Blacktail Deer Plateau It's dark it's cold it's winter

Junior stood at the plateau's edge, watching her father and Lasher down below. They appeared to be reconciling, which made her feel heartsick. After a few moments, she turned away and loped deeper into the forest. She tried to tell herself she didn't give a shit that her father had not bothered to check in with his own offspring. Yet tears blurred her vision and by the time she reached the old whelping den, they were streaming down her face even as great, hiccuping sobs wrenched loose from her chest.

She wasn't really aware of what she was doing. Abstractly searching for some sort of relief or release from the pain, she sought out a withering rosebush. There were no blossoms on it at this time of year yet the tangled brambles were still adorned with their thorns. Weeping loudly, Junior purposefully began lacerating her forelegs. There was something satisfying about the bloody cuts and the self-destruction she wrought upon herself.

By the time she stopped, too weary to continue, her legs were nothing but a bloody mess. Crying more softly but no less vehemently now, she curled into a ball, stuffing her mutilated legs beneath herself. They stung and throbbed, and all the while Junior thought viciously, Look what you made me do, dad. Look what you made me do!

It was with a strange mind that Blue left the den and where Finley lay to go about the borders. There was a restlessness within her bones and the fact that she was trying to stay hidden from all but Lasher was part of it. She had not spoken to the children yet of her plans, not able to find them all of them being busy. She wanted to speak with them though tell them herself, she did not want them to feel she was leaving them out. Not that it really would even concern them, they still had a right to know.

As blue walked a strange noise assaulted her ears and she veered towards it and the smell of blood and dirt met her nose and she rushed forward panic in her mind. What was happening. She came across Junior sobbing piteously she could not as of yet see her wounds. Junior? She spoke softly and tried to get close to the girl to see if she was wounded. What's a matter?

She should have known that her crying, not to mention the scent of blood, would call attention to herself. When Blue Willow appeared, Junior startled and shrank away from her aunt, hiccuping before falling suddenly silent. She tucked her legs even tighter beneath her breastbone, unwilling to reveal the damage she'd done. She felt her cheeks flame with sudden shame.

"Nothing. I'm fine," she mumbled, unable to meet the Healer's eyes. Junior sniffled. She tried to come up with an explanation for her crying fit but simply couldn't. Red-rimmed, watery eyes reluctantly lifted and she murmured, "I... really don't want to talk about it right now."

It broke Blue's heart to see her adopted niece so pitiful. She was alarmed when the girl shrunk away from her. The smell of blood was tangible and Blue was absolutely scared to death that the girl was hurt badly. She couldn't see though and it drove her mad with worry.

The girl spoke finally and lied to the healer's face ,she could tell. But she kept her mouth shut, it was hard to counter, the emotions of those not yet fully grown. She did not wish to upset her further. Blue smiled sadly and nodded well then we don't have to talk if you don't want too. But at least let me sit with you. Blue sat down near the girl, if that gesture was welcomed she'd work her way around to lay against her, offer her own warmth to the princess of the plateau.

Although the youth didn't want to discuss her self-mutilation, she actually welcomed the Healer's presence. "Yeah," she said in a quiet, raspy voice, "you can sit with me." When Blue Willow lowered herself, Junior hesitated briefly but then snuggled up against her aunt like a small child, still keeping her lacerated legs out of sight.

For a long time, the juvenile said nothing and made no noise, though tears continued to flow freely from her mismatched eyes, dampening Blue Willow's fur. She felt embarrassed but knew that the medic at least wouldn't judge her. She hoped the same would be true should she, in time, reveal her injuries to the Healer.

"I just miss everyone," she blurted softly. "Why don't my parents visit me? Where are Ty and Pura? I feel like nobody gives a shit." Junior couldn't stifle a sob. "I mean, I know you care... and Saēna and Dante and everybody else here. But why did most of my family just abandon me? I don't understand. Is it because I'm an ugly horror show? Are they ashamed of me?"

Blue ran pink tongue across the child's brow, in an attempt to soothe and calm. Blue enjoyed the girls snuggles, it had been far too long since a child snuggled with her. Though Junior was far from child, but not yet grown.

Willow did not mind the dampness of her fur. She wished she could some how fix all the girls troubles, all her problems. Just take them and ball them up and discard them away from all, so that she could be healthy and happy and have no problems.

Blue froze in her ministrations and then spoke softly, but forcebly in her belief. No way Junior. You are beautiful and if others can't see that it is their loss, truly. As for your family, at the moment your father is clearly thinking with the wrong area of his anatomy and I'm not sure where Ty or Pura are, I hope wherever they are they are safe. Pura was not made for pack life I don't believe Junior, he can't help it. As for Ty I think she will come back in time. She grew quiet and started preening the girl beside her again as her thoughts swam about. Your mother couldn't stay here while Fox was here, and I don't believe she even knows that your father and his mate left. No one is ashamed of you Junior and if they are, they are fools. You are a daughter, sister and a friend to be proud of and it is only fools that cannot see it.

