Big Salmon Lake frost on her pillow

@finley

supa vague about his visit to the other packs...


upon his return to the plateau, lasher slept for a night and a day, and reemerged from the den for sport with his sons and daughter. blue willow understood his pressing need to wander, and he kissed her with great passion before setting off once more into a trek that led him, unsurprisingly, in the vague direction of the caldera.

he had the freshest and most gentle memories of this place; lying in peregrine's embrace had rejuvenated him, revitalized his spirit. and so he stopped upon the apex of the glittering lake, wherein spawned the great pink salmon, and he waded into its shallows with a gentle sigh, his mind travelling inexplicably to the mysterious shar-kali.

supa vague on timelines.. lulz <3

The days following her miscarriage had been spent in mournful solitude.  While Elwood had done everything he could for his ailing companion, there was truly little that could be done at all.  The bleeding had stopped after a couple of days and while Fin had cleaned herself up and replaced any ruined bedding, she had refused to allow her lover to clean the den any further.  As unhygienic as it may have been, the blood that had soaked into the dirt beneath the fresh layer of bedding was the only thing she had left of her children, and thus she insisted that it remain.

When Finley rose finally, she did so with the intention of simply relieving herself and then returning to her den.  It was many hours later before the female slowed to a stop and found herself near the shores of Big Salmon Lake.  Silently, she stared out across the water while memories of her nightmare clouded her mind - the snow, the ice, the mist.. and that sweet little girl with eyes just like her mother's, smiling up at her on the shore.

All at once, Finley felt herself consumed by the grief of her loss.  There, out of earshot of her packmates who were never, ever to know of her tragedy, the female tilted her head back and sang out a low, mournful note to the wind, pouring every ounce of her pain into her voice while the tears streamed down her silver cheeks.

<3

ethereal notes climbed into the air, and lasher's ears twitched at the sound. for a long moment, he stood rooted in the water, listening to the agonized aria of the silver wolfess whom blue willow had tended not too long ago. "finley," he murmured to himself, before dark legs carried him from the lake and around its edge until he stood to behold the redhawk woman, her head tilted back.

from where he stood, lasher could not see her tears, but the tang of salt reached his nostrils, and a worried whine purled in his throat. he did not know whether or not to approach the blackthorn, but momentarily his worry for her well-being won over his initial trepidation, and taltos picked his way carefully toward her, body deferential and plume lowered.

Finley lowered her muzzle slowly when she heard the approach of another.  She blinked through the tears that were drowning her eyes, but found it difficult to focus.  Not that she really needed her eyes to recognize his scent.  "Lasher..." she croaked quietly, unable to muster much more than that.  Her mind was too fragile and broken to try to explain herself.  What was she supposed to even say?  What could she say?  And what should she?  Fox's decree that no outsiders were welcome at the Caldera came to her mind.  She'd never said not to even speak to them on neutral territories, but perhaps she shouldn't?

tears wetted her muzzle and the sight of them caused lasher's heart to ache. "what has happened?" he asked, stepping closer to her. finley was a smartmouthed character, comedic and dry -- it would have to be something quite terrible to hurt her as she appeared. questions pressed to his tongue, but taltos quelled them.

he reached out to her then, his eyes filled with sorrow for her own agonies. dread welled in his belly; had there been a death? what of peregrine? the children? 

Fin didn't want to look at him, but she found herself unable to look away.  She was so exhausted.  It was another stupid thing to have done, exerting herself like this when she was already so weak, not only from her miscarriage but from the simple fact that she hadn't slept or eaten in days.  She felt as though the world was moving in slow motion around her, when really it was just her, frozen in place, barely even real.


His question was not a surprising one, and yet Finley simply stared at him like a deer in headlights.  She and Elwood had discussed what they would say to their pack to explain their somber, withdrawn actions.  But what to say to Lasher?  She couldn't blame it on Peregrine's murder of his eldest daughter - he wasn't supposed to know.  

