Blackfeather Woods tides that I tried to swim against

it was his mother the boy sought that day, for questions had been, plaguing him for a long while, some of which made him unsure and worried, others of which brought him a certain amount of confusing happiness. Thus he howled for her quickly, settling down in a lighter part of the wood, snow dusting everything around him. Stripped of its foliage, the dark wood did not seem quite as intimidating, yet menacing all the same.

settling on his haunches, he waited for @Vuk with an even mixture of nervousness and expectation, for already had he guessed at the answers to some of his questions, yet hoped her words would bring a final verdict to his thoughts.

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vuk knew that in order to keep her standing among the wolves of blackfeather, she must seek to mold herself to their wants. there was a deep morass of ability within her, the woman had discovered, coupled with the willingness to do whatever she needed to ensure the position of her family in this woodland for the winter. nemesis commanded her attention, along with cicero -- vuk knew that there was a chance the dark wolfess and the odd male might change her fate if they saw a need for such.
seff. vuk's smile unfurled like a blossom when she saw her gangly son, already wearing the color of his father in his eyes. she chuffed lightly to him, coming over a small rise to nuzzle his ears and press her lips against his cheek. the boy was her heart -- vuk realized she had not once entertained thoughts of giving birth again, and a worry crept into her soul that this would hurt terich. but for now, her attention belonged to the lanky child, and she thrust her ears forward, waiting for him to reveal the reason behind his expression.[/tr][/td][/table]

His mother arrived, and quickly his thoughts were shoved away as he met her in the same affectionate matter, though perhaps there was a touch of half-hearted news to his actions. He smiled softly at her, and opened his maw with only the intent to greet her. Yet his thoughts proved too pressing, and instead he said in a rush of words; "Mama, I have to ask you something. Well, a few somethings."

He struggled for a moment before simply stopping, deciding that perhaps some forethought on this conversation would have been helpful. "Why does my pelt look so different?" Immediately he thought this sounded quite stupid, and thus he continued as best he could. "Terich, you, both have pelts of grey and white. Shouldn't...shouldn't I have one too?" He had no idea why the thought bothered him so, when before it had not, and he simply did not care. With all the changes, the newness, in his life, why this stuck out he did not know.

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seff blurted words that vuk hadn't thought she'd ever hear, but the boy had laid them before her quickly, and now watched her for a response. for a long moment, the patchwork wolfess stared at her son, her mind whirling with all the words she must now piece together into an explanation -- why seff bore the eyes and father of the nameless wolf, and not terich. vuk was unprepared, but she had no choice; she loved seff deeply and there was a great deal of hope within her that he would understand.
"t-terich is n-not y-your f-father, n-not b-by b-blood," she began simply, watching his handsome young face for any hint of anger or hurt. "w-when i was y-younger, i l-lived in a p-pack a-along a r-ridge. t-there w-was a m-man there w-who d-did not s-speak, and i f-fell in l-love w-with h-him. y-you l-look l-like h-him."
"i w-was n-not allowed to h-have ch-children, b-but he f-found m-me all the s-same," vuk went on vaguely, not wanting to delve into the mechanics of sexual intercourse right upon the heels of this difficult conversation. "w-when i f-found i was p-pregnant, the l-leader t-told m-me i m-must l-leave or h-have my children k-killed when they w-were b-born." the pain of it was surprisingly raw, still, after all this time. "s-so i r-ran away. i w-wandered. t-terich f-found m-me and i d-decided to g-go back, and b-beg f-for mercy. b-but the p-pack had f-fallen. and i t-think the wolf ... i t-think he d-died."
vuk drew a shuddering breath, exhausted by the telling, by the emotions and the effort it took to shape the words. "i h-had y-you t-there, in the d-dirt. t-there was a f-famine  -- anyway, t-terich decided he w-would b-be m-my mate, and h-help me to r-raise you, and w-when y-you w-were born, h-he p-protected you and i until w-we r-reached r-reek's p-pack." and there it was. vuk was silent, searching seff's eyes with her own, and begging deep within herself that he would not ask if he had been born alone. she did not think she could bear that telling.[/tr][/td][/table]

her first words sealed with ramming force the thought that had been eating at him, one brought on by thoughts as he watched his parents. for a moment, he felt nothing, simply blinked once, and then he realized fully what it meant. He had a father, somewhere out there, one he had never laid eyes upon. The thought felt as if suddenly a weight had fallen into his back, yet he kept his focus on his mother as she continued,  daring not interrupt as emotion gradually filled a void left by sudden shock.

not only had she come to the wood for him, not only had she searched so long and hard for him when he had wandered, but her sacrifice had begun before he was even born. she left her pack, left safety and comfort and a chance at survival so that he might live. And then she had found Terich, mated him not out of love but so he might have a better chance at life. And return to beg, to grovel, only to find her pack gone. his eyes glistened, and he did not speak. He simply watched her, fierce love dancing in his eyes, and then he approached his mother quickly, pushing his muzzle into the fur by her shoulder.

"you sacrificed so much. For me." he said finally, still reeling at the fact that his father was not his own, but not angered or hurt, but understanding. And how could he, after what Vuk had done and sacrificed for him, feel something as mundane as anger toward her? He quite simply could not, and when he pulled back to glance at her speechless, for gratitude could simply not cover what he felt now. But still, he said, "thank you. I- I promise, I'll make you proud." Simple, but his dancing optics showed clearly the greatness of his emotion, the awe and love that ranged there. And he felt as if he must be quite simply the best he could be, if only to somehow make his mother's sacrifices meaningful.

but still his father brought a deep longing for the wolf he would never be, and his heart felt heavy. Dead. he would never see the one that sired him, but perhaps... "My father. Wh-what was he like?" A trepidant question, still made with heavy words and stirred deeply by the thought of what had just been revealed.

this thread is making me really emotional lol

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as she spokel vuk noticed that it was not anger or pain that became paramount in her boy's expression, but love. vuk was surprised by its intensity, and then chided herself -- seff was a pup no longer, and there was the experience of manhood awakening within him. a shaky breath extended from her; she embraced her son tightly as he nudged into her fur. "i t-though i h-had d-done w-wrong b-by y-you," the patterned wolfess admitted, tears springing to her eyes as she held seff close. 
"i w-would do it all again, seff," vuk murmured firmly. he was the treasure of her heart -- she would endure all suffering and all agonies for him, and do so gladly. the play of emotions upon his face caused her lips to tremble, and a single sob came from vuk as seff expressed his intentions to glean her pride. "i am s-so p-proud of y-you already."
to his gentle question she gave a pause first, composing herself as her mind flitted to the tucked-away memories of her son's father. "quiet. h-he n-never once s-spoke, b-but h-his eyes s-said so m-much. he w-was b-both f-fierce and g-gentle, and i l-like t-to t-think h-he w-would h-have b-been proud of you t-too."[/tr][/td][/table]