Herbalists' Cache baby, since i've been loving you

@Pema

After a tumultuous week, Shale returned to the scene of his first tryst with Pema, padding silently through the brush. The scent of their love still faintly cloaked the clearing, and he breathed it in with a sigh, settling down on his haunches. His shoulder burned something fierce; emotionally, he was exhausted. Spending time with Rae had helped, but only a little bit.

He needed her. That was clear. Every excuse, every obstacle he'd put between them, she had cast aside. She loomed large in his heart, and if she really did now carry his children, it was more than just desire--it was obligation, necessity.

Shale let out a low howl, calling for her and only her, tenor voice carrying through the trees and--he intended--to her ears. Wherever she might be, this morning. He knew his sudden disappearance had likely hurt her, and he was sorry for it. She had forgiven him for everything he'd done wrong so far, and Shale fervently hoped that she could find it within herself to give him one last chance.

He wouldn't, if he were in her place. But that was precisely why he'd warned her away from him, to begin with.

She had spent the week in the Herbalist's Cache and other areas near the pack's territory. With it being her first year of heat she wasn't sure where she should have been during her time. She knew that her scnet would be noticable to anyone near her and she didn't want to cause a sturr within the territory. But she also knew that more then likley strangers would also find her scent entising. She chose an inbetween, out of the pack territory, but close enough that if she needed to she could retreat there. Luckily she had meet with no strangers and thus had spent her week alone in peace.

Being in the cache had given her something to do, learning of all the plants in the area so she could use them for medicinal reasons if needed, but it also gave her time to think... and worry. The first few days of her heat had been spectacular. She had spent them with Shale and it had made her confident that the troubles they had had in the past was behind them.

But then, one day he was gone. She hoped that he had gone off on a hunt and would have returned shortly after, but he hadn't. Had her heat been thing only thing keeping him? And once he had a chance to leave and free himself from the smell, had he realized that it wasn't what he wanted? She thought that once they had mated everything would be curtain, but it was still very confusing and she didn't know what to think or how to feel.

With her heat now over she felt safe to return to the pack's territory. But before she could she heard a call for her, from no other then Shale. She hesitatied for a moment before seeking out to answer his call. She was dreading the idea of hearing bad news, but knew sooner or later should would have to see him again. Stepping out he came into view and at first she didn't move any closer asking him, "Where have to been?" she asked in a frendly voice and with a smile on her face, trying to hide the worry that she felt. She hadn't yet seen the wound on her shoulder.

She was close, it turned out, emerging from the brush to give him a smile. It was as if nothing had happened, that nothing was amiss. Like he'd not rolled over that morning and decided to run from what he'd done. He found himself unable to return her smile, instead padding up to her, the pain in his shoulder causing him to limp a little.

"Pema." His voice was clear but shaky, and he took a breath to steady himself. While still fragant, she was no longer wrapped in the enticing scent of heat, and--well, that was good. It meant that this decision would be made with his brains, not his balls.

"I'm sorry I left. I had to go figure some stuff out," he explained, knowing that the answer was inadequate. She deserves better. "It's been rough. And all the while, all I wanted was to come back to you. So, here I am."

You fucker, Shale. He couldn't keep stringing her along. This was the moment of decision--to take her, all of her, or leave her for some other lucky man. Perhaps if they hadn't coupled, it would be an easier choice. Maybe the drive to seek her out was no more than obligation nipping at his heels. If her belly began to swell, it would be his children inside.

But he hadn't thought about babies when he'd fucked her. He'd seen her. Only her.

She watched his feet as he stepped forward and almost out of instinct she took a step back, and she forgot to keep the pretend smile on her face. She was afraid, but she wasn't sure why or what she was afraid of. This enevitable conversation wasn't going to be pleasant to listen to and Pema unconsiously was attempting to prevent it from happening. 

But as she continued to watch his feet she could see that he was limping, causing her to look up and see the injury on her shoulder. A quick look over told her that it was infected. Did he only come find me because he needed someone to treat his shoulder? she thought.

He apologized for leaving but his reasoning seemed weak. What else was there to figure out? Hadn't what they shared been enough to convince him? And if not that, what caused him to know now that she was what he wanted? She wanted what he was saying to be true. She looked down at the ground, it was too hard to look at him. "But you didn't. You didn't come back. Not until not, not until almost a week later." she said her mind filled with frustration and confusion. Her voice gaining in volume over time. "You only did what you did because I was in heat. You didn't really care, and then you left when you were done." she said speaking to the ground almost speaking to herself as well as him.

She looked up at him now, tears starting to form in her eyes, "What was it that you needed to figure out? Are you back now because you realized that I could be pregnant?!" she said reaching the loudly with frustration, "Or was it because you needed someone to take care of your infected shoulder?" she said her voice more sad then angry. She wasn't even sure if she believed what she was saying. Her mind was racing and there were so many things that she wanted to say and know that it came out in a way she would have never expected.

