Moonspear Come back to me

Although battered and shaken, hunger forced Wildfire out of the small cave. It had rained all night and most of the morning, though now the late afternoon sun began to peek out of the clouds, making the air feel warm and heavy. She moved slowly because of her aches and pains, which prevented her from slipping all over the wet rocks of the mountain. Her stomach pinched painfully as she wandered the slopes, though she soon realized that she couldn't hunt in her current condition. She would have to scavenge.

The air began to cool and darken and still Wildfire hadn't found anything to eat. Another realization began to slowly dawn on her. If she couldn't hunt and she couldn't scrounge up food otherwise, she would starve. She would die. Although she was nowhere near ready to face any of her pack mates, she knew she was stuck between a rock and a hard place here. She could try to continue surviving as a recluse (and most likely die) or go home and accept the help of her pack mates. It would come at a cost, she knew; they would demand to know what was going on with her.

It was the middle of the night by the time Wildfire finally crossed back over into Moonspear territory. She remained high up near the peak for a while, gathering her courage, then slowly began to pick her way the mountain. She made a point to find some standing water—it wasn't difficult, after all that rain—to wash her wounds to the best of her ability. She knew she still looked like she had been in a fight with a bear and Wildfire dimly wondered if that's what she should tell everyone. It might even fly, supposing the pack hadn't magically exterminated the second lingering bear during her hiatus.

Fur damp, Wildfire crept down a bit further and found herself standing over a cache. Her mouth watered as she peered down at the few dead rabbits. It was not without a measure of guilt that she bent over and made quick work of two of them. After she was finished eating, she retreated to sit on a small bluff, sighing and squeezing her eyes shut as did her best to mentally prepare for the inevitable confrontation. She had a reasonable, logical back story (the bear) but Wildfire was still stuck on what she would say to Floki in particular, how she would break the news to him that she—once so affectionately tactile—could no longer stand to be touched? That their happily ever after was already over?

The last wolf Floki expected to see was Wildfire.

He was preparing to depart for a few days in an attempt to recruit some new members to the pack. Moonspear's numbers had dwindled over the last few weeks, which wasn't particularly worrisome with the warm spring weather knocking on their door, but he wanted to put his trade to use. While he was out, he planned to search for Wildfire, as well.

It had been a week since he had last seen her. Her parting words to him -- "Don't follow me!" -- had kept him from tracking her down by scent. He knew that he would have been able to, and had started to a few times, following her trail into the upper reaches of Moonspear. But then he remembered the venom in her words and the angry twist of her mouth as she shouted at him. So he had kept to the outskirts, completing his patrols and returning to their shared sleeping space each evening with hope that she would meet him there with an apology in hand -- but night after night, he had been alone.

Now, he froze on the spot, blue eyes wide as they fell on a simultaneously familiar and strange red figure. It was clearly Wildfire, but she seemed almost to be a shell of herself; haunted, perhaps. Various scrapes and lacerations marred her coat, and she looked as though she hadn't had a hearty meal in days. She was perched above him, near the edge of a bluff, and he gazed up at her from below, partially obscured by trees. He contemplated simply slipping away without a word, but knew that something had to be said. His tongue felt heavy and thick in his mouth, however, not allowing him to speak just yet.

A cool breeze buffeted against her, chilling the skin beneath Wildfire's damp fur. It also made the wounds on the right side of her face ache inexplicably. So she turned her back to it, her amber eyes absently scanning the tree line below her. It was only by pure happenstance that she saw a glimpse of Caribbean blue looking up at her from the shadows below. Wildfire's heart skipped a beat and she sucked in a breath, held it.

He didn't say anything or make a move, nor did she. Wildfire held Floki's distant gaze for as long as she could, which wasn't long at all, then exhaled and rose slowly to her feet. Carefully, she left the bluff and began to climb down toward his location. Her legs felt jellylike and her heart began to thud anxiously in her chest as she made her approach. She felt so many emotions roiling inside her that she didn't even try to name them, much less define them.

She came to stand perhaps ten feet away from him, her amber eyes squinting at a spot just past his shoulder. "Floki..." she began only after struggling to think of what to say. "I'm sorry I've been acting so weird and distant and... weird." It was not only lame but a massive understatement. She had basically flipped the damn script on the poor guy, then run away into the sunset.

She fell silent for a long time, literally slumping in defeat when she decided to just put him out of his misery. "I wish I could explain it," Wildfire began honestly, "but I think... I think I'm having second thoughts." The blatant lie burned in her mouth like acid. Looking only at her feet now, she elaborated, "I went away to sort out my thoughts and feelings but it's all just been making me crazy. But I'm pretty sure... Floki, we can't be together anymore." The last five words left her throat in a raspy rush.

Time seemed to have slowed to a standstill as Wildfire met Floki's gaze. He stared up at her, not daring to blink as though she would disappear if his eyelids closed. After only a few seconds, she did start to move, and he craned his neck as he peered through the leaves, straining to watch as she slowly picked her way down the slope. He feared that she would flee, but instead she approached him, coming to stand a good distance away. He wanted to reach across the gap and touch her, but his limbs felt like lead.

