Stone Circle I hate the beach but I stand in California with my toes in the sand

He did not return to Riverclan; the one he sought now wouldn't be there, he knew, so instead he headed straight for Kvarsheim. Straight to @Faun. Kel anxiously picked over his disheveled coat on the way there, and had sorted himself into something nearly presentable by the time he made it to the border. It mattered, for some reason, that she didn't see him that way. He scrubbed the last of the dirt from his paws as quickly as he could before he sent up a call for her.
However quickly she arrived, it was not quick enough, and Kel took to pacing as he waited. He did not think of the green-eyed woman; he thought of the weather, their herb stores, how the boy in Faun's care might be faring now. Anything else, everything else.

It would be soon that Aquillius could be released from her tender mercies. Then, she would be returned to Riverclan as if she had never left.

She mused to the open sky that it would be preferable to traveling back and forth. As soon as the boy was done healing, she was going home and not leaving for a while. Faun wasn’t aware of how much of a homebody she had become until she was no longer at home.

A familiar voice sent a thrill directly to her gut, which cramped slightly in response. She hissed a little noise between her teeth. Aquillius, across the den, raised his head to glare groggily at her.

”Just go see your stupid boyfriend or whatever” The woman stared at him as he flopped back over, muttering to himself below his breath.

Oh I am so telling your dad. She hissed at the boy’s sleeping form, before curving out of the den with head held high, as if getting called out by a teenager wasn’t ruining her self esteem. She couldn’t wait until the little bastard found someone he thought was pretty.

Also, Kelsier wasn’t her boyfriend. They were just best friends. Buddies.

It was what drove her to worry when she saw him, pacing and agitated, and immediately sped up.

Kelsier! She slowed a few steps from him, before trotting in a quick circle around him.

Are you alright? Are you hurt? Where? Who did it? Faun couldn’t help the twinge of panic at seeing her normally so composed companion strung out like this.

Yes - no - Kel stumbled over his response; his heart was only beating faster with Faun's appearance, her frantic concern. I met someone. She was in heat. A-asked me to come home with her. He started to stammer, and had to stop to try to compose himself.
He failed. And, Faun, I almost did! His ears fell in shame. Kel had stopped pacing by now, but the agitation hadn't left him. He shuffled in place instead, facing Faun reluctantly as he tried to explain himself. Not for her. For the, the chance to be a father. It all sounded rather naive now, didn't it? What had he almost gotten himself into? He wasn't sure he wanted to know.

Faun halted to stare at Kelsier, her eyes wide. She blinked a few times, resisting the urge to swat her ears a few times to make sure they were still up there and functioning.

A woman in heat. Had asked him to go home with her. And he had almost done it.

Something ugly grew in her chest, her stomach squeezed between its emerald coils. That great green beast hissed in her ears, jealousy making an expression pass over her face as though she had eaten a thousand lemons then stuck her nose in a garbage heap. It quickly faded away, her ears flicking back forward at his next statement.

You want to be a father? She asked, quiet, all too aware of that green snake of envy that had taken up residence in her chest. It was an ugly feeling, and she abruptly wanted to tear it out. Hysterically, she thought she could for a second.

Of course he noticed the change in her expression, attuned as he was to her whenever she was near. Kel wilted further under the perceived judgment, but felt that he deserved it. He had almost abandoned Riverclan — almost left her behind without a word! Surely he would never rid himself completely of this shame.
He was too raw and frazzled to think much on her line of questioning, or he himself might have had a few questions. Always have, Kel admitted in low tones. But it's never been possible for me. But I wouldn't leave. Even for that. I wouldn't leave you. Riverclan; he'd meant to say he wouldn't leave Riverclan, but that wasn't what came out at all. You're my best friend. He quickly amended, as if that was what he'd meant to say all along.

You’re my best friend, he said, and Faun accepted that as his truth. Abruptly, she felt ashamed. Kelsier was a fine man, of course there would be women out there who wished him to sire their litters. Her ears wilted back, and her posture crumpled in on itself.

She had never felt more like the broken remains of the girl she had been when she arrived here. It had been a year, or it would be soon anyway. She closed her eyes, taking in a sigh of air. Faun plastered on her best smile as she took a few steps forward.

It’s possible for you, I’m sure. You’re a fine man, a good man. You’d make a wonderful father. Better than most. Her father, for instance, was a topic she didn’t think of on her best days. 

There are sure to be plenty who would want you to father their litters, Kelsier. She pressed her tongue against a worn groove in her cheek.

