i kissed a girl just to try it
it felt so wrong
it felt so right
[size=3]i kissed a girl and i liked it[/size]
Something was wrong but she couldn’t quite put her paw on it. It had been a few days since she’d last seen her lover. This wasn’t like her to just up and take off without at least shouting at Rivet that she was angry at her for something or another. Rivet was quite upset with this seemingly random turn of events, especially since she didn’t know what, exactly, it was that she’d done this time to apparently piss off her lover. The first night Turquoise didn’t come home, Rivet slept only lightly. But when the second and third nights came with still no sign of her lover, the ebon female didn’t sleep at all.
Having not slept for a couple of nights, Rivet felt like a walking zombie or something, and it was making her a little cranky. She had searched every inch of the pack territory during the last two days but had found neither hide nor hair of her Turquoise. Unable to locate her within the pack territory, Rivet finally decided to begin her search outside the territory.
Leaving the pack territory, she searched the areas nearest surrounding the Forest. By midday, she was exhausted. Spotting the Lake, Rivet moved to the edge and leaned her head down to drink from it. After drinking what she wanted, she moved under a tree and flopped down, dropping her head on her paws. She was upset and tired. What the hell had happened to her girlfriend?!
When she finally forced herself to step back over the pack's boundary line and seek out Rivet, she found their rendezvous site deserted. With her heart thumping wildly in her chest, Turquoise put her nose to the ground and began to track her lover's footsteps through the forest. To her surprise, they led her back beyond the borders, toward the lake southeast of Neverwinter's realm. As she followed Rivet's scent trail, Turq felt her breath hitch in her throat every so often as anxiety wrung the air from her lungs. She dreaded facing the DeMonte after what she'd done—not only for betraying her but for disappearing without a word, which was even worse in a way.
When Turquoise spotted Rivet sprawled beneath a tree near the lakeshore, she bit her lip and paused, trying to gauge her partner's mood from afar. She just looked worn out. A fresh wave of guilt swept through Turq. Why do you suck so bad? she her inner voice barked. Get on with it, it added and she lifted her stockinged feet and dragged her sorry carcass toward the sleepy-looking Rivet.
"Rivet," she said, unable to use pet names like my love or even Riv. She didn't feel like she deserved the privilege right now. "I'm sorry I went MIA. I am—I was—just... confused about something. I met this other girl in the pack and—well, nothing happened!" This critical information exploded out of her with a ragged gasp of air. "But we flirted and I—I liked it, I guess. I felt—feel—really... bad." She stopped there, her ears folding guiltily backward. She found she couldn't even look at Rivet, so she just stared at her own feet.
don’t wanna take a breath without you, babe
i don’t wanna play that part
i know that i love you, but let me just say
i don’t wanna love you in no kind of way
[size=3]i don’t want a broken heart[/size]
She was tired, beyond tired, and distressed that she couldn’t seem to locate her missing lover. It was clearly taking a toll on the darkly colored female. All she could think of was that she’d managed to end up doing or saying something wrong and that Turquoise had finally left her for good. But she’d thought things had been going fairly alright. They hadn’t really fought in a few days since they’d joined the pack, but apparently Rivet had been wrong or something. How could she not think like that? Turquoise had left her once, after all. What was to keep her from doing it again?
If it weren’t for the fact that she was as distraught as she was, Rivet very well might have fallen asleep right where she was. But her emotions were running far too strong for sleep to overtake her. This was probably for the best, though, considering that she wasn’t within the pack borders. She was considering getting up to resume her searching when the sound of her name came to her. The first thing she took notice of was that it was her full first name and not one of the pet names Turquoise usually used. Something was clearly wrong.
Lifting her head from her paws, she turned her head toward her lover with her own ears flattened against her head. Before she could say anything, though, Turquoise continued speaking. If Rivet’s ears weren’t already pinned against her head, they sure would be now. The more Turquoise spoke, the sicker to her stomach the dark female was feeling. But it was when her lover spoke of having liked flirting with some other female that Rivet lost it. She didn’t throw up, even though that’s what she felt like doing, nor did she get angry. Instead, tears began to roll down her cheeks.
She was speechless. Rivet couldn’t find a single word to say. Turning her head away, she just laid there, letting the tears roll down her cheeks, dripping onto her ebon paws.
