Swiftcurrent Creek No more hiding

@Kavik going to say she's been avoiding basically everyone except Maman and Polaris

Seeing Helios had made her heart hurt and she shuffled around the territory, sulking and battling nasty thoughts that rose and swam around her head. She had missed her brother and sister, she had wanted them safe more than anything but now that they were here she was so angry and so hurt by their disappearance. She wanted to scream at Zephyr whenever she saw her, she wanted to tackle her to the ground and beat her up so bad.....and the thoughts scared her. She truly didn't  want to hurt her sister, she was just....she felt betrayed by the cowardly way Zephyr had run away and she was so mad that she had dragged Helios away too. She paused and lunged at a broken branch that was on the ground, biting it and shaking her head violently and releasing her emotions in a scream that was equal parts rage and equal parts hurt. As her jaws cracked the wood and splinters went into her gums, she dropped the stick and sniffled as her eyes teared up and her tongue swiping the sore spots on her lips and gums.

He hadn't fooled himself into thinking that things would magically go back to normal once Zephyr and Helios returned home. There had still been a lot of damage done to the entire family, the older children most of all. Even he found himself finding it hard to move past just how difficult the last few weeks had been. In addition to that, he now worried constantly about how his formerly missing son and daughter would integrate back into the pack given everything that had happened. He didn't expect anyone to act like nothing happened. But he also wanted Helios and Zephyr to still feel welcome in their home, and since he couldn't be with them every second, it was hard for him to be sure of that.

He was lost in his worried thoughts as he made his way to the borders, hoping that patrolling would take his mind off his grumbling, empty stomach. But Lainie's scent nearby made him stop. She had been avoiding him lately, and he hadn't pressed her on it, wanting to give her space to deal with things if that was what she wanted. But, she was close by now, and he couldn't resist the urge to check on her. 

Kavik found her sniffling over a stick, her scent tainted with blood and tears. Concern twisted his face as he made his way to her. Lainie? he said gently. What's wrong? The question came as he settled at her side and softly touched his nose to her cheek. Tears from his children tore at his soul like nothing else could.

He appeared when she needed him most, her papa, the one she looked up to most. She blinked wide eyed as he came closer and at his comforting touch she just leaned in and buried her face into his fur. It seemed like she hadn't seen him in months or years when she had only been hiding away for a few weeks time and the hug caused a slow warmth to spread through her body relaxing her. "Papa....I am so mad at Helios and Zephyr. I want to...to just do something to make them understand how angry I am. But...but I don't want that. I'm happy they're home too and its frustrating to have so much mixed feelings" she had more to say, but how did she tell her father that she was scared of her sister or that she wanted to constantly be around Soter and Morena so that Zephyr couldn't get near them?

Within seconds, she pressed herself into him, pushing her face into his fur. Kavik lowered his head and nuzzled the back of her head, waiting quietly for her to answer his question. When she did finally speak, her words hurt his heart. He wished he could have shielded her from this; it was something he had wished for over and over again for all of his children, but it didn't change anything, and he didn't expect it to. It was just a father's overwhelming need to protect his children from anything bad. He knew that was impossible. 

It's okay to feel that way, he started. It's confusing for everyone. How could it not be? Helios and Zephyr made some mistakes, but we all do that sometimes. What Zephyr did was terrible,  but Kavik believed it had all been just an accident. I understand why you're still upset, though. Sometimes, it just takes some time to forgive, and that's okay.

She had been comforted by his words, they had seemed so wise. Her tears dried and she sniffled, about to pull away and offer a watery smile before he called what Zephyr did a mistake. The night played again in her mind and a violent shiver ran down her spine as she pulled away and looked him in the eye, voice quivering as she murmured "I saw it papa" her eyes fell to the ground and she sagged, as if weighed down by the memory. "I had followed to play a prank on Zephyr. I saw her...k...kill the baby. I heard Maman screaming and ran away like a coward. What Zephy did....what I did and continued doing, it wasn't a mistake and it doesn't feel forgivable!" she sounded like a stubborn, petulant child as she stomped her paw and turned away her fur bristling. She was more upset at her own confession, her own unforgiveable sin of being a coward, acting like a baby when she needed to help Maman or stop Zephyr.


