Lost Creek Hollow too bad, you're not invited, i'm in charge - byeeee

eyesight and hearing were some pretty powerful things. aengus had started to feel like he’d been tricked for the first portion of his very short life. the more that his sight came in, the more he was able to make out those strange blobs that he’d seen before. his sister was just as lumpy as he thought she’d been in their shared womb-space. she was practically queen of the potatoes, wasn’t she?
 
@Sionnach was also his favorite sibling to pick on. aengus did what he could to strut toward her, which really ended up looking like a wobbly-legged roll. once he had closed the space between them, he aimed to wiggle his nose into her ribs and squeak in triumph.

day by day sionnach's little life grew more exciting.

well, except for one part - the dreadnaught ship she had  as a brother. if ever there was a canine embodiment of the proverbial thorn, aengus was it -- constantly sticking his cold wet nose where it didn't belong.

sionnach squalled loudly as earth's fattest torpendo shoved its nose into her armpit. she didn't just squall, she howled. she kicked. she threw her lumpy fists right at aengus' egghead face, toe-beans clenched in fury. and then, stumbling up on her nubby legs in righteous rage, she attempted to ram him like the very black cow species he was probably named for.

hell, sionnach’s life should have been exciting. for one, she had aengus as a brother and that meant that her life was already vastly improved upon. secondly, she was a god damn anomaly. the dark boy was positive that she was probably the lumpiest thing he’d ever happened upon. she was essentially a lump with limbs attached, and that had to count for something. aengus was really only trying to motivate some pizazz into that lumpy little figure. he wanted to see some life, damnit!
 
just as he rammed his snoot into her armpit, his pale sister released a squeal that could have deafened most creatures. seeing as how his ears had not fully adjusted to the ability to listen, aengus thought that it was nothing more than part of their game. she was successful in ramming against him. his fat ass prevented her from moving him very far, but she still met her mark. the young boy drew his head back and howled, hoping to illicit another cry from his sibling.

it turns out being a puppy battering-ram was not as fulfilling a job as mclumpy thought it was. bouncing back with a skull-shaking recoil, sionnach plopped to the ground with birds tittering cheerily around her head.

aengus, too dense a material to subvert from his trajectory, continued like a determined asteroid -- his cold nose once more pressing against her lumpy pits. she squealed again, stamping her feet in a tiny tantrum against the earth. COLD. WET. HATE.



there are some animals that have been blessed with marvelous self defense mechanisms when a predator or an annoyance comes too close. the grasshopper summons acridic spit. the skunk releases a noxious odor. the octopus shits out a black stain to obscure predator vision and swims away.

sionnach didn't come factory installed with any such mechanism (wtf mom - you had ONE JOB) so instead she did what comes naturally to thirteen year old boys and select few perverted adult men -- she tried her best to clamber on aengus and then released a warm stream of yellow wizzle: enjoy the april showers, betch.

yeah, lumpy! you're damn right it's not a fulfilling job. not when you were being so bold as to assume that you could move the complete lard mass that was aengus. he had done well in his attempts to grow bigger. he wanted to contend with the top dogs – wanted to be one of the best on the block. he was on a strict milk diet, but it had done him well. having the dispensary so close was handy too; this meant that he really didn't want for anything. mom was always ready to sate his need to feed.

unexpectedly, sionnach moved away from her attempts to roll him over and moved on to testing her hand at mountain climbing. she was pretty damn successful. she even managed to get her pee all over his back end. it was warm, though, so aengus found that to be an enjoyable part of the whole wizz-aster. don't kink shame him, alright? he rumbled a pleasant noise before rolling over onto his back and caking his rear end in dirt. then, he released a fart so deadly, it was sure to knock out anyone in the den site.

there are few feats in the world that rival summiting a fierce mountain, save perhaps pissing off of the cliffs of said mountains. after valiantly hiking up what may as well have been mount kilimanjaro for how fat aengus was, sionnach took a breather and drank in the view before whizzing a stream triumphantly off of the face of the world.

and hopefully, right on the face of her brother.

unfortunately, there was no time for celebration before the mountain rumbled and cracked a fuming, noxious cloud. mount kilimanjaro, known to most for its height, was also a volcano -- seemingly awoken by the brave soul that dared crest its mighty summit.

our brave sionnach's life was in peril. perhaps her earnest to dominate a mountain enraged the gods, or perhaps her spunky go-getter attitude was so insolent it kindled fire in the sleeping giant. either way, liffey's favorite child was about to meet her maker unless she thought fast.

the mountain, ringed in fuminous smoke, grumbled as sionnach nimbly leapt from crag to crag. overhead the skies, choked out by the clouds spat from deep within the mount's maw, were fringed a deadly red. slowly, a black ring of wraithlike smoke descended the slope as the mountain coughed and spluttered up voluminous splurts of ash.

half-blind and fighting to keep her breath, sionnach continued her wild descent as the ground crumbled beneath her feet. shafts of shale standing for thousands of centuries began to shake and shatter, tumbling down the mountain like toppled idols. bits of grass eeking out meager existence in the volcanic soil were dislodged from their roots, while pebbles and blackened stones began to tumble downhill in a cacophony of chaos.

