorous and harsh thoughts - that his brothers who were very adept at reading his body language would likely be able to see in his mannerisms if he was not careful.

Or maybe Crete would leave on his own, and save himself another blow to his already wounded heart. It had been finally stitching together and yet he could only feel it tear apart with an agonizing slowness once more. Pregnant pause was given as the mute considered ignoring Peregrine’s call and continue on his way to get far enough away that he could work out everything before he approached his brother(s) on the matter. Peregrine was his alpha now - he could not directly ignore a summons. With a heavy sigh - knowing Crete was not ready to face this demon that dwelled like poison in his heart, turned and headed in Peregrine’s direction, ears slicking flat to his skull as he approached his brother, knowing that he should be showing some sort of submission (Perry was his alpha after all) but couldn’t force his suddenly frozen limbs to push him down. Peregrine, his brother’s name lingered as a question in his mind, echoing as a softened whisper that was destined to never leave his lips.

What Crete truly wanted in that very moment with a desperation he had no idea what to do with was Aether’s guidance.

table by houkie

Though they had not yet had the opportunity to see one another and process the events that had transpired in the last day or so, and of course they obviously couldn't easily communicate about it, Atticus felt much the same about things as Crete did. A caustic mixture of emotions roiled around uncomfortably within him, making him both heavy-hearted, resentful, and fearful all at the same time. Since the pack meeting, he had remained alone, away from everyone else, while he attempted to sort out his feelings.

There was obviously the jealousy toward Peregrine's claim over Hawkeye. Atticus's feelings regarding their Alpha female were awkward and complicated. When he was away from her, the attraction was not so powerful. But in her presence, he felt as if he lost control of his mind and his senses (he didn't realize that this was normal for males under the influence of a female in season). He was driven mad with desire and mindless lust, unable to think of anything else but his hunger for her. He couldn't understand it. Perhaps, in time, experience and the wisdom that came with it would help him make sense of it. But for now, he felt it were better if he just avoided Hawkeye altogether.

Even more complicated and disorienting than his feelings over Hawkeye were his feelings over his brother. He couldn't stomach the idea of another situation like that which he had confronted back home with the Falcons. Tyrannus and he had been close. He had admired his older brother, learned much from him and found an honest, insightful friend in him. Power changed people. He was far closer with Peregrine than he'd ever been with Tyr, but power would change that. He knew it.

His brother's howl had rent the air many minutes ago, yet he still stood still. He had absolutely no desire to face Peregrine right now, and he seriously considered allowing the howl to go unanswered. A soft growl rumbled in his chest at the thought of what was to come. At the thought of having to grovel before yet another brother, having to walk on eggshells, pins and needles, lest he be considered a "threat". The wound was still too fresh. That Peregrine was blind, foolish, and…well, asshole enough to not consider this simply galled and infuriated Atticus.

In the end, he heeded the call. He couldn't ignore Peregrine – he was his Alpha now.

So he trudged toward the howl. It didn't take him terribly long to get there, for by sheer coincidence he had been fairly close by when the howl went up. Crete was already there, and Atticus could almost immediately see the uneasiness in his brother too. With a blank expression on his face and eyes full of accusation, he stood close to Crete, their shoulders brushing, and looked at his Alpha.

Perhaps this would be the part where Peregrine told them they were a "threat" and asked them to leave...

In a perfect world, Peregrine's brothers would've been happy for him and come running to celebrate the end of his bachelorhood. In a perfect world, Tyrannus wouldn't have run them all out of the pack without warning. In a perfect world, Peregrine and Atticus wouldn't have fallen for the same woman. In a perfect world, they would all be back home in Flightless Falcons, none the wiser to Hawkeye and her plateau, all happily living out their days in the middle ranks, palling around between themselves and Osprey...

This new world was certainly bittersweet. When they came—he was so relieved that they came—Peregrine could sense the tension, uncertainty and unhappiness in his brothers' body language. Over his other subordinates, he would rule confidently, always keeping them in their places. With Atticus and Crete, however, Peregrine would always be their brother first, their leader second. Seeing them slowly and reluctantly walk up to him broke his heart and he vowed then and there to spend as much time as they needed showing them that he would never treat them the way Tyrannus had.

