Moonspear Never doubt that your courage will grow

@Rannoch !!!

For the first time in his life, Gannet had begun to experience what it meant to wake up in a rough mood.  He attempted not to take it out on those around him, but there was a slight listless air that he had a hard time hiding, unaccustomed as he was to deception.  This morning had been particularly rough, as his mind went back to the conversation he and Lyra had had.

Gannet stood, staring at his offending leg, self-pity growing by the second as he thought of the possible future it could lock him into.  He hadn't mentioned it to Hydra, nor to Liffey, and instead the anxiety and stress grew within.  It was so unusual for him to hide something like this, but he didn't want them to know.  He wasn't sure why.

Suddenly he was hit with a wave of homesickness.  Not for the Caldera, specifically; but for Peregrine, and Fox, and Whip, and Ferret.  He was glad no one had come for him, but as he dwelt on it, some never-voiced corner of his mind suggested that perhaps they weren't upset he was gone.  He knew instantly that it was a horrible one to have, and he lunged forward, slamming his shoulder into the side of the den and holding it there, pressing against the earth while he shook with pent up shame and fear.  He didn't want them to come here.  But he was scared as hell by what their not coming meant.

Tag for reference!

 
"I'll see you tomorrow?" Rannoch asked while offering @Terance a knowing look. Although his friend had been doing much better, he always made sure to confirm with him that they would be patrolling the next day. Terance answered promptly, and Rannoch affectionately bumped his head to his friend's shoulder before he expressed his contentment towards the answer. "Alright, good," Rannoch responded with a smile. 

With their plan settled, the two yearlings went on their way, and as he meandered towards the heart of the territory, he wondered what he could get himself into for the next few hours. After some consideration, Rannoch concluded that he would visit Gannet. It had been a while since he had seen the black-socked male, and Rannoch figured that it would be good to check in and see how he was doing. 

With his mind made, Rannoch made his way to the den where Gannet was being kept under Lyra's supervision; a brief wave of nostalgia overcame him as he spotted the entrance to the cave. He shook the feeling quickly, as he didn't wish to reflect on that time. 

Rannoch paused at the mouth of the den, his sides heaving due to the effort that he had put forth in climbing the mountainside. Although Gannet's scent was strong, the Epsilon peeked his head inside the den and called, "Gannet? You up?" 

Rannoch's call split through his pity party like a knife, and his head shot up, smacking the lower ceiling.  He yelped, sitting back, only to have his breath hiss out as he sat wrong on his sore leg.  "Yeah," he said, staying where he was.  It came out a little shakily, but he let it be.  He wondered if Rannoch needed something, to be visiting, and waited to see, heart thrumming as his mind fought to pull itself back together internally.

The sharp yelp that sounded from the heart of the den was unexpected, and Rannoch shook in surprise at the noise. "You okay?" he asked with evident concern in his voice. Worry rose in the Counselor, and he craned his neck to get a better look at what could have caused the cry. Unfortunately, Rannoch concluded after a quick glance, it appeared to him from his vantage point that there was nothing in sight that could have harmed Gannet. 

Pressing a step forward when he was spoken to, Rannoch quickly asked in response, "Mind if I joined you?" 

Gannet's ears splayed, somewhat because of the ache that set in due to his surprise reaction, partially out of embarrassment.  "Yeah.  No."  He felt a familiar sense of panic rising.  "I dunno."  He closed his eyes and took a breath.  He didn't know the words to describe what he was feeling right now; even if he was good with words, likely it would have been hard.  And he was decidedly not good with words.

He looked at Rannoch then, somewhat pleadingly, and shook his head in answer.  He didn't mind.  He just didn't know how to start, or what to say, or anything.

Gannet's reply was a contradicting mishmash, and for a moment, Rannoch tilted his head as he struggled to comprehend what had been said. 

Before Rannoch could conclude what Gannet had intended, he was granted permission to enter. Without another thought, Rannoch lowered himself and crawled into the cave so that he could join Gannet. 

Upon seating himself in front of the pale wolf, Rannoch asked, "How have you been?" 

He'd wanted Rannoch to stick around, but now that he realized that meant the inevitable requirement of conversation, Gannet couldn't quite function for a moment.  How had he been?