There was fire from her. Good. He'd had enough of her kindness, if he was honest. So sweet, always nice to him, even though he didn't deserve it. Now she was finally letting loose at him, speaking her mind, and it was long overdue.

"Yes," he answered, then shook his head just as quickly. "No. Well--oh, damn the shoulder. That's not why I came. And as for you being pregnant, I--"

Shale heaved a long sigh, staring at her. "Do you remember the pack meeting we had, before mating season? About self-control, especially the males." He stepped closer, face insistent. "Pema, I could have smelled anybody else in heat--I did--and not come to them like I came to you. I wouldn't have touched anybody but you.

"Do I feel obligated to you, now that you might bear my children? Yes," Shale reasoned, having at least the sense to look ashamed. "But I've felt drawn to you from the start. Every time I've tried to leave you behind, I keep coming back. You don't deserve me--but I want you. Pema, I want you now--even now."

The words came fast and breathless, spilling out of his mouth like blood from a mortal wound. He felt stricken himself, delirious with the infection and the tumult of his feelings. But he stood steady, looking at her, waiting for her response. He didn't deserve her pity, nor her mercy. . .but he welcomed it. Though it may not be the last of his sins she would have to forgive, he hoped it could be.

When he agree to her statement about his shoulder she glared at him only fueling her fire, when she originally hadn't believed that was the true reason. But he was quick to correct himself, maybe because he had seen her reaction. He trailed off when he mentioned her possible pregnancy, but quickly asked her to remember the packs past meeting before breeding season had even began. 

She had remembered the meeting but didn't see how that was relivent to them. When she heard that he had been with other females during there heat her heart began to sink, but was slightly uplifted when he said that despite their heats he had only mated with her and hadn't thought of doing anything else with others. 

He admitted that he felt obligated to her now that she might be pregnant which partly proved Pema's stubborn point, but was also honest of him. It would have been easy to disagree with her but he was being honest, at least about that part. He went on to say that he did have feeling for her and how they had grow to where they were now.

Evenything he was saying sounded good to her, and she so badly wanted his words to be true. But with everything that had happened between them, how long she had waited, and all the times he denied them, it was hard to believe that now they could be together. She wanted a reason to still be angry, and not let him off the hook for what he had put her through, but her caring nature was making that difficult.

She shook her head, as though she were tying to stop the throughts in her head, the thoughts of hope that had caused her pain in the past. "Why now? Why now after everything that has happened. We have had this talk before and you pushed me away. And then you left!" She said trying to be strong. She then let out a sign, being honest as he had been. "Shale I want the things you are telling me to be true. But how do you expect me to believe you?" She asked with longing.

He felt like such an asshole. Here was this beautiful girl, standing before him, who wanted him--wanted him--and he'd treated her so poorly. The look in her eyes made his knees watery, and he ducked his head, unable to meet her gaze.

"I don't," he responded softly, rolling his shoulders in a shrug. "I don't expect you to believe me. How could I? I've not done right by you, and for that, I am sorry." Here, he finally summoned the courage to look once more at her, his body almost trembling with the effort not to blink, to flinch. "It's your choice. I'm here, now. . .I want you, now. Not just in your heat. Now."

Shale cleared his throat, feeling choked. "I won't run away again," he promised gravely. "But I'll go, I'll leave you be, if you want me to." He dug one paw idly through the dirt and leaves, looking down again. As if awaiting a death sentence.

He didn't have a good reason for why she should trust him, but he spoke genuinly. This would be her choice. In the past it had been his and he had said no to it. Not it was her turn, but would she make the same decision. He kept repeating the word now, as though it held weight, and for Pema it did.

So many times had he said they couldn't be together because of his past, but this was the present, the now, and he was finally seeing that. Though everything he said sounded perfect, it almost seemed too good to be true. She knew her next actions would cause her to have hope and thus leave her heart open to pain, but she couldn't help it.

She paused for a moment, "Dammit Shale." she said before going up to him and giving him a hug, making sure to rest her head on the non infected shoulder. She squeezed him, as though if she didn't he might slip away. "Please don't go... don't let me regret this." she said softly, almost as though she were praying.

She decided to give it a chance. Despite everything that had happened. But because of everything she would be cautious, worried and protective. Until she had reason to believe this could all be true.

Shale let out a ragged breath as she embraced him, his body, so tense a moment before, slumping with relief. He buried his nose in the thick fur of her neck, the two of them intertwined, fitting perfectly--as if it had been meant to be all along.

Well, and it had been. He'd just been too stubborn to admit it to himself.

"I won't go. I promise," he murmured into her neck, tail swaying slowly back and forth behind him. "I want you with me. I have for a long time." From the moment she'd come up to him, thinking he was Day, to right now. Those kind, soft eyes, that open face. The feelings she'd sparked within him, emotions he hadn't felt since Lucy had died.

For better or for worse, he had tethered himself to her--and he didn't want to release himself anytime soon.