fighting to stay ahead of the landslide and the slowly descending cloud of virulent fumes, sionnach leapt blindly from promontory to promontory until she at last hit flat ground. the mountain's billowing clouds followed after her, wrathful and swelling -- settling down at the base of the mountain in billowing gloom. gasping, sionnach's throat constricted, burning with the deleterious air. her eyes were wide and red, tears streaming down her features as she fought to keep breathing despite the choking fumes..

dragging herself across the mountain floor, the girl slumped at the base of a tall rock. her fur was sooty and bedraggled. her body beaten and limp... and behind her, the billowing haze of noxious gas settled like a poisonous nebula, blotting out the lives of all that lived in its range...

okay, while lumpy tripped balls on the gaseous fumes that had filled the den, aengus was merrily rolling around in the dirt with a pleased and plump expression on his round face. he wasn't even remotely phased by his own stench. he wasn't even perturbed that his sister had pissed all over his rear end. he was more satisfied with the fact that he had managed to cause her to tumble down mount aengus.

the dark boy was still on his back, but his head followed sionnach as she crawled away from him. her desperation caused a childish giggle to rise from the back of his throat. aengus yapped at her with delight before righting himself and shaking his head. the fumes might have gotten to him a little more than he had thought. still, he felt right as rain and ready to tumble again.

there was no warning before the boy rose to his feet and charged like a bull in the direction of his pale sister. there was a wild glint in the puppy blue of his gaze that spoke of trouble and terror all rolled into one. in his sprint to her side, aengus had yapped five more times. this was his attempt to get her to engage in what he liked to call 'the rough-house initiative.' whether she liked it or not, she was going to be hazed right in.

there was an old saying, 'a mountain will move, given reason enough' - neither sionnach nor the author knew whence this saying originated, but one thing was certain -- there was a mountain, moving with plenty of reason given, right towards sionnach's exact position.

she was way too young to be trampled to death by the infant form of john goodman, and also, way too good looking to be executed by someone so ugly. seriously, attacking pretty people had to be a hate crime.

managing to rise to her feet just in time for bullengus (new nickname spinoff: bolus - sorry, it's sticking. reasons why being 1. a bolus is a round, fat obstruction, usually in an important passageway like your pharynx, nbd, you don't need that-- and 2. do i need to say fat obstruction again, and not the phat obstruction kind from dangerous by kardinal offishal), sionnach stared the bull in the eye and prepared for launch.

she planned something along these lines:


instead, she got something like this:


she landed face-first in the dirt, plowed down to the ground with the same ruthless conviction of a building being demo'd. NO, NOT THE MONEY MAKER. that was it, fun time was over -- with a howl of injustice sionnach sat upright and took in a giant breath, her face red -- and then she unleashed an unholy shriek of outrage, choking and blubbering in her own infuriated shock. EAT A DICK, BOLUS.

you should know that if you have to explain your clever nickname, you've already failed at delivering a good zinger. that was alright; aengus couldn't really expect his sister to have many working brain cells after the bomb he had delivered with his ass. she hadn't had very many to begin with. the fumes were likely to have eradicated whatever remained.

all that mattered was that the raging bull that was aengus frostfur had met his mark. the creamy body of his lumpy sister seemed to float majestically for about .2 seconds before she tumbled over his back side and landed soundly on her face. stick that in the bank, lumpy. the small bull of a boy could not help but to snort with glee at what he'd accomplished. an expression of sheer devilish delight had spread across his features at the sight of her.

that was until the emotions that had built up inside of her made their way to the stage. aengus squinted as her features seemed to twist to take the shape of some macabre batman villain. he leaned back as her face puffed up and spewed in a wild shriek. his ears flattened to his skull and he shook his head. sionnach had pulled the stop. she was going super saiyan. it was like she had just lost wilson while floating away on her raft in the middle of the ocean.

“shhh,” aengus tried to hush her by stepping forward and cramming his foot into her mouth. that would do the trick, right?

sionnach had learned from an early age that the milkmaid, while dottering and slow, responded quite rapidly whenever her children were hurt. for that, sionnach pulled the full stops: hysterics, shrieks, tantrums, spittle, drool -- sink and all, was thrown into her throttling tantrum meant to alert the dull maternal unit that her favorite daughter had just been railroaded.

aengus' clumsy foot loomed near, and as he pushed towards her sionnach bit down with all of her might, screaming between tufts of fur and claw.  after about two minutes of demonic shrieking, where sionnach may have sounded possessed by a very displeased demon, sionnach gave up. the milk bartender wasn't coming -- was it too early to formulate abandonment issues?

much like the toddler that throws a fit in a grocery store for the sake of a candy bar, sionnach dropped the act and dusted off her fur. it might have been an alarming shift in character for anyone unfamiliar with children and their whims, but sionnach soon forgot her mother's slight (and aengus') in favor of finding a new source of interest: a curious looking stone on the ground. while her eyesight was far from at its sharpest, she could see enough of the stone to formulate the opinion it had to be licked. inquisitively, sionnach bumbled over to it and started to lick its cold surface, tickled pink by the sensation it left on her tongue.