His mind raced, trying to come up with something to say, but it was Wildfire that broke the silence. Floki's ears pressed towards her, grasping at the syllables as she apologized. He first felt relief; she had been acting weird, but he had been too pushy, and his lips parted to express his own regrets. Before he could speak, she forged ahead, refusing to look at him as she broke up with him in no uncertain terms.

He felt like the wind had been knocked out of his chest, and he gaped at her in disbelief. It was hard to make his mouth move to form a response, but by the time he finally found his voice, he was angry. "Are you serious?" he asked, hackles bristling. First Tevinter, now Wildfire -- was everyone in his life destined to abandon him?

She had expected him to act hurt and upset, maybe even refuse to accept her words at face value and press for more information. Wildfire should have known that he would be angry too, first and foremost. Before, Floki's anger had always devastated her immediately. In that sense, nothing had changed. She wilted like a flower under a flame, ears snapping backward and tail falling limply as she crouched. Her tongue pressed against the back of her teeth as she fought an impulse to deny the words she'd just said, if only to escape Floki's ire.

Wildfire needed to stand her ground, for her own sake and his. After all, she had been unfaithful, technically speaking, and she was now damaged goods. Furthermore, her inability to tolerate touch was deadly serious business. It was going to be tough enough dealing with that in everyday life, not even considering something like a mate. There was no way she could explain that to Floki, nor any reason he should be subjected to it in the first place. She reminded herself of these things as her eyes squeezed shut against suddenly swimming eyes.

"Yes," she squeaked out at long last. Then: "I'm sorry." She wanted to leave the scene but she didn't move. The ball was in Floki's court now. Wildfire would give him his chance to react, get a word in edgewise, and wait to be dismissed.

He was baffled. Wildfire provided no further insight into her decision, simply eking out a watery apology. None of it made any sense to him, from the first interaction to the present. Her behavior had been erratic and unexpected, and now she was suddenly ending their relationship with no explanation. Even beneath the haze of anger, Floki knew that something wasn't right; he struggled internally to get his head above water and put words to his confusion.

"I don't understand," he sighed with a sharp shake of his head. The fur along his spine continued to stand at attention, reflecting his frustration. He took a single step towards Wildfire. "Why?" he pressed; he was desperate for an answer.

When he took a step toward her, Wildfire fought the instinct to take one back to compensate and keep the distance between them. He was still several yards away, nowhere near touching her. Wildfire swallowed, then stilled when he demanded to know why. Of course, she couldn't tell him the real reason, so what was her fabricated reason for abruptly calling it quits?

"I don't know," she answered, not even having to fake her flustered tone. "I just—" She mentally cast around for some kind of explanation. And then words tumbled thoughtlessly from her mouth. "I just had time to really think about it and we're still so young. And maybe we just aren't that compatible." Only after she said them did she realize these were the exact words Goober had said to her. She fought the sudden urge to vomit.

After fighting back the gorge that rose, Wildfire eked out, "There's part of me that isn't sure about settling down after all." While this part wasn't a lie, per se, it was intentionally misleading. There was part of her that wanted to travel the world but there was a much larger, stronger part of her that had wanted to dedicate her life to Floki, to build a life with him. But when Goober had—had raped her (it was the first time she thought that word, instead of attack), he had also murdered their happy ending.

Floki wanted answers -- needed answers -- but when they finally came, his stomach turned. Everything that Wildfire said contradicted every conversation that they had had prior to that moment. They were young, yes, but they had talked of their futures. They wanted the same thing -- to settle down, to start a family. And beyond that, they shared a love of traveling and had dreamed of mapping out the Teekon Wilds together.

He felt physically ill. How had he ever trusted her? It was evident now that they couldn't be more different. He wasn't sure what she truly wanted out of life, but if she had lied like this -- then she was right. They were incompatible.

With a low rumble deep within his chest, he turned away from her. He had nothing else to say, save for one word: "Go." She had effectively broken his heart and his trust. He couldn't look at her any longer; he couldn't gaze on what could have been his future but which had ended up just being a close call.

Rape, she thought again, carefully enunciating it in her mind, the ugly, four-lettered word sending a painful jolt through her like a shock of electricity. She didn't know why she had carefully editorialized her thoughts until now; she hadn't even consciously realized she had been doing it. The word was simultaneously hideous and strangely empowering. "Rape," she muttered out loud at the very same instant that Floki coldly told her to, "Go."

Her face froze, her heart plummeted and she blinked her wet eyes, wondering why her tongue seemed to have a mind of its own today. Had he heard? Would he make anything of it? Did she want to find out? Wildfire's heart began thumping in her chest as, for about the dozenth time in the past week, her fight-or-flight instinct kicked into overdrive. No, I don't. She spun on a red heel to do what Floki had told her to do: go. She began to run.

He didn't hear her.

He already had his back to her, and her quiet voice was only muffled under the sound of his own growl. He stalked forward a few paces, his shoulders hunched defensively. Floki didn't plan to look back, but after a handful of steps he couldn't help himself. He paused, stiffly turning to glance over his shoulder with narrowed eyes.

She had gone, as she had been instructed. The only evidence that she had been there were the pawprints she left behind. He stared long and hard at the tracks in the dirt, then skulked away. He had no idea if he would ever see Wildfire again, and at that moment, he didn't care.