Big Salmon Lake i remember the make-up running down your face

@Finley bebe come to me

The reflection that stared back at him from the water was not his,even if the face reflected over the water's surface had his same olive eyes and his same platinum colored fur, it was depicted a completely disorted image of himself compared to what he had last seen himself as. He refused to awknoledge the angry wolf with dark circles weighing under his eyelids as himself, but to his dismay there was no other wolf around to claim it either.

After a few more seconds of staring intently at the water's ondulating ripples that distorted the image even further, Finn rose his head hastily, his eyes trailing around his surroundings. He knew very well what he had come here for. It had not been the random movement of his paws what had brought him near the edge of the Caldera. In fact he had initally intended to go straight to the border, but he soon realized that with every step he took his heart tore up a little.

He would need his heart to be intact (or as intact as it could be) for the next step of his journey. Though his rage towards Junior had not been yet completely extinguished of his heart, he was in a much calmer state now. He had had time to think, and gather the thoughts and words he had failed to express during their last encounter, where he had been caught off guard, and thanks to the dumb teen, had not had the chance to fix sooner.

With a deep breath and a renewed fill of air in his lungs he tipped his head back, issuing the call he had been so afraid to make before. He had an extensive repertoire of things he wanted to say to her; first of all he wanted to apologize for not having the chance to say goodbye, but at the same time he wanted to let her know that he had been glad he hadn't because goodbye was not something he wanted to say to her ever again.
He just wanted to say hello.

bebe love, my bebe love *sing sings*

Timing was everything. It always had been. He could've told her when they'd first met that he liked her. He could've told her under the shooting stars that he was starting to feel something real for her. He could've said it a hundred times while they lived together at the Plateau, he could've said it when she left. He could've come to her at the Caldera and said it. He could have come to her when she was injured a hundred times and said it, but when he had, all he had to share were riddles and lines for her to try and read between. He'd done none of it, and Finley Blackthorn had had enough.

And yet, when she heard her name in his voice upon the wind, she had answered. The beta had hated herself for each step she made, knowing that she didn't want to make them. Whatever lied at the end of this interaction, she had no doubt that it was going to be miserable and emotional and just awful. She could see no happy ending. She'd given up on the happy ending when he'd given up on them without a fight.

Fin came upon her doppleganger standing near the edge of the Caldera. He looked awful, but still handsome, still charming... She sucked in a deep breath and hardened herself against him before trotting up to him, her tail and head raised in the way one would expect a beta wolf to carry themselves.

"The Caldera usually doesn't take kindly to trespassers," Fin said sourly as she approached, "We usually run them off. Or attempt to murder them." Either option seemed pretty good to her at that moment.

umph my heart is torn

Finn had always been a runner.
Running seemed to be the only thing that was able to blur away the heavy sense of regret lying upon his shoulders. Should he have gone with her? Should he have at least asked her to reconsider? Their 'goodbye' hadn't even been a goodbye, since the only thing exchanged between them a long glance filled with dispair.
That's why he ran.
The feeling of the wind brushing over his skin was therapeutic somehow.
He had ran away from his home, from his feelings and from his fears, but no matter how fast he had tried to run he had not been able to outrun the disaster. The clock had beaten him now, leaving him to arrive awfully late to a scene he had been intended to be in long ago. I know I'm late he breathed, feeling the hardness of her eyes on him.

But it had not been only him who had kept quiet.
She hadn't said anything either -- not when he had took her shivering body out of the cave, or when she was about to leave. She could've told him she wanted him there in the Caldera with her, but she didn't just like he didn't tell her he wanted her to stay.
She had done just about as much as he had to let him know how she felt.

Yet he didn't care to point that out. Their lack of communications skills was not the issue he wanted to dicuss. Though he too sensed their conversation would not be an easy one, he still held on to the possibility that this would not be the last time they saw each other.

Just hear me out, please he barked, dipping his muzzle in awknowledgement of her higher rank. To be honest he wouldn't have blamed her for wanting to murder him -- he probably deserved it, but he also deserved a chance to be heard.

Then, with his lips parting slowly and his eyes beginning to glaze he began to stip himself of the armor he had wore for so long. He then stood there, completely exposed and vulnerable to her -- as he had always been. Finn did no longer want to live in a lie he didn't even believe.
He needed to be honest now, and she was his truth.

umg she's so mean I'm sorry D:

Fin fought not to roll her eyes at his comment. He knew he was late. Good job, detective. She bit back the correction on her tongue—that he was too late, not just late—trying not to give into the very strong instinct of self-preservation that wanted to dash his hopes so that he’d keep his mouth shut and just leave. She didn’t want to hear his words. Not even the ones for which she’d yearned for so long. She wanted to be done and free of it all, to no longer have to deal with any of it. But that was the Blackthorn’s cowardice talking, not her heart. Her heart kept its footing in the battle, and thus she kept hers physically standing before the olive-eyed Ollivander.