alright, she was biting his foot. cool, cool, cool, cool, cool... he had three other feet, right? did he really need the fourth one? was a front foot all that important anyway? didn't seem so. the more concerning feat was that he had really come to terms with the possibility of losing a limb rather quickly, and he hadn't really seen a problem with it. that was, so long as it kept sionnach quiet. he'd rather lose all his feet than have to listen to her insufferable squalling again. it was her own fault that she tried to leap over him like some cool gymnast. it was also her own fault that she wasn't a cool gymnast, but more akin to a baby elephant who had just found its footing (they're hella fucking clumsy).

when her temper tantrum had faded away and she seemed to use her tiny attention span to locate a rock on the den floor, aengus could not help himself but to follow. he watched tentatively as she leaned over to lick the stone. his face scrunched up in a disgusted expression. damn girl, you could be suckling on some milk and you want to chow down on dirt and stones? he was actually more and more concerned that her acrobatic act had caused some serious brain damage. who ate dirt and rocks???

aengus was completely forgotten as sionnach sampled mother nature's most unpalatable thing: a stone. but she liked it. it was cold to touch, and smooth -- as she whetted it down with more and more laps of her tongue, it started to glisten and the saline taste gradually faded.

she looked up in time to see aengus' face contorted in -- disgust? are we serious? you probably eat your own poop, aengus, you can't possibly judge.

so, she mistook that disgust as something else -- and knowing how greedy aengus was, sionnach decided he probably wanted her stone. that was not happening, he was fat enough, plus, she had seen it first.

giving aengus the middle-finger-look, sionnach grabbed the stone and started hobnobbing away at a clumpy gallop -- no way was he gonna get his fat lips on this toy.

greedy, indeed! aengus didn't really want his sister running around with anything that was any more fun than what he had. even though it was weird as fuck that she was chomping down on dirt, he imagined that there had to be a bigger reason for all of it. so, when sionnach took the stone that she had been molesting with her little pink tongue and darted away from him, the bull of a child was quick to follow after her.

his comical loping was not really speedy, by any means. he did what he could to keep up with the slightly sleeker frame of the pale girl. his bright puppy gaze was alight with mischief. with a war cry, aengus attempted to leap through the air and tackle her to the ground. he wanted that stone, just because she had it. there was really no reason beyond that.

you know that one scene, in that cs lewis poem no one reads, where the protagonist is chilling in the woods when the jabberwocky comes? enter jabberwock: whiffling and burbling as it crashes onto the scene with all the subtley of a drunken ex objecting at a wedding... well, that was aengus as he came clobbering down the den after her, each footfall a mini-sesismic event.

sionnach knew the thundering peal of shrek's feet meant he was hot on her tail and her demise was imminent -- so, it was time to turn on the afterburners (no, not the farty kind). in the most pellmell of fashions (to use a third jabberwocky word: the most gallumphing of fashions) sionnach banked a hard right to evade her stupid brother: just in time to slam head-first into the den wall and sink to the ground unconscious.

oh, he was on the hunt alright. aengus might have been missing several of his braincells, but he made up for it with an undying dedication to see things through. if he had gotten a curious whiff of whatever his sister had been up to, there would have been nothing to stop him from intruding on her space. so, while he thundered after her fleeing form with a devilish smirk on his face, he started to taunt her with his best attempt at a growl. whether it was due to his frightening attempts or not, aengus did notice that she had picked up her speed a bit. all of a sudden, she turned sharply, and he stopped dead in his tracks. fortunately for him, so did she.
 
“ooooooooooooooooooooooooooo,” he cooed softly at the sight of her slumped frame against the earth. the little bull winced at her pain, but the longer he stared at her, the less he was able to hold himself together. after a few long moments, aengus nearly choked while attempting to stifle a snort and then burst into uproarious laughter.

unluckily, and luckily for sionnach, the girl was knocked out cold. there's not a lot to write when your entire post is your character being slumped up against the wall unconscious, but with sionnach passed out like a conked-out cokehead, what is one to do?

she very luckily missed the peals of laughter that issued from her brother -- how sweet and heartwarming to laugh at other people's pains, aengus -- you will probably grow up to be a weird ted bundy, FYI. little did sionnach know her misfortune was probably the catalyst to aengus' first bouts of laughter.. and it was one of many "firsts" sionnach would have been better off without witnessing.

oh well… it sucked to suck, didn’t it, lumpy?
 
aengus found that his interest in the comatose shape of his sister was fading fast after she had incapacitated herself against the den wall. the little bull approached her with a few careful sniffs to make sure that she wasn’t dead. when he discovered the gentle rising and falling of her flanks, he prodded her with a cold and incredibly wet nose. no movement… ah well.
 
the round boy turned away from sionnach and trotted back toward where their mother was resting. he found a comfortable spot next to her chest and slumped onto his belly. after breathing a heavy sigh, the boy allowed his eyes to get heavy and then drifted off into blissful sleep.