Rivet said nothing. She started to cry, the sight of which stabbed Turquoise right through the heart. Her head fell. She felt like crying herself. Yet Turq wouldn't give in to tears. Instead, she wracked her mind for something to do, something to say, to make this right. She felt like she'd put her foot in her mouth, just blurting it out like that. She'd been honest, though; didn't that count for something? She winced, unsure.
"Rivet..." she said softly after a moment. "Please don't cry. I love you. I wouldn't feel so horrible if I didn't love you so much." Her lower lip quivered. "I just suck at self-control. I suck and I don't deserve you. Maybe we should break up." For once, it wasn't something she said angrily or impulsively. It was something she'd thought about a lot in her days away. Maybe it would be kindest to cut Rivet loose, to save her from the pain of being paired with a lover who couldn't control her temper or her libido.
don’t wanna take a breath without you, babe
i don’t wanna play that part
i know that i love you, but let me just say
i don’t wanna love you in no kind of way
[size=3]i don’t want a broken heart[/size]
She was hurt and feeling quite confused. It hadn’t been all that long ago that Turquoise had said she loved her (Rivet). So why was this happening now? Rivet actually flinched, slightly, at hearing those three words right then but it could easily have looked like a soft sob had flittered through her body. It was like her whole world was suddenly crashing down around her. This was even worse than when Turquoise had shouted at her that she needed space and had left her for those several days that they’d basically been broken up. This feeling that she was feeling… there were no words to even come close to how she was feeling. It hurt. So much it hurt.
It was Turquoise’s last sentence that caused her to finally turn her head, turn her gaze toward the woman she loved so much. “Is that what you want…?” she asked. Her voice was no louder than a mere whisper, afraid to speak any louder because she knew that her voice would break. “You say you love me and then suggest we should break up?” Rivet’s heart was breaking into many little pieces and it was not a good feeling at all. Her whole world revolved around the other female. The thought of even trying to be without Turquoise made her want to curl up and die. “Do you know…” Her voice cracked. “Do you know that I love you more than life itself? That without you, I am nothing… have nothing…” Did Turquoise really want them to break up?
Rivet's voice cracked and Turquoise could see that she would break down any moment. "Riv..." she said without thinking. "That just isn't true. You're beautiful, kind, smart, wonderful; you're everything." Turq's lips pursed. "Please don't beat yourself up because of this, because of me. I hate seeing you hurt yourself just as much as I hate seeing myself hurt you."
Turquoise lapsed into silence then, her gemstone eyes sparkling with unshed tears she refused to let brim. She tried to figure out what to say next, how to explain herself to Rivet. It didn't help that Turq didn't really understand what was going on herself. She did sense one thing: there was so much more to this issue than Turq's rather minor altercation with Daenarys. There was some bigger picture at play here...
"Love isn't a finite resource." It just sprang off her tongue, unbidden. "I think... I think..." The tawny Sigma trailed off for a second, trying to gather her wild thoughts together. "I can—and do—love you with every fiber of my being... and still want to talk to other girls." She said this in a very small voice, as if ashamed. Her black-rimmed ears flattened. "Like, polyamory, or whatever? I just know those... those aren't the terms we agreed on for our relationship." Although it took some strength, she found Rivet's eyes and held them, hers filled with guilt and sadness and love all at once.
don’t wanna take a breath without you, babe
i don’t wanna play that part
i know that i love you, but let me just say
i don’t wanna love you in no kind of way
[size=3]i don’t want a broken heart[/size]
“There is a difference between talking to other girls and flirting with other girls,” was the first thing that rolled out of her mouth because she had fallen completely silent until Turquoise had finished speaking. “I don’t care, and never have cared, that you talk to other girls. But flirting with them… that’s crossing a line that shouldn’t be crossed. Doesn’t matter if anything happened or not.” Her heart was aching at the mere thought of even remotely sharing her girlfriend with someone else, especially because Rivet, herself, didn’t want anyone else in any type of way.
Mismatched eyes shifted away from the woman she was so very much in love with as her tears continued to drip down her cheeks. “Am I not enough for you?” she asked, her voice barely above a whisper. If Turquoise really did want to break up with her, Rivet wasn’t sure that she could convince her otherwise. In that moment, Rivet actually found herself wishing that she was back home with her family in Firefly Forest. And yet, on the other hand, meeting and falling in love with Turquoise had been the greatest moment in her young life. “I don’t want to lose you…” she whimpered.