Hushed Willows who even *is* galileo?

Looking for @Brilliance or @Mali (or both!)

She had been in a funk since her quarrel with Mali at the borders. It was beginning to affect her other duties, and her health, too. She was sleeping poorly, and when she did slip into dreams, they were horrid. She barely had any appetite at all. Patrolling didn't seem all that exciting, anymore.

Lily knew it wasn't Mali. It was everything. There was a certain feeling in the air, something she couldn't name. It was coming. She was growing closer and closer to Khali with every passing day, and soon, motherhood was a topic she would not be able to avoid.

Of course, she could choose to not have pups. But she wanted them, truly. She just didn't know if she was ready. She wanted to be ready, to be a good mother, like her own had been. And Mali had shaken any faith she had in that notion.

It wasn't their fault. Today, she sought one or both of them out, hoping to talk. She didn't want to make the mistake of ignoring them again. Everyone else had shut them out, whether by choice or by circumstance. Their entire lives had been marked with upheaval. They needed a friend, someone they could trust. Someone they knew wouldn't disappear.

They needed a mother. And Lily needed desperately to mother. A trial run, if you will.

brilliance often sits either extremely angry or extremely sad but most of the time she sits somewhere in the middle, a numbing feeling that with the right fuel will send her spiraling in one direction or the other. if left alone, she can exist comfortingly in not feeling anything because it’s better and less exhausting than the alternatives.
 
she’d eaten something that morning she found near the river but it doesn’t sit well with her a few hours later, throwing up what looks like half of it beneath the willow. she stares at it for a few seconds before covering it up with snow, like she does most of the time (or sticks and weeds or anything she can get to hide it) before moving on and washing her mouth out.
 
on the way to the waterfall, she spots one of the other leaders—willy, she thinks, and laughs a little to herself—but pays her little attention. not knowing she’s searching for her, brilliance keeps on trucking.

There went one of them--Brilliance, the speckled girl, looking a little the worse for wear. Lily called out her name, trotting after her and catching her up quickly. She smiled down at the child, though knowing that the expression might just contribute to the sour mood Delight's pups had been in for moons. It was all she had, though.

I was looking for you, Lily remarked, padding alongside her. She found a shaded, secluded spot between two willows, their roots entangled and knotted together, and motioned for Brilliance to follow. The blackbird settled in, waiting for the girl to join her--if she would. She supposed she couldn't make her do anything. . .

But wasn't that what motherhood was?

lily calls her name and she acknowledges it only with a flick of the ear while the rest of her pretends she didn’t hear it. when she closes the distance, announces she was looking for her, brilliance slows a little and turns to look at her. “why?” she asks, watching as the dark woman turns and picks a spot to invite her into. both ears fall back against her head and she stands there, watching.

It's okay, Lily said when the girl hesitated, reminded suddenly of Qilaq. So broken, so scared. . . Her eyes were soft as she stared at Brilliance. I want to get to know you better. I realized the other day that I've not spent much time with you and Mali and. . . Solomon. Her heart hurt to think of the lost pup.

But I want to change that, the Satori recovered, albeit a bit clumsily. I can't fix the past, but I can be a friend from here on out. She motioned to the spot beside her between the trees, just enough distance away that Brilliance wouldn't feel uncomfortable, but close enough to hear her hushed tones. Will you sit with me?

she blinks a few times, listening to the reasoning behind the words. her memories of the boulder are jumbled at best. lily is there, but she doesn’t really remember why and has shuffled her off to olive and seabreeze’s side since everything happened all at once.
 
lily gestures the spot again and he glances down, debating whether or not to sit down. her mouth tastes like acid, still, and she licks at her lips as she glances over her shoulder. brilliance takes a few steps forward and sits down. not quite in the spot instructed but… close enough. “what did seabreeze tell you?”

Well, it was good enough for now. Lily beamed, only to be completely taken aback at the girl's question. Seabreeze didn't tell me anything, she said softly, brow furrowing as she tried to work that one out. Not about you, at least. Or your brother, or your father. . .

She fixed Brilliance with a curious stare, head tilted slightly. What am I supposed to have been told? she inquired. This threw a wrench into the entire conversation she had planned, but perhaps that was good. Shake things up a bit, get it moving. She would rather hear what Brilliance had been thinking, anyway, rather than spew her own feelings on the situation.

there isn’t anything seabreeze could have said to lily, really. she’d be more concerned if she’d spoken to mali and told him she was even nice to her. but if seabreeze didn’t talk about her to lily, then maybe she’s not too bad but the timing of lily’s niceness seems weirdly placed, too, and brilliance remains reluctant to voice any uncertainty.
 
