Duskfire Glacier come on, dark star

The ice was cool underfoot.

She welcomed it, always.

Her wanderings had led her astray again in search of a way to patch the gaping wound in her heart, but nothing had come. Not even the spirits had made themselves known. Had they too shunned her? It was a bitter pill to swallow and one she was not willing to accept easily despite how her jaded body wished to.

Beneath the waning moon, Ulloriaq released a puff of breath from her nose and watched the snow melt beneath her feet.

Sedna had not abandoned her yet.

South. It was everywhere she loathed to be. There were mountains here, glaciers even, but they were small compared to their northern cousins. Nothing about this land excited her, except for one thing.

The shape of a wolf stood near in the snow and Taqtara's lip curled in anticipation.

Her scent was unmistakable.

"Tulugak!" A roar erupted over the glacier as the mercenary charged towards her kin, teeth outstretched as they reached to find purchase on the ravengirl's shoulder.

A battle cry stirred her from her thoughts. She recognised that voice - could it be-?

Head whipping to face the owner, wide meltwater eyes settled on a bristling grey shape. 

"Taq-!" she did not have time to finish her sentence, nor react in any meaningful way, before her sister collided with her unguarded shoulder. The force of the blow was immense and Ulloriaq was quick to let her body go limp in confusion as she was sent spinning into the snow.

Red oozed from her shoulder and turned the glacier a shade of pretty pink.

Heaving onto her side, she gazed in disbelief at the woman who stood before her. "It- it's you! Taqtara, it's me! Tulugak!" Pleading, there had to be some kind of mistake, right?

Why was she hurting her?

A rippling growl accompanied the sinking of teeth into pale flesh until she tasted a familiar copper tang. Many nights had she envisioned this exact scenario in her head, had felt the lifeblood drain from her kin. Her throat was open - it would be easy. Her jaws clamped harder until her vision swam with tears. 

She could not do it.

Pulling back with a shaky breath, her large paws were quick to unbalance her sister until she lay at her feet. If Tulugak had noticed her hesitation, she made no move to act on it.

She was weak, pathetic. Just like you. 

"Why do you not fight, sister?" 

Why do you not fight?

Her question was met with an incredulous gasp. Was she serious? What kind of sister would harm one of their own? It went against everything she had ever known, and yet the facts remained clear - Taqtara had hurt her. 

What kind of sister had she become?

"I- I have no reason." The truth was simple, would she understand? Sunshine eyes bore into hers and she crumbled there and then upon the snow. "I - we - thought you were dead. Taqtara, we waited for you to come back. To say goodbye to them before we-" Before they pushed their death rafts out to sea.

"I don't understand- what have I done to anger you? Please, tell me!" 

Her voice whined like mosquitos. 

Somewhere, someway along the line of separation, grief had burned to a low fire of hatred for her bloodsister. The admittance of defeat drew a sneer from the red-stained mouth of the glacierwoman. She should never had let her expectations cloud the judgement of what truly lay before her.

"You are lying!" spittle arced from her furious words, Tulugak's tears only angering her further. Who was she to claim her return, that they had waited for her?

Guilt bloomed in her chest but she shoved it down with a heavy heart. "You never came back for us."

"I watched him die, sister. Anaa too. And you were not there. That is what angers me." 

"Sister!"

One bloodied paw reached up as if to caress Taqtara's cheek, though she paused before it could make contact. "I would not lie about such a thing!" her voiced raised, ears pinned as the true motive behind the glacierwoman's actions came to light. 

It stung to hear that Taqtara had been there to witness the deaths of their parents. Had Illuliaq too? She wished to ask, and yet it stung even more to learn what her sister's hatred stemmed from. "Believe me, I wanted to return sooner. I regret it to this very night that I could not have been there to hold you, but there is so much you do not understand."

"Please, sit with me," she begged. "Please."  Her eyes held hers; please, Sedna, help her understand. If she could not have been a shoulder to cry on back then, she would try to be that now.

Taqtara's breaths heaved with the rise and fall of her chest, watching silently as a paw raised to meet her face. She brushed it away with a brisk movement of her leg as her face settled into a pained scowl.

"You would not beg this much if it were not true," she spat. As her rage cooled from a roaring river to more of a bubbling stream, it became increasingly clear that her conclusions had been made in haste - though she was loath to admit it, especially to Tulugak. "I believe you, sister, but do not pretend to care so much."

The glacierwoman was long past needing comfort. She had found an outlet for her grief in warring for the mountain wolves, and what she really needed now was the truth.

Stiffly, she came to sit besides Tulugak, gaze resting glumly on the pink snow. "Tell me, what was more important to you than your own village?"

"But I do care, Taqtara. I do."