"I don't know," he answered honestly, lowering his head as his ears tilted back apologetically.  He struggled to find the words for a moment, then finally surfaced with a question.  "D'you think they forgot about me?"  His tone held no trace of seeking empty validation; it was an honest fear.  "They shouldn't come.  But they haven't." He finished somewhat lamely, knowing the last phrase was inadequate.  He wanted them to stay away, safe from Charon and Ame's anger.  But it also worried him that they had felt so secure in allowing him to stay here so long.  Perhaps they didn't need him there.

Gannet was quick to speak of his concern, and quickly, Rannoch shook his head in reassurance; he knew the reason why nobody from the Caldera had come to retrieve Gannet. "It's not you," Rannoch said, his expression sympathetic. Although he did not want to be the bearer of bad news, Rannoch knew that Gannet deserved to know. "Redhawk Caldera and Dra—" he hesitated for a moment, realizing that he didn't perfectly master the name of the Caldera's ally, "—gechta went to war with Blackfeather Woods." 

"I don't think we know whether or not they've even marched," he added, hoping that his words would comfort Gannet.

As Rannoch spoke, Gannet's mind churned with what he was saying. He'd left a while ago, intent on finding Liffey, and had taken his time about it. As a result, he'd been gone pretty much the entire time war had been on the table. Rather than helping him to understand, this only cemented in his mind how in trouble he was going to be on return. If they even let him back in.

Towhee already thought he was a flake. Finley and Elwood, in his mind, had been fairly indifferent towards him ever since his disappearance and return. And the rest of the pack? He hardly knew them. He hadn't really worried about it then. Now, even if they returned safe (which wasn't a guarantee), why hold him a spot open when he hadn't been there to help?

Normally one to reason and see the best in a situation, he shook his head and stretched out his forelegs, sliding down until he was lying with them straight out in front of him. "I shoulda been there." He said softly, frowning. He'd stuck up for Titmouse, yeah, but in doing so he'd deprived his pack a useful contributor when they needed it most. No wonder they hadn't checked in.

"Lyra says it won't heal," he finished, glancing at his leg and then looking up at Rannoch with a dejected sort of acceptance. It felt good to say it, actually. "I didn't wanna tell them." He didn't specify who.

Gannet's grief hung heavily in the air, and Rannoch could feel it. Although he wished to soothe his friend's worried mind almost immediately, Rannoch resisted. Instead, he observed as Gannet made himself more comfortable; but the upset was still evident on the other wolf's face. It was only as Gannet expressed his disdain when Rannoch intervened, and quickly, he shook his head in response. 

"No," Rannoch replied, his voice stern. There had been far too many instances in Rannoch's short life where he had mulled being in the wrong place at the wrong time, and it had never done him well. "You can't think like that," he added, his voice softer and expression sympathetic. "It'll do you no good living in the past like that. Trust me, I know from experience." 

Just as Rannoch was about to elaborate, Gannet spoke further to what was getting him down, and Rannoch's gaze was drawn to the lame limb. He frowned, and quickly returned his gaze to Gannet. "I'm sorry," he replied as his ears splayed upon his head. He couldn't even imagine what Gannet was going through; Rannoch hoped to never hear the news that Gannet had.  "Are you learning to live without it yet?" he asked.

Gannet nodded, trying to take the words to heart, but also unable to fully stop the thought. It hadn't been a regret; more a statement. He couldn't change the past that he'd done, but he could take that reasoning and accept why his family had not come for him. Why Finley and Elwood weren't at the Moonspear's doorstep now, at least checking to see if their words about having him were true. And if they'd be returning him.

"S ok." He said, almost knee-jerk like, but knowing that it wasn't right now. He'd needed to talk to someone about it for a while, and he was glad Rannoch was there. When Rannoch asked, he shook his head, and took a few demonstrative steps forward. The flex of his leg was all wrong, and the length was off, leading him into an awkward hobble that mostly didn't even use the limb, and he was clearly off balance as of now. "I'm gonna practice." He said, with some resolve. Then his face fell a bit again. "But I dunno. If I can't run, I can't..." he trailed off. If he couldn't run, he couldn't contribute. If he couldn't contribute, he was essentially useless to any pack that would have him.

Rannoch knew that his advice was easier said than done— he often found himself living in the past when he was well aware that he should be focusing on the present. "I'm here if you ever need to talk or rant about anything," he offered as his final thought in regards to that particular portion of their conversation. 

When prompted of his practice, Gannet moved to demonstrate his progress. Rannoch observed him and noticed the awkward gait in which Gannet had adopted. It would take time, but Rannoch was confident in the other wolf's ability to adapt. 

