Hushed Willows I crumble underneath the weight

Sif wandered through the cave system for what seemed like forever. At one point, she grew scared that she would never see the light of day again, and her breathing quickened as panic settled in her chest. She almost collapsed in relief when the light of the moon bounced off the rocks a short distance in front of her, and she sprinted towards the opening, sucking in gulps of air once she was outside the caverns once more.

Once she settled a bit, she took a look around, noticing how high up she was and scooted back from the edge of the cliff a little. She could hear the fast falling water from the falls somewhere in the distance. Her golenrod gaze was drawn to the sky, and she could see stars peaking through the clouds occasionally. The stars that had once held joy for her now held only sorrow, and she had to look away as tears formed in her eyes.

She kept to the outer edges of the cave system. It reminded her too much of Broken Boulder, of the sickness, that foul piss-stench, Eris. . . It was too much. If she needed to suddenly escape the demons of her past, she needed the quickest route possible. And it seemed, as she saw the shape flit by as she lay half-sleeping, that others felt the same way.

Lily followed at a distance, chuffing and breaking into a slow trot as the newcomer came to a halt. Hallo, she said, once she was close enough to be heard. I don't think we've met, yet. I'm Lily. She watched the girl in contemplative fashion, not yet noticing the tears brimming in her gaze. Can't sleep? she asked gently.

The chuff made her jump a little, and she quickly tried to compose herself before turning to greet the other woman, although she probably did a poor job hiding her sorrow. She sniffled a little, gaze trained on the ground, body tensing as she tried to make herself smaller than she already was. No we haven't, she finally said never lifting her eyes. I'm Sif. I'm...new here. Her heart raced a little for some unknown reason, something that had been happening recently. 

She looked back at the sky before focusing on the ground again. I don't sleep much. Too much sleep meant nightmares; if she waited until she was exhausted to finally pass out, then she usually got a few hours of dreamless sleep--finally some relief.

The sniffle caught her attention, and if that wasn't enough, the admittance to insomnia cemented it. Something was bothering Sif. Lily's eyes glowed like a hearth as she stared at the newcomer, ears pushed forward and friendly.

I'm sorry to hear that, love, she murmured, remembering Khali's struggles with sleep, not to mention her own. Nightmares so bad you deprived yourself of a necessity for life. . . She wouldn't wish it on her worst enemy. What's on your mind? You don't have to tell me everything, if you don't want, but I'd be happy to listen.

She sat down slowly, the gentle smile still painting her muzzle.

Sif remained silent, struggling to understand how everyone was so nice here. It was not what she was used to. Her parents were always less than impressed with her and never kept it a secret. It was part of the reason Sol had talked her into leaving with him. The memory of her brother caused tears to roll down her cheeks once more, and she wondered when that would stop happening.

Collecting herself yet again, she sighed a little, sniffling afterwards. She was sort of frozen with indecision; she wanted to answer the nice woman with the kind face, but she was afraid of what might happen if she tried to tell her what was slowly and painfully destroying her soul. Finally, she drew in a steadying breath, and with her gaze still fixed on the ground, she began to speak in shaky voice. My brother...is...gone, she managed to get out, the last word accompanied by a silent sob. She began to cry again, the tears falling thick and fast down her face. She drew in a few quick, staccato breaths followed by more tears. She couldn't stop them--she never could. Finally she slumped to the ground under the wait of her grief, resting her head on her front paws as the tears continued.

Oh, the poor thing. She was just barely holding it all together. It reminded Lily of Korei struggling with the memory of her dead sister, and while the thought of her old friend gave the blackbird a pang, this was the more immediate concern. She laid down next to Sif, resting her nose atop the girl's head, if she would allow.

It'll be all right, darling, Lily whispered, thinking of her own brother, who had been lost to her for so long. He can't be gone forever, surely? No one is ever gone forever. She made gentle noises under her breath, like the wind through spring leaves, tail curving 'round Sif's haunches in a feather-light embrace. It's okay to cry. Get it all out.

She was surprised at how comforting the embrace was and slowly, her tears began to subside. She sniffled a little, listening to the other woman's soothing words and wondering of she could ever feel that way about it. Right now, she had a gaping hole on her chest, and it was hard to see it that way. She would never see him again. He was dead. She wanted to say all of these things, but she was afraid she would melt into a puddle of tears again. Instead, she just nodded and finally turned her bleary gaze to her kind packmate. Th--thank you, she managed to get out between sniffles.

No bother at all, she murmured kindly, pressing her muzzle against the girl's shoulder. I'm happy to listen. It feels good, doesn't it, to get everything off your chest? She knew she always felt better after a good bout of emotion--whether that be sobbing uncontrollably or angrily stomping about. Better out in the open then bottled up inside.

Come to think of it, it had been a while since she had done any venting herself. She supposed there wasn't much to vent about, lately. Lily knew that made her incredibly lucky, but she didn't hold her breath--she knew misfortune could be lurking just in the shadows, ready to turn her life inside out.

Realizing her mistake, she quickly lowered her gaze, listening quietly to the nice woman's soothing words. She nodded. Yes, she replied softly, and she was surprised to realize that she actually did feel a little better confiding in someone. It was as if some of the heavy weight that had been sitting on her chest like a boulder had lightened just a little. Sif wondered how long it would last; surely she wouldn't be allowed any form of relief for very long. This was all her fault, and she deserved to whatever grief and guilt accompanied it. She attempted to wipe the wetness from her cheek fur with her wrists before taking a deep, steadying breath. Exhaustion suddenly came over her like a wave, and she yawned. Um, if I sleep here, will you stay for a little bit? she asked hesitantly, eyes still trained to her feet. She wasn't sure she'd make it back to her den before passing out, and she would feel better Lily were here. She knew it was a lot to ask, but she still hoped the answer would be yes.

Lily smiled at the question, nodding. Of course I will, she said softly. It'll be fun--like a sleepover. Ah, sleepovers. Like when her cousins from the neighboring territory came to stay, and they'd be up all night, chatting under the stars. She had a feeling that Sif would be in dreamland soon. . .but it brought back the memories, at least, and lit a small, warm fire in her heart.

It'll all be okay, the blackbird whispered, curling herself closer to the girl. Time heals all wounds, even the deepest. The evening breeze, scented with salt, rippled through their pelts, and the faintest moonbeams made their way through the lacy canopy of the willows. Time, and a good place. And wolves that loved you.

Relief forced the last bit of tension from her body when Lily agreed to stay here while she slept. She smiled a little at the sleepover comment, leaning further into the nice wolf as she whispered soothing words. She didn't know what that was actually like since she had never experienced one, but this seemed like a good first sleepover. Sif's eyelids began to droop, feeling too heavy to keep open. Time heals all wounds, even the deepest--she heard the words but couldn't really process them as her brain grew fuzzy and things became muddled in the switch from being awake to unconsciousness. She was out after that, falling into the darkness of sleep, dreaming of bears and raging rivers and nice wolves with gentle words.