"Thanks for coming, guys," Peregrine said, walking nearer to his brothers. He kept his head even with his back and his tail dropped, the tip wiggling uncertainly as he approached them and bumped each of their cheeks with his nose. He could feel the negative vibes emanating off them in waves. He couldn't blame them. "I'm not retarded and neither are you two. This changes things. Everything's changed since we came here." Tyrannus had forced their hand in that. "But I wanted to tell you, verbatim, while looking you in the eye"—and he did, his gaze flicking between the two of them—"that I love you and respect you and will treat you no differently than before. You will always be my bros and... I just wanted you both to know I'll do the best by you, that's all. I'm not going to be anything like Tyranus."

With a sigh, he then looked squarely into Atticus's face in particular. "And, Att... man, I'm so sorry. I'm a giant piece of asscrust. I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm a total acking fusshole but I hope that, someday, you'll forgive me..."

Crete’s discomfort drove deeper than just the most recent changes as well. He had questioned Hawkeye’s methods of leading even before his acceptance, going off of what Peregrine had confessed to him. These were solidified when she had seemed to accept him among their ranks without grilling him with questions. Of course, it was hard to grill him when he couldn’t speak back but Peregrine probably would have answered for him. Crete’s thoughts had proven to only turn more troublesome when Hawkeye had admitted to him about leaving the pack for a few days to clear her mind. She did not state how often she did this, and before Peregrine’s rise to Alpha Male, did it not mean that she left the pack without a leader during those days? It didn’t matter that if she did it now Peregrine would be there, it still bothered Crete. It was not something he could turn his head away from and ignore. Maybe it would be easier if Peregrine did kick him out, it might save him the trouble of possibly having to leave on his own. Hawkeye’s methods of leading were too different for him, and he did not exactly agree with them, was even having trouble trying to accept them.

He would try, simply because Peregrine and Atticus were apart of Blacktail Deer Plateau, but Crete was not entire optimistic on his abilities.

For now, these feelings were kept as closely coveted secrets, guarded more carefully than his heart.

Crete glimpsed at Atticus when he felt his brother’s shoulder brush his own as Peregrine’s near look alike came upon the scene, before the mute’s eyes went back to Peregrine as their new leader and brother spoke. Peregrine was right. It did change things, though if for the better Crete hated that he could not be entirely sure of. Change was inevitable. It always had been and would always be so because it was simply apart of life. Crete kept his gaze steady upon Peregrine as his promises were made, though Crete doubted those words if Peregrine knew the true tenor of Crete’s thoughts. He would tentatively believe Peregrine’s words until they were proven to be wrong, though this merely showed Crete that he did have a lot of things to think about and work through.

table by houkie

Sorry for the lengthy delay, guys. This past week has been kinda crazy and I haven't had much time to sit down and write posts.

The brush of Crete's shoulder was a reassuring warmth for Atticus, and he drew strength from their contact. Despite Crete's muteness, Atticus could sense the tension and unrest in his brother. Not for the first time, he wished his brother could give voice to his thoughts and feelings. It seemed so unfair sometimes that they should all be able to speak, but Crete could not. He was careful not to say these things out loud, though, nor to give Crete any indication that he felt sorry for him. No, to do so would only anger their mute brother. Crete was not disabled, after all, and wouldn't want their sympathy. At least, that was what Atticus thought, anyway.

He listened in stony silence to Peregrine's words. Surely, his brother intended only the best as he spoke those words, but in reality, they were only nails in a coffin around Atticus's heart. As a great wind of empty desolation blew through him, his feelings of anger, bitterness, and betrayal were scattered and blown aside like so many dried and brittle leaves. A great sense of hopelessness settled over him in their stead. He couldn't do this again. Once, he and Tyrannus had been close. They'd be friends and brothers and there had been no shortage of kinship and love between them. All of that had changed once the elder brother had realized the full extent of his new power. Atticus was certain, deep in his heart, that the same would happen to Peregrine. It was only a matter of time.

He thought about just going ahead and leaving the pack. Part of him reasoned that he might as well just go ahead and get it over with before Peregrine inevitably turned on him. The odds were doubly stacked against him because of what he had almost shared with Hawkeye. There was chemistry there, for sure. Even Hawkeye herself couldn't deny it. What if Peregrine found out? They were mated now; surely, there were few secrets between mates. Would he be seen as a threat to that, as well?