Suddenly, she did not care that her sister had hurt her. She did not care that she was angry and, quite possibly, despised her for what had happened. All that occupied her mind as she watched her come beside her was relief that the glacierwoman was alive. 

With some hesitation, she leaned into the soft furs of Taqtara's side, feeling blood stick and mingle where white met grey. The moment stretched on for centuries before, deflated, she felt her sister pull away.

She sighed greatly before she recounted the story of Moonsong, Ariadne and Dutch, and the messenger boy. "They were like family to me - I could not leave them sooner." Gods, she deserved this, didn't she? All this hurt, Taqtara might as well finish what she started.

"It's all my fault, I- I'm so sorry."

It was odd to feel the touch of something so gentle. Taqtara wasn't quite sure what to make of it, though in a way it was reminiscent of times long passed. Being cradled in her anaa's arms, nestled against her sisters in the warmth of the iglu - she let her eyes flutter closed for a moment as she reminisced.

But reminiscing would not bring back what was lost.

Shrinking away from her sister, she fell into an uncomfortable silence as she listened to Tulugak's retelling of events. Family meant little to her now and she had no attachment to the mountain clan anymore; it was difficult to relate to the story though she could sense the ravenwoman's sincerity.

"Quit your crying, it will not bring them back from the dead." And, quite frankly, Taqtara did not want to hear any more selfish excuses. "What will you do now?"

For a rare moment, Ulloriaq did not know what to say. 

While she had not exactly been expecting sympathy, she had hoped the story would quell a little of the glacierwoman's anger. Instead, she might well have been talking to a brick wall. It did not change the guilt and self-hate she felt though, and Taqtara's words hung heavy in the air as a reminder of it.

They were dead, and it was her fault.

She struggled to find an answer to the question posed, for what purpose did she have now? "I... I do not know, truthfully. Sedna - she has always guided my travels. But I admit, her voice has been rather quiet as of late." 

"She has always been quiet to me," she shrugged, regarding her sister with narrowed eyes. Always the most spiritual of the three, Taqtara had not hidden her jealousy at the time of picking their spirit paths. The raven had looked favourably upon Tulugak; selfishly she hoped the bear would call to her but it had not. 

When the prey had not returned, she had found her confidence waning and over time, Taqtara had discarded most of the old gods for favour of relying more upon herself. However, this seemed important to Tulugak - Taqtara shuffled her paws as she searched for something more profound to say. 

"Maybe it is time to look elsewhere for guidance. If Sedna speaks to you no longer, perhaps there is something inside of you that speaks instead." 

Her sister's disconnect from the spirits was something Ulloriaq was keenly aware of. Often, she wondered how Taqtara was able to live her life so... alone. Yutu had disappeared some time ago, and though she had missed his company, it had been a comfort to know that other spirits still spoke to her.

Now, she felt isolated too. Resentment bubbled for her sister. With only herself for company, Ulloriaq simply didn't know where to start. As she pondered this, another, more sinister thought crossed her mind.

If Taqtara had not been driven by otherworldly powers, then-?

"What speaks to you, sister?" Then, more serious. "What does it say - about me?"

Taqtara felt her stomach drop.

The ravenwoman must have known by now, surely? She must have felt it in the the blood that seeped still from her shoulder, in the rage of her words that now seemed so distant amidst the silent snow of the glacier.

Nothing real or unreal had given her direction, it had been all her own doing. When she finally answered, her voice had lost all harshness and reached barely above a whisper.

"I wanted to kill you. I think- part of me still does." 

Slowly, Ulloriaq found clarity where confusion and disbelief had once clouded her mind. Taqtara had attacked to kill. To end her life. 

Throat tight, her eyes threatened to spill with tears once again. She knew she deserved it, but Taqtara had not been able to - why?

Why? Why?

Through the eyes of her heart she saw warmth inside of her glacial sister. It glowed dully beneath a blanket of rage, but it was there. Perhaps, Ulloriaq could make it latch, could nurture it back to health...

Jadedness returned; she would say no more lest the fear return. "Let us find a place to sleep the night," her voice was thin and tired as she struggled to her feet.

Whatever glimmer of connection Taqtara had felt towards her sister faded just as quickly as it had come. 

As silence hung heavy in the air, she wished to say more, to explain her actions in a way that would shift the blame onto anything but herself. But she knew that would be a lie. 

"Tulugak-" She had half expected her sister to run off and leave her where she stood, but somehow this felt worse. As Tulugak stumbled towards a shallow cave, Taqtara followed awkwardly behind as the two settled uncomfortably on the stone floor.

Once she was certain the ravenwoman was asleep, she slunk out to bed down in the snow at the cave's entrance.