Junior was beginning to hate these superficial reassurances, though she said not a word in reply, letting her aunt speak her piece. Blue Willow's words did make her feel a bit better, though did nothing to stem the flood of tears. Would they keep flowing forever, she wondered, until she shriveled up and died from dehydration? Was that even possible? She considered asking the Healer.

Instead, the juvenile said, "Thanks, Aunt Willow." Although she was still nowhere near ready to reveal her self-inflicted wounds, she revealed, "I got upset 'cause I just saw my dad and Lasher talking just beyond the plateau. He was here and he didn't even try to see me. He just came to see Finley and then hurry home to that stupid life-ruining bitch." These last few words came out of her in a vehement burst and led into a fresh bout of tears, now of the angry sort.

Blue knew that her words probably didn't help all that much. But what else could she do, save go running after Peregrine and make him say hello to his daughter. She was actually very disappointed in her friends lack of judgement where his children were concerned. It upset her greatly, she knew that he did not mean to harm them, but he had anyway and it bothered her.

Blue shook her head Ah I didn't know he didn't see you. Your father owes lasher an apology, perhaps that is what he is doing. Oh Junior I know you do not like Fox, but...you know what never mind Junior tonight you may say as you please. Blue did not wish to fight with Junior and maybe if the child got her angry words out, she would calm down. She licked her head again and hummed softly trying to soothe all the pain that was apparent in the air.She did change a lot of things. that was all blue was willing to say against fox.

"Dad owes a shitload of people an apology," Junior replied tearfully and more than a little sullenly. When Blue Willow didn't reprimand her for badmouthing Fox, Junior finally felt legitimately cheered. The tears even began to slow. "I don't have much more to say about her. I just hate her. I hope she dies so dad comes back," she said, trailing off into a solemn silence.

A moment later, she admitted, "I do want him back, even if I want to punch him in the dick for being such a crapass dad." She looked into Blue Willow's face, tears wobbling on her lower lids. "Isn't that weird, that I'd still want him back even though he doesn't even want anything to do with me? Am I some sort of... masochist or something?"

That word stuck in her head. Masochist. She couldn't remember where she'd first heard it but she suddenly realized that that was exactly what she was. She almost drew her legs out to look at them, then Junior remembered herself and kept them hidden. There's something really wrong with me, she thought dimly.

Blue smiled grimly, Yes I suppose he does, but I think that he trying to get all those he owes an apology too, it's just taking some time. He also is still in love with Lasher. She said the last part quietly, it did not bother her that Peregrine loved Lasher or even that Lasher loved him. Theirs was a parent partnership, they were not mates in the sense of mates. Blue tilted her head and spoke softly I don't wish she would die, but I suppose a part of me wishes she had not met your father. However, at the same time I am glad he is happy.

Blue thought about the question and it was not weird that she wanted her father. Who didn't want their father really. No it is not weird he is still your father even if you are upset with him. As for Masochist, you are only one of them if you get pleasure from pain. Blue would always want her father no matter what, even now she wanted him to tell her what to do, how to help Junior and how to get through the life she was living.

"I don't think he's truly happy," Junior grumbled under her breath. "I think he thinks he's happy but he's just a puppet now and Fox is his puppet master." She sighed forcefully, leaving it at that.

"I definitely don't enjoy pain," she murmured thoughtfully, finding the tears had finally, finally stopped. "Hurting this much sucks so bad. I just want to be happy. I can't remember the last time I actually was, though." That thought depressed her.

"I'm so cold," she said in the next breath, shuffling even closer to Blue Willow. "I'm sorry I'm unloading all of this on you, Aunt Willow. I kind of wish you were my mother." With a quiet sigh, she let her chin fall onto the medic's forelegs, her eyes slowly drifting shut.

Regardless of what was said a small chuckle came forth from Blue at the wild statement. She had thought the same statement in a manner of speaking before this. So it was with surprise that she heard the youth state it.

Oh Junior. Blue nuzzled the girl as gently as she could, the tangent smell of blood was still in the air, but not as much as it had been. She soothed the girl as best she knew how.

It's okay Junior. Blue accepted the compliment and she lay her own head across the back of the half grown woman in front of her. Speaking softly in a whisper, You would make me a wonderful daughter Junior. She didn't expect the girl to hear her, lost to the world of the conscious as she was, but she wanted to pay back a compliment in kind.