[m] Healer's folly

Envy

M for crazy, and also mouse harm

Rosy pawpads grew tired and sore, cracked and battered by what seemed to be proving an endless trek.

She was growing sick of wandering, of callous encounters, and of the stares cast her way when she had done nothing but simply be. Trespassing this, you're not supposed to be here that, could a woman not sit down without being chastised for it?! Bunch a' tyrants she'd come to pass.

Is there something so wrong that I wear it in my scent? On my coat? How do they see what I cannot? Is there something so rotten it seeps into every patch of earth she'd come to stand on?

She'd had no luck. None at all!

For that was all that could be relied on. She could mend the scrapes and gashes she'd earned in skirmishes, yet she found herself terribly lacking when it came to the hunger pangs, and above all else, the boredom, the mind-grating, soul-sapping boredom. Many a night she'd simply lay and thrash with upset. Were she in better condition, she could've shown each adversary a proper fight, instead, bone-thin, she'd had to resign to simply vacating each claim, with a sitfled desire to seek revenge, once she'd grown fat and healthy again.

Instead, she'd be stuck alone, again and again. Her mind ached for a home she held no love for, but it was a home, which was a far cry from what she had now.

Take me back! Take me back! I can be good!

Though they were merely words of desperation, empty, in all facets. Still, she'd wallow and whine them into the night, convincing herself more than the one's she'd directed the sentiment toward. It remained true that she could not change her nature. Nor could she change that of packmates long departed.

When whinging and moaning her words offered no comfort, she'd move to anger instead.

Cowards. Weak-minded cowards! No thought towards advancement, no understanding at all. She was helpful, better even than he who trained her! Yet they cast her away! The gall! The nerve! A hazard, they'd said. A danger just waiting to rear its head, too vicious for the rank she'd claimed. They were liars. She was not such. She could control herself, it was they who tested her, who tempted her.

Occasional words of venom would spit from her jaws as her thoughts spilled out into the empty air. Her tail thrashed as a testament to her discontentment. Though her shattered composure was distracted all too easily, with a sharp swivel of black-tipped ears would quickly snap to a low rustling, her gaze flicked to the most subtle of movement. A field mouse darting betwixt the blades of grass. She'd waste little time in exploiting the opportunity to express her tantrum physically, it always made her feel relief. An innocent little creature was the object of her ire, her outlet, though she saw little more than something that had found its rightful purpose in life, to serve her whims.

She'd toss and toy with the unfortunate rodent upon snatching it, teeth clipped just beneath the spine, enough to cripple, yet not to kill; there was method in the whelpish activity. The squeals, louder than one would expect from such a small beast, brought a flicker of delight across her expression. A sweet serenade, made just for her own depraved ears. She'd eventually tire of the game of catch, and simply set the thing down to watch it drag itself a little further....

Before a paw would slam down to drag it back closer.

Play became study. She'd tilt her crown to the side and lay onto her stomach, inching forward to watch the distressed being. Non-being. Toy. Tool. It took her mind off of hunger, at least; and did moreso than just distract. It captivated her in a way few other things could.

Could what she had inflicted ever be reversed? Those dragging hind limbs captured her attention, intrigued, and yet stumped her.

Not for you, at least. She'd remark aloud, and let her tail curl around her hide. Limbs the colour of moon-touched camelias would stretch out to prod and flit with the creature who was powerless to do much aside from let it happen.

How good it felt, to be on this end instead.

Addicting.