"There was.. an attack," Fin said finally, "We lost someone.. I lost someone."  It wasn't a lie, but it wasn't nearly the entire truth.

she stared at him, and as the moments passed, he found that he was growing more tense. the blackthorn's words did not reassure him, but he sought a more gentle way to inquire at the identity of the lost. her fresh and open grief worried him beyond words, and so, caught betwixt heartache for finley and trepidation, lasher glanced toward the lake, then back to the girl. "have i also lost someone, milis-marc trodair?


surely she would know why he asked, and he would share in her grief, support her through the tears that burned salt upon her cheeks.

His question confused her.  Were she in her right mind, she might have understood that he'd meant Peregrine.  Or, she might have stared just as stupidly at him as she did now since she was not always the brightest, even at the best of times.


"No, no," she reassured him when finally she caught on, "Peregrine is fine, the kids are fine.  It's someone else - someone you never met."  Someone Fin had never even met, not really unless you could count the little girl in her nightmare.

she gazed at him, and he became unnerved. rigidly he awaited her answer, but when it came, he was relieved -- never did he dream that finley would lie to him, but of course the secret she guarded was daunting indeed. not knowing of whom she spoke, he searched her face for something aside from sorrow, and found nothing. "i am sorry, finley. loss cuts with a bitter sword." 

his stance was open. inviting, should she need his proverbial and literal shoulder on which to rest her grieving head.

Fin bowed her head as the tears quite suddenly returned.  She trembled as the grief fell upon her in wave after wave, gasping shakily for breath as she tried to keep her head above water.  "I didn't even know..." she said, her speech broken by her gentle sobs which continued steadily to heave in her chest as she turned suddenly to press her head against Lasher's neck.  Nothing mattered to her at that moment - not Fox and her decrees, not the rage and betrayal her friend would feel had he known the terrible thing they had done to someone so important to him.  Nothing was real to her but the immense pain that threatened to swallow her whole.

taltos lay back his ears and swept his muzzle tightly along the side of finley's throat as she let the saltwater of her tears trickle through his fur. humming a low and gentle tone beneath his breath, the man was still, granting the woman the time she wished to sort through the emotions plaguing her. lasher was a patient creature, and finley was beloved by him -- he would wait.

Fin spent a few minutes huddling against her friend, sobbing into his shoulder.  It should have felt good to release her pent up emotions like this, but if anything it just intensified her agony.  For a while, it seemed as though the grief would not let up; that she'd spend the remainder of her days in misery, clinging to a wolf that would so swiftly turn into her enemy had he any idea what she and her packmates had done to one who was likely even more beloved to Lasher than she.

When finally that thought found its way through the blinding misery, Finley began to sober.  She was quiet again when she pulled herself away, her gaze remaining lowered to the ground.  She found herself uncertain of what to say.  There was a warning on her tongue that he stay away from the Caldera, but she dared not utter the words for fear of needing to explain it.  She didn't know how, not without spilling the secret of Junior's death and defying Fox's orders.

So, she opted for escape and fixed her friend with a grateful though somber look.  "Thank you," Fin said quietly, "For... being there.  I need to get back before anyone misses me...  Please don't tell anyone about this.  I don't want anyone to worry about me."  She didn't deserve any loving concern or care.  She was nothing but a moron, a screw-up and a failure - not one that anyone ought to trouble themselves with.  And with that thought, the guilt for troubling Lasher with her grief began to set in, so she stood quickly to excuse herself so that he wouldn't have to look at her anymore.

he held finley, the unabashed show of her sorrow bringing a constriction to his own throat, the stinging of tears to his empathetic eyes. her grim look confused and worried him, as did her words. taltos would have liked to stop her, to question after the source of her agonies, but he did neither. "be well, finley," he murmured as she stood, still seated and with ears preened forward to catch her words should she so choose to speak again.

what had gone on in the caldera? he wondered unto himself.

Fin gave Lasher one last look before she turned and strode away.  In a matter of ten steps, she broke into a run, leaving him and that moment as far behind her as possible.  It was her desperate hope that she might outrun this pain and terrible sadness and return to the Caldera free of her tears if not truly whole again.