"You're doing great so far," Rannoch assured Gannet as he hoisted himself onto his feet. He took a step towards the other wolf and smiled encouragingly despite the other's suffered subject matter. "And I think you can figure out a way to do many things without the leg." Rannoch took another step closer, his tail wagging. "Do you think it'd help any if you used me as support? I know that's what Lyra did with me when I was healing." 

Gannet appreciated the offer, and it showed in both his expression and the slight wave of his tail in response. It was good to know there was someone he could go to who would listen, someone who wasn't Hydra or Liffey. Not that he didn't like talking to them! But he didn't want to be down around Liffey, nor Hydra, the former because it would make her sad and the latter because it felt... wrong to be. He couldn't explain why.

"Maybe," he said, now looking a bit more curiously at Rannoch. He did not go faster for fear of falling, the thought of which scared him for many reasons. Namely being he didn't want to mess up his nearly healed limb. But if Rannoch was there to help him keep his balance, maybe he could take it a bit faster? "We could try?" He began to make his way outside, carefully, hoping Rannoch would follow, and a flicker of optimism now lighting once more.

Following Gannet's lead, Rannoch tread slowly behind as he was lead out of the den. Although he could understand how difficult it must have been for Gannet to feel any positivity, Rannoch did appreciate the subtle indication of the other's mood lightening. 

Once outside, Rannoch carefully slid to Gannet's side. "Here," he said once his stance was stable, and he looked to the Caldea member with a smile. "If you allow some of your weight to fall on me, we can try moving forward." He had positioned himself to be on the side where Gannet needed the most support, as he recalled that was how Lyra had helped him. "I would prefer if we started slow, too," he added, hoping that Gannet understood this. The last thing that Rannoch wanted to do was injure his friend further.

It was a relief, honestly, once Rannoch had settled beside him, to settle some of his weight on the larger wolf. He nodded when Rannoch requested they go slow... he allowed him to set the initial pace once he began to step forward, testing and trying to use the leg in a somewhat regular rhythm.

It was a little easier with Rannoch if only because he could put his full focus on walking rather than trying to keep his balance as well. He knew he was heavily using him right now, but hopefully, if Rannoch was willing to help again, that would become less.

"This is better," he said, glancing at Rannoch gratefully. "It's... off." It was as much of an explanation he could give... likely Rannoch would understand, judging from how much Gannet was relying on him for balance at the moment.

Gannet's reliance on Rannoch was evident. Moving with care, the Epsilon made sure to walk carefully; Rannoch wanted to make this initial test as comfortable as possible. 

The pair concentrated on their tasks, and the silence that had settled between them was only disturbed once Gannet gave his initial insight. Rannoch turned to face Gannet with a smile, feeling suddenly optimistic despite the concern that was shared. "I'm sure you'll get used to it with practice," he offered encouragingly. 

"What's off about it?" Rannoch asked after a pause, wondering how Gannet defined "off" in his current situation.

Gannet took a while to respond to Rannoch's question, partially because he was concentrating, partially because he wasn't sure how to answer. He didn't really know how to put it in description.

"Like sand," he finally said, making a leap internally that likely Rannoch would have a hard time following. It was a dissatisfying answer even to him, but the words uneven and off-kilter didn't come. Instead he drew the closest comparison he had ever experienced; trying to run on shifting sand when one's legs didn't know how to account for what they couldn't expect.

Even after some extensive consideration, Rannoch was still puzzled about what Gannet had indicated. Although he was well aware of what it was like to walk on the sand, he just couldn't correlate that sensation to walking on solid ground. 

"Well, hopefully, this'll help," he replied with a smile; Rannoch masked any implication of his confusion with his expression. 

Even though it had not been long since the pair had started their jaunt, Rannoch wondered how winded their carefully calculated steps had made Gannet. "Are you doing okay with this pace?" Rannoch questioned as he looked at his injured friend. To elaborate his point, he quickly added, "We can take a break if you want." 

((Fading!))

When Rannoch suggested a break, Gannet shook his head, but cast a quick smile sideways. If he was going to get better, he needed to push himself a bit, though he knew it wasn't wise to overdo it. If it got too tiring or began to hurt, he would stop, but the work would be worth it once he could run again.

He'd take advantage of Rannoch's presence as long as he was able before taking a break, grateful for the help and happy to have the chance to figure out his new balance without fear of falling.