“nothing,” she says, and looks away with a shake of her head. “just ran into her the other day.”
 
maybe if she’d been really mean to the older woman, she’d have said something, but she didn’t have it in her. plus, it felt weird being mean to wolves older than her (mali doesn’t have that problem) so she offers some sort of strained politeness that seems hardly considerate.
 
“so, um, what is it you want to talk about?”

That struck her as odd, but she said nothing, instead focusing on the next question at hand. You, she answered without hesitation, smiling. Whatever has been on your mind lately. Anything you want to talk about.

Lily's face grew serious as she continued. You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to, she insisted. It can be as easy as what you ate for breakfast this morning. I just want to get to know you better. She hoped she sounded as sincere as she felt, rather than. . .well, clinical.

you.

her ears fall back against her head and she looks away. why, all of a sudden, do they want to talk to her? about her? seabreeze and her hardships she thinks she shares with her and delight wanting to know how she’s doing. lily doing the same, talking about what she’s eaten. do they know something she doesn’t?

“i don’t have anything to talk about,” she admits, glancing back to the adult with a shrug. she readjusts her front feet with a side to side sway, ultimately turning her gaze to her toes.

Lily half-grimaced, not knowing how quite to react to complete refusal. Come on, she chided gently, there has to be something on your mind. Anything. What have you been up to lately? She genuinely didn't know how the children occupied their time. Seabreeze and Olive's pups seemed normal enough, except for Ibis and her skull, but this litter. . .

What did they do? Perhaps more importantly, what was missing from their life, besides the obvious?

of course, lily doesn’t give up. something, something! there must be something. what does she want? to really know what she had for breakfast? that half of it was buried a few meters behind them? or something else?

there’s plenty! why won’t they leave them alone? at least seabreeze offered not to come around where mali likes to hang out. why didn’t they look for solomon? why do they care if they’re around at all?

”no,” she says, assuring there is nothing, but her face tells a different story. no, there is plenty, and she snaps her head back to tell her.

but it is not words that come out of her mouth and splash on the ground, half digested and rejected.

She really should have expected this obstinance. Still, it was the first time Brilliance had sent it her way, and so she floundered, and was just opening her mouth when--

Oh. Oh, dear.

Brilliance, Lily exclaimed softly, stepping backwards--and fast--to avoid the spray. My God, darling, have you been ill? We need to get you to a healer, to settle your stomach, at least. The smell of vomit brought her instantly back to Broken Boulder, in that fetid old den, and she retched, turning away with her face scrunched in pain.

Lana. She wouldn't lose anyone else like that. Please, let me take you to Seabreeze, she insisted, looking at some undetermined point in the trees.

fuck. brilliance’s eyes widen in surprise. the last time she puked in front of someone had been her brother and sister and they argued over some monster disease. since, she’s made a point to keep to herself for a while after eating and lily’s bad timing easily crosses hairs. having already gotten ill, she hadn’t expected it a second time, especially so... projectile-y. 

”no, i’m fine,” she urges as lily tries to take her somewhere. ears twitch and splay back. ”i just need some water. wash my mouth out,” she adds, avoiding any touch to direct her elsewhere and leave the woman’s presence and focuses her attention on reaching the river. her heart pounds heavily in her ears while the world turns and vibrates as if she’s shooting through a tunnel. when she reaches the water, her feet slip down the bank with a splash but she drinks and drinks, trying to dial back the taste of her vomit.

Lily's ears folded flat as well, eyes flashing with worry. She watched as the girl made her way to the water, hanging well back and giving Brilliance her space. She barely had a handle on her emotions, watching the girl obviously suffer. She was sick, and sad, and---what on earth could she do about it?

I don't know what to do. And a sob rose in her throat at the thought.

Is there. . . What can I do for you? she said quietly, hesitantly, afraid to disturb the atmosphere with mere words. The chasm between them had grown even larger; once daunting, it now seemed insurmountable.

when she’s finished drinking, she doesn’t really feel any better. the lingering taste of vomit sits in her mouth and her stomach is uncomfortably full. if she moves too fast, or does anything other than focusing on breathing, the water might come up too and then lily will really urge her to seabreeze. she has to get out of this now so, carefully, she shuffles out of the water. her feet and forelegs are wet and muddy now, causing her to shiver a bit, but she shakes her head against the offer for help.
 
“i’m fine,” she says, and looks away. brilliance licks at her lips a little, uncertain. “imma go find papa,” she murmurs and turns to leave, though has zero intention of actually looking for him.

All right, Lily breathes, watching helplessly as the girl exits the scene. Whatever distance from Brilliance she had felt before this conversation began had now doubled. The doubts about her future as a mother she had carried with her into this day had multiplied, as well. And any hope she had of reaching the girl was dwindling.

What was she to do? Was it even her place?