Abruptly it felt as if something had closed off between them, though Kel could not have described it if asked. He frowned, moving closer when she did, closing the space between them. Her reaction, her words, it was all odd — and Kel was plenty inexperienced, even more so insecure, but he wasn't oblivious. It isn't about that, He said softly, a growing warmth to his voice as he began to understand. The problem of his own failings still stood between Kel and any kind of future he might want, but he knew that he could offer Faun some part of him. If that was really what she wanted, if he wasn't reading this wrong entirely.
Afraid but hopeful, he took the leap.
It's about having a connection, He reached out hesitantly, brushing lightly over her cheek if she didn't pull away. Wanting the same kind of life. Understanding one another. Kel smiled a little nervously. Kind of like what we have.

For some moments, she thought herself to be asleep. That was the only way this could be happening to her, Faun didn’t get this sort of thing. That had never been more obvious to her than watching her home burn, watching the pack who had healed her leave her behind, even coming here and feeling as though she was outside of it all.

Her chest tightened so much she felt as though she was breathing through a tube. Or underwater. Or both. She swallowed, leaning into the touch with a small sigh.

She had not seen Drusus in a year. If he hunted her still…she had all of Riverclan. She had Kvarsheim. She had Germanicus’s debt, despite her speak that she did not take debts. Faun had somehow stumbled her way into a family, so far outside of her own that it felt like a dreamland. Perhaps she had died already. Perhaps this whole thing had been a charade of her dying mind.

I.. Faun swallowed, again, her mind working overtime.

Yes, you and I..we do understand each other, don’t we? A force only understood by healers and the patients they turned their gazes on.

I..well. I haven’t ever..truly thought about being a mother. The woman was quiet, for a moment, before she smiled, slow. 

I think I would like to try. My mother..my mother was distant. Never cruel. But she did not care for me or my sisters. Her heart throbbed, the secret she carried branded beneath her tongue, choking her with the reminders of a kingdom long burned to the ground.

I could be better than she ever was.

She wanted this; wanted him, to raise children with him. Kel could never have imagined that he would be chosen by a woman so gentle and ethereal; like peace given form, like hope given voice. He could never have imagined anyone more perfect.
Tainted blood, he remembered then, the faces of The Evergarden swimming before his mind's eye. But he could not picture any child of Faun's being anything but blessed, and loved, and provided everything they might ever want or need. You will be, He told her when she said that she could be better, voice soft but full of fervent belief. His touch at her cheek lingered as long as he dared to let it before he drew away. You'll be amazing, Faun. And I - I will support you in every way I can. She would want for nothing while she carried his children — and at that thought Kel found himself quite dizzy!
He let out a breath, laughing slightly. I never imagined that you - Kel fumbled, nervous even as joy overtook him. That this might be possible.

Even the thought of le royaume de la glace et des lumières chilled her to her bones. Faun had been so young when it all happened, so young she couldn’t remember it too well.

Kelsier was happy. That was what she would focus on. Not a kingdom long dead and a mother who had never loved her ill gotten children. She laughed, the sound gentle even to her ears.

Everything my mother is not. Marcellette was dead, and her parenting style died with her.

And you will be an excellent father, Kelsier. She responded, moving to throw her head over his back in an embrace, if allowed.

Me neither, really. I am honestly afraid I’ll wake at any moment. Her head was spinning, and she felt like a noblewoman who required her fainting couch.

Kel flushed, wondering before he could stop himself if what Faun said was true. Would he be a good father? Was that possible for him? He still couldn't shake the nagging feeling of making a mistake — but if the scent of heat had sent his thoughts to pieces, Faun scattered them all to the wind now with the way she was looking at him and the sweet things she said. There was no logic between point A and point B; by now there was only pure emotion and its numerous demands.
He wanted to ask what this really meant for them; best friend, he'd called her, and felt a little foolish for it now that he knew she wanted more. Instead he started to make plans. We'll need to speak with Silvertongue and Ash Paw, Kel murmured into their embrace, holding her softly. Choose a den... names! He pulled back then, gentle but solemn now as he met her eyes. Do you have a family name to pass on?

There was so much to prepare for! Faun catalogued it in her brain, tripping over her lists as she tangled them all together. Herbs. People to speak to. Names. Densites.

So much! 

Kelsier’s last question hit her ears and she…paused.

The Baudelaire name will die with you.

It seemed uncle had been right.

No. She said, before shaking her head.

Perhaps we should speak to Silvertongue, see how names are done in Crowfeather’s culture. Or something like that.

Kel nodded as Faun went on, pulling away from her to meet her eyes. Alright, He said softly, thinking for a moment before he spoke again. I... have a family name. Ivylock. We could use that, if you like. Did he want to, though? He wasn't sure.
Truth be told he wasn't sure about any of this. But he'd made his decisions, and could not bring himself to regret them yet. The head-spinning rush of the moment still had yet to fade, and for now he only coasted on that high.
Looking at Faun now, he felt that he would not regret this even in the long-term. She was perfect, would be a perfect mother. He only hoped that he could measure up as a father.