rise to the rush

I honestly don't know where her head is lol..personally i think she's just afraid to lose what was hers..

Thistle stared at him a moment and there it was what she had feared all along she was merely second best to his precious priestess and her heart felt sore and bruised, but she didn't flinch and she didn't cry, she just stared at him. He had not asked her how she was he had not checked on her, he had not asked anything,except whether or not she and Nerian were fine and it made her sick. They had not spoken for a week and when they did it was cold and stilted and his first question was whether or not she and nerian were fine. She shook her head to dispel the thoughts that threatened to tear her already bruised self down. She nodded once yes we are fine.

She realized then too that her children would also always perhaps be second best because they were not his and the minute Nerian went into heat again he would have what he wanted his many fucking sons. Because what was the point of asking him to wait until she had a litter first, when the answer would be no because he wanted his priestess so damn bad and Nerian wanted him so very badly too, it was futile so she said nothing. She twitched her ear one time and looked to the ground not sure what to say because she knew what was coming and she knew what her answer would be and then she just wanted to leave and hide somewhere.

She wanted to stand and run away as fast as she could leave him and all this terrible crushing pain behind, just leave, because she had realized it was futile to resist what he wanted it just irritated and made him angry anyway so what was the point and besides she was selfish Nerian had said so and she hated to be selfish.

She shifted and waited for the rest of the question to progress, it was like agony it hurt and it irritated her that she hurt so bad, and that he honestly just didn't understand why it bothered her and maybe he just didn't care, because she already figured he loved his priestess more than her anyway and because she loved him why not let him have what he loved.

Suddenly thistle just couldn't take the wait anymore and she looked at him her eyes like crystals of blue steel veiled and hard but soft and full of love and she spoke softly Just ask your question Ragnar ask me for your priestess, just tell me you want to have her and hold her and love her and everything else. Just stop lying to me and stop lying to yourself and just say it, say that you want her to have your sons because my son's aren't yours by blood just say it,so i can tell you yes and just move on, because i'm not good enough or great enough or loved enough whatever the heck it is, but please just stop this constant nagging at the back of my head and just ask. Because i'm tired of fighting and hurting and crying, i'm tired of being selfish and unreasonable since clearly i don't think of you before myself or at least i've been told so just ask, because i love you enough for the both of us i guess and I can do whatever you want just so your happy and i like Nerian. The last part she added as an after thought her voice still soft and a little bit sad, but she had come to her own conclusion she had figured out a solution that was good for everyone but her, and that was the good thing right, and who knew maybe it wouldn't be so bad....just the thought of nerian having RAgnar's son's before her made her sad, and feel unloved but she said nothing.