"I'm not ready to deal with this again," he stated flatly, his eyes cold and his feelings of desolation evident in the dull timbre of his voice. "Another brother with a boner for his shiny new crown. How long will it before you change your mind? You seem to forget that Tyrannus was one of us, not so long ago." His brow furrowed momentarily as he considered how much he could say before he came to regret it. This was how it would be from now on. No matter what Perry told them, they would always have to think before they spoke now because they were addressing their Alpha now. One could not be the boss and be the buddy. It just didn't work that way. "How, Peregrine? How the hell could you do this to us, not even a single fucking season after Tyr's bullshit, and expect us to be happy for you and totally okay with it all? Are you that fucking dumb?" Yep, the anger was coming back again.

Neither one of his brothers seemed at all ready or willing to take him at his word. Although this bothered Peregrine, he also understood it. He looked at them in turn, seeing the uncertainty on Crete's face, though—if he was reading his brother's body language correctly—he seemed to be giving Peregrine the benefit of the doubt, at least. This gave the Alpha both relief and hope. All was not lost. Perhaps he could have his cake and eat it too...

Then Atticus lashed out at him and it wasn't even about Hawkeye, which he had expected. Peregrine had also anticipated some resentment and concern about his ascension, just not this level of bitter harshness. Every word stung him, hurting him and also angering him, yet he let Atticus finish without interrupting. Admittedly, part of Peregrine wanted to lash out in return, to rebuke his dark brother for disrespecting him so badly... yet he knew that even the least show of defense would be taken the wrong way and would turn his brothers away from him, possibly for good. Although this wasn't fair—the sins of the elder brother were now his in a way he hadn't fully realized 'til now—Peregrine beat his anger into submission before it could manifest. His brothers mattered more to him than his pride right now.

"I'm not... dumb," Peregrine argued weakly, his tone flat. "And I understand your anger and your skepticism. I know I'm guilty until proven innocent. I wish you would give me the benefit of the doubt, Atti, but... I get it." Strangely, the new Alpha suddenly found himself fighting tears. He managed to hold them back, though his dusky eyes shimmered strangely. "Give me a chance and I will show you. I'm not Tyrannus," he finished quietly, wanting to reach out and touch them but suddenly afraid to make a move.

In fact, the only move Peregrine could think to make was one of absolute supplication. Meeting Crete's eyes, then Atticus's, he let out a long, slow breath, then dropped to his haunches, slid forward onto his belly, then rolled onto his side. He showed his belly to his brothers in a show of total trust and submission, because it was the only thing he could think to do to show them that he truly meant everything he'd said. "If I break this promise to you," Peregrine murmured as he lay there on the ground, prostrate, "kill me."

i apologize for the wait. And for the craptastic size and quality of this post. I have an annoying headache right now

Crete was more torn than he was anything else; wanting to trust Peregrine, but hiding behind the personal safety of his mistrust. Coveted though it was, Crete couldn't help but tack on, mentally, careful not to let it show his body language to crown wasn't the only thing Peregrine had a boner for -- though in that respect Atticus was just as fond of drooling over Hawkeye as Peregrine. Though Crete did not see the attraction to the childish, dictator of an alpha that was neither here, nor there. Shock froze Crete as he watched Peregrine slide forward to sign a full submission, and further by the words that came forth from his lips. Kill him? I could never kill you, Peregrine. That was out of the question. Hell, not even Tyrannus himself could've spurred in Crete the urge to kill. Perhaps it was because Crete was too benevolent, or maybe he was just an idiot. Regardless, the idea was rejected by the mute.

Last post from me in this thread! Atticus is overwhelmed and needs time to think.

Atticus was every bit as shocked as Crete when Peregrine submitted himself before them in full and total deference. No dignity or pride whatsoever was preserved in the gesture; in effect, the Alpha had taken off his crown and laid it at their feet, while putting himself fully and entirely at the mercy of their will. Confusion mixed with his anger and regret, and for a moment he felt sick and disoriented before all of those emotions fell away, leaving him feeling empty and lost inside. He wanted to believe Peregrine so much. So much of his heart leaped out to his brother, upon whom fortune had smiled so generously, but some parts of his heart yet still bore the wounds of Tyrannus's cruelty. It was too soon. It was simply too soon. If more time had lapsed between Tyr's betrayal and Peregrine's ascension in the ranks, Atticus would have celebrated. He would have hunted with his brother and feasted in his honor. But it was still just too soon.