She took a breath and flicked her ears, shaking her head "It's okay to be soft when needed. It's not okay to be weak. Ever." she remembered how Polaris had once told her that crying and being sad was okay, that Papa felt it too sometimes. That wasnt weakness, what she had done and what Zephyr did in running away was. It was cowardice, the biggest form of weakness though she only knew it was being simply weak.

His heart dropped into his chest at her retelling of that awful day. He didn't like to think about it much as it held so many layers of grief and confusion, so to hear it recounted by his daughter was too much. His face twisted in despair. Sweatheart, he murmured, holding her tight against him once more. I'm sorry you have had to deal with so much, he added a second later. That is a lot for anyone to handle, even me and your mothers. Clearly, he hadn't handled things properly, and Lainie had been suffering alone right under his nose. He wished she had come to him with this. He wished he had pushed her more to open up to him instead of stupidly giving her space. Now she was tormented by what she saw, and he wasn't sure how to help her; he couldn't even help himself from his own torment.

Her next words worried him greatly. Everyone has weaknesses, Lainie. Everyone. And we all succumb to them at times; there's no avoiding it. He looked down, hoping to meet her gaze. And that doesn't mean we're any less because of it. His expression softened some. But what you've been dealing with is different. Anyone would have trouble with that, and you are not weak because of it. He needed her to understand that now before this did anymore damage to her kind, inquisitive nature.

She pressed her face so deeply into his chest that she could feel the thrumming of his heart against her skin. She could hear the beating and closed her eyes letting it comfort her. Everything felt better slowly even as he apologized and admitted that it was hard for everyone which meant him and Momma and Maman. She slowly opened her eyes and began to peel herself away from his chest and peer up at him as he explained everyone had weaknesses. She gawked with disbelief and her ears rose as if she considered it for a moment "Then why do you always seem so strong and ready to care for us all the time? How can you? How do you not get scared? Or run away? Or cower?" She battled off the questions in a accusing tone as if she didn't believe him because to her he was the strongest wolf she knew and he showed no signs of weakness that she had ever seen.

He held her close for as long as she wanted, needing to soothe her distress just as much as she needed to be soothed. He hated that she was hurting and that he couldn't really do much about it.

If only she knew how flawed he really was—how much weakness he had to fight every day. As for being afraid: Lainie, I get scared all the time. I'm constantly afraid something will happen to you, or your brothers and sisters, or your mothers. it was a fear that plagued him more than was probably healthy or normal. Wanting to run from the things that scare us is natural; resisting that reaction just comes with time and practice, as well as learning how to tell when you should run. he paused and then nuzzled her cheek. And I think you've been pretty brave with all of this, he added. She was still here wasn't she? Trying her best to process and deal with a situation no one should ever have to experience. It made him proud.

Lainie wanted to point out that he was scared for them and she was scared of everything lately but she kind of grasped what he meant even despite the difference. She would have to learn to stand strong and be brave to face her fears which was how he did it. He was able to keep them all together, to keep an eye on them as the Alpha which was how she figured he was able to face his fears. "I want to learn papa. I want to learn to be strong" she said her tail beginning to sway. She may be a scaredy cat now but she wouldn't be forever, that was something she had her heart set on!

Going to wrap this up <3

You're already strong, sweetheart, he softly assured her, reaching down to embrace her. With all that she had been through already, she had to be strong to still be here and still be his sweet Lainie. After a few moments, he pulled his back a little and carefully got to his feet. Come on, let's go on a patrol, he suggested. It sounded like they could both use something to take their mind off things. We can talk about whatever you want, and I'll show you my other patrol route. He knew she was interested in learning about how he protected the pack, and he thought this might also help her to feel like she was as strong as he already knew she was. He smile and softly nudged her cheek and then looked at her expectantly, ready to head to the borders once she was at his side.