Blacktail Deer Plateau Angels watch me

In a way Blue supposed perhaps that she had given up hope. She had not given it up before, and had been the last to hold onto it, but this time. This time it was as if the hope had just disappeared. Perhaps it was the fact that she was tired, and she felt betrayed by Peregrine, and her head had already been in a strange place anyway. Perhaps it was the absence of her daughter, who was clearly upset with her. She should have done so many things differently, and she hadn't. It hurt like nothing had ever hurt before, and perhaps that was also a reason for her decision. Perhaps the offer to love her own children, was a much more tempting offer than to live with months, years, days of pain. Of not knowing whether he was alive or dead. Perhaps this was simply her way to move on, yet not forget him, and still be waiting for him to come home, it would be bearable with children.

To say that Blue felt bad for being a bit selfish was an understatement, though she did not regret her decision, that did not mean she had come to it lightly. She had taken her own selfish desires to light, and it hurt and it felt strange, but she figured this would be the first and last time, so she better make it count. It was strange to feel like a betrayer, while looking forward to it in a way. The end result would be wonderful and she would not trade it, not this time.

Blue smiled softly and nudged her friend gently No need to be sorry Osprey, I fully accept that some will be confused or upset. she sighed at Osprey's words a little worried herself. But isn't it selfish in a way? I'm not used to being selfish and I honestly don' t know whether to be proud of myself or hate myself.