Atticus gave him a level stare and arched a brow in disapproval. He had to know that neither Crete nor he would ever lift a paw against him in malice. Kill him? Forget it. "Ugh. Get up, Pencil Dick." No matter how fucked up life got, some things would never change. Peregrine would always be Pencil Dick, if nothing else. Shaking his head and sighing, he began to turn as if to leave. "I need time to myself to think. This is all too much too soon. I think…I might take some time away from the Plateau. If you want to demote me for that, then demote me. But I need to sort things out. Tyr left some big fucking scars…maybe it all affected me more than it affected you guys. I don't know." Some time away from everything would do him some good, he thought. Just time by himself to think, to be, to figure out where Tyrannus and Peregrine mixed within him and to cut them apart, separate them, toss out the infection Tyr had left behind. He pressed his forehead gently into Crete's neck for a moment, then cast one last meaningful glance at Peregrine before leaving the two.

His brothers seemed disturbed by his display. Peregrine nonetheless remained motionless. Although he'd committed no wrongs of his own, it dawned on him that he also couldn't do anything right in this situation. No matter what he did now, Atticus and Crete would be displeased with him. It made his heart clench both in anger and pain. Never before had Peregrine felt so thwarted.

Atticus told him to get up and Crete's silent look said the same. Slowly, the Alpha rolled onto his stomach but did not rise. His ears flattened when Atticus spoke, expecting him to spew yet more bitterness. Although he spoke softly now, his words were no less damaging than if he'd lit into Peregrine all over again. Peregrine's lips parted, though his mouth closed a second later and his jaw muscle clenched visibly at the allegation that Atticus was more affected than the other two by everything that had happened with Tyrannus.

Before he could figure out what to say, Atticus pressed his head to Crete's neck, then left, the nearly lack complete of acknowledgment tearing at Peregrine's heart. "What did I do? What the fuck do I do? What the fuck would you have me do?" he muttered at his sibling's back. Realizing he was babbling, Peregrine shut his mouth forcibly again.

He looked up at Crete, his eyes shimmering now, then let his head sink to the ground. Defeated, he simply planned to lay there a while as he didn't currently have the will to move. Tyrannus had scarred him—had scarred all three of them—but Atticus had just inflicted new wounds on Peregrine's spirit. For the moment, the Alpha either didn't or couldn't blame him, yet the whole thing left him motionless and breathless with pain during a time that should have been the brightest of his life.

It was clear that things had not gone how Peregrine had wanted them to go. In this, Crete felt bad for his inability to trust, and hated how Tyrannus' actions were tearing them apart. At the end of the day, it didn't really have anything to do with Peregrine specifically, it had to do with Tyrannus. His abuse of power, and the exhiling of his male relatives. The cool older brother had vanished nearly overnight and in his place had became a monster. Was Crete supposed to trust that the same thing wouldn't happen here? Peregrine wasn't Tyrannus, true, but there was a weariness in Crete's bones -- not aided by the fact that he generally disliked and thought ill of Peregrine's new mate -- that he could not simply ignore. Crete felt Atticus's forehead press against his neck before Atticus' left as Peregrine shouted at his back.

Peregrine looked at Crete then, his eyes shimmering and Crete felt like someone had stabbed him with a knife in a recently stitched up wound, knocking the breath out of him as it tore at the fresh stitches. The mute drew in a breath, soft and shallow before he padded from the spot he's been frozen to, towards Peregrine to run his tongue over his brothers forehead and left ear. Just because Crete was working through how he felt about everything and his future in this pack -- if indeed there was one -- didn't mean he loved Peregrine any less. He would die for any one of them, even Tyrannus; because that was how family worked. Hating an loving at the same time, and more importantly, forgiveness. He pulled back slightly before he lowered himself to a sphinx like position in front of Peregrine, wanting him to know he wasn't alone. Crete didn't have to agree to love his brother - that was the beauty of family.