Redhawk Caldera Exes and ohs

Pantaleimon's ears folded back when Peregrine shared what was on his mind. The words that followed thereafter felt like a blur, because Pan's mind was screaming that their only function was to try and comfort Pan. Instantly Pantaleimon's mind flung towards causes and reasons. Was it because they hadn't done anything sexual yet? Was Pan moving too slow? He'd been careful what with Perry getting hurt and not being in the mood, really, but maybe he just wasn't in the mood because Pan wasn't what he wanted.

Pantaleimon hurriedly looked away while he swallowed threatening tears away. It took about two minutes for Pantaleimon to figure a response at all, while all the possible reasons for Perry breaking up with him were flying through his mind in so high a speed that Pan couldn't even sort through all of them. It felt like the carpet had been pulled from under his feet, as though the blocks upon which Pan's new existence in Redhawk Caldera were built were falling on his head. "Oh," Pantaleimon managed to struggle out, mostly withdrawn into his own mind. It had to be his fault. Maybe he'd seemed too eager about the puppies. Maybe Perry was worried that Pantaleimon would try to fit too big a role into the new pups' lives. That's what Pan wanted... Maybe he'd been too preoccupied with the whole pups-deal. Even when he'd met Roz Pan had wanted to drag her home and mate her, if not only for the fact that that meant he could have pups some day, and anyway, she'd seemed like the loose type so she probably wouldn't mind if he 'spent time' with Perry either in his spare time. At the time that had seemed like a ridiculous idea, but in hindsight Pan wondered if it was the fundament upon which Peregrine had made this decision.

The 'maybe' was completely forgotten within mere minutes of inverting into Pantaleimon's own mind. He had never been great at making decisions, and was used to being told off or having things taken from him. It did not even occur to Pantaleimon to fight Peregrine's words, as if they were final, as if Pan had no say in whatever was decided.

In the end, Pantaleimon could not bring himself to look up at Peregrine with more than an emotional expression in his eyes. He knew he probably should say something. Something like 'If that's what you want', or 'I love you', or 'How could you do this to me', or even 'What the hell are you talking about, there's nothing I want more than to be by your side, don't you feel the same?' Many more options passed the revue, but Pantaleimon didn't even know where to begin in expression how he felt and what he wanted; and specifically, what he didn't want — to lose Perry.