Bearclaw Valley must they subject even my pain to the disapproval of their gaze?

She did not return the greeting or make any move to reach out to him, bringing a frown to his lips—he didn’t like this at all. Laying his chin down into the snow, he stretched his neck out with a whine so that he might touch his nose to one of her front paws. It was a small gesture, the touch soft, and something that he would have attacked someone over just several months ago. But he did not think of that, the memories temporarily cast from his mind, his want to make things better overruling logic.

Alexander wanted to wake up. He wanted his eyes to flutter open and reveal that he’d been asleep this entire time, that his friend hadn’t suffered the same fate as himself—but it was not a nightmare that sunk its talons into them but reality, who was the cruelest of them all. “I’m sorry I couldn’t help you,” he said suddenly, ears flattening out against his head. “I should’ve been quicker—I shouldn’t have left your side.” Had he not let her out of his sight, then things would have been different. Perhaps they’d be curled up together somewhere, her body free of injuries, and he wouldn’t feel such a terrible ache in his chest. This was all his fault, and he knew it. He hadn’t been able to save her, just as he hadn’t been able to protect Indra or breath life back into Kendra—he was useless to them, making promises that fate decided he should never be allowed to keep.

He didn’t deserve to have anyone beside him—no friends to call his own—because he was nothing more than a harbinger of death, always leaving pain and suffering in his wake.

Swiftly, he pulled his head back and away from her, daring not to try and touch her again. He didn’t deserve forgiveness or kindness, just as she did not deserve his harassment. “Do you want me to leave?” he asked, muzzle tilting towards the inner reaches of the valley. He wanted her to say no, even though he knew he did not deserve to be forgiven, but he knew deep down that he would likely hear nothing—that she could not understand him any more than he could read her thoughts.