Moonspear by a route obscure and lonely

Cypress studied the girl with regret stirring in his sulphureous eyes, and his tongue moved thickly to moisten his numb lips. “It was a bear that got my parents,” he uttered hollowly, feeling the telltale ache in his throat and the unsettling flutter in his lungs that meant he was near tears himself.

“Listen,” he said, a bit huskily. “You can’t be cursed, because you’re — ”

a girl

“ — you know, you’re — ”

a good wolf

“ — immune.”

That sounded good. It wasn’t true, and Cypress felt guilty for lying, but telling Lyra the truth — that it sure sounded like she was cursed, so she had better say goodbye to the wolves she loved or at the very least start following them around — was too difficult. He didn’t have the wherewithal for “difficult” right now.

“Leaving doesn’t mean dead, Lyra,” he added. “Maybe Cosantine and Eelee’ll come back. Anyway, a mountain lion isn’t your fault. It’s only your fault if you were the one doing the killing with your own teeth.” He didn’t feel the same way about himself — but then, he was willing to warrant a guess that Lyra hadn’t been the man of the house who was supposed to take care of things, either. “On that note, if a bad wolf attacks you and you fight it off and it dies, that’s not your fault either,” he tacked on. He didn’t want her to be afraid of fighting tooth and nail if it came down to that.

Trying to turn the mood around, Cypress quietly intoned, “Maybe it’ll help if you make up in your head what happens to Cosantine and Eelee. Sometimes I do that about Rannoch. I don’t know if it comes true but I just — try to pretend — ” His breathing fell into an uneven pattern as he swung his scarred muzzle away from her, out toward the frigid expanse. If his eyes watered from the cold, it wasn’t the same as succumbing to the babyishness of actually crying — right? “I just try to pretend he’s growing while I’m growing and he’s not sad anymore. Maybe he finds Lucy and they get to be together. That’s how it was always supposed to be.” It didn’t really make him feel any better to think about Rannoch and Lucy, together somewhere without him. It made him feel pretty fucking lousy, if he was being honest. Still, it was the happiest outcome he could wish for — even if it didn’t make him happy.