”Are you going to say something this time,” Fin snapped back at him, ”Or do I have to stand here and listen to you babble on with your riddles and utter nonsense again.” It was rhetorical and it was cruel, but Finley had had enough of the games. He either said something real this time or she called Peregrine and Fox to help her chase him out of their lands, and out of her heart.

:(

The shinning metal armor he had sheltered in fell to the ground, clashing on the floor with and shattering into a million pieces. He would not hide anymore. He would not run anymore, but unfortunately that didn't gave him the security that she wouldn't either.
Maybe she was already too far gone, even when standing in front of him with her chocolately eyes turned to stone.

But Finn didn't care.
And he wouldn't dare to go back now. She had pulled him into the depths of the darkest cave with her eyes alone, and while it had taken him a little time to fight the dark and get used to the feeling of the walls crumbling down on him, he had finally opened his eyes and seen her. Standing in the end of the tunnel veiled by the dim light of the morning sun.
From there, everything else had pretty much gone to waste.
He could not be kept from walking towards the end of the tunnel, because she was the light at the end of it.

She answered with harsh words, laced with the same hurt he felt in his own heart. If she wanted sincerity, then it would be exactly what she would get now. He pressed his lips together, already feeling the words beginning to form in the back of his mouth and threathening to come out like word-vomit.
I'm in love with you, Finley Blackthorn he declared suddenly, feeling the strenght of the his words climb into his eyes and ignite a light in them as he searched to connect his gaze with her own.


Please don't be in love with someone else, because I will die without you with me he went on, the words now dripping so effortlessly off his mouth as if a barrier had been broken and the filter of his mouth had been removed.
I was a fool to let you go, but know I won't ever make that mistake again if you let me he barked taking a small slow step towards her.

Holy crap he said it.

The moment the words hit her ears, she felt her very blood run cold. Her mind went blank, her body went numb. It was as though he'd flicked off a light switch and everything just went black for a few moments. There was nothing there, only cold and silence and emptiness and then...

A whole shit ton of... stuff.

There really was no better word for it. It was a chaotic blend of joy, panic, fear, anger and relief all fighting for her attention as they screamed their arguments in her ears. Each one fought to try to dominate and overrule the others so that their influence would be what fueled her reaction. It was too much, and at the same time, none of them were enough. It was maddening.

He was in love with her. He wanted to be with her. He would die without her.

And how did she feel? Well... That was really the question, wasn't it? And the truth was, she didn't know. She just plain didn't know. She thought she had, but then she'd changed her mind. And then she thought she had again, but it had been rather inconvenient, so she'd changed it again. And now.. Huh. What to do, what to do... What to do about this thing she'd basically threatened him into saying without having any plan prepared for how to deal with it when he'd actually done as she'd asked.

Given that all of this thought processing happened in about ten seconds, it wasn't all that surprising (to me at least) that her reaction was just as abrupt and confusing as the flurry of mental commentary had been. "You..... Stop it," she barked at him stupidly, immediately feeling like the idiot she was. "No, I mean..." Fin said quite quickly afterwards, only to shake her head and pace a couple of steps to her left, as though being in that spot would do something to help her think better, "Well, yeah. Just stop. Stop for a sec."

Yes, Finn. Stop for a second so that she could continue to panic and change her mind and think of more clearly hypocritical things to say to him. Just keep starting and stopping and jumping through the hoops and climbing over the blockades. Because the sad truth was that even though Finn had laid his armor down, he had picked a woman who had continued to sharpen her arsenal safely behind her own iron fortress.

just as surprised as you are :o

In that moment he was prepared for her to run again, he stood there not wanting to take any step further fearing that maybe as he did so he'd spook her away. He was prepared to see her run off into the distance of maybe lash at him with angry words, but she didn't. Instead she simply stopped his speech asking him for a second of silence.

Finn obliged, of course, pressing his lips back together and sealing them before another crazy 'i love you' could slip through. The whole situation was as new to her as it was to him. Never had the young cassanova had thought of pronouncing such words, let alone meaning them. What had begun as an innocent flirting back and forth had turned into somehting solid and palpable; and without knowing how he even got there he was sure as hell he could not get out now.

She might've blamed him for not seeking to make this known before but now that his heart had woken from its slumber and his love was no longer dormant he was ready to defend their love with tooth and nail and shout his feelings form the rooftops.

He watched her shuffle from side to side, clearly overwhelmed by the weight of his confession, and with his eyes fixed on her the entire time, he waited for her to speak. He would've interjected now that words seemed to come by so easily, but absained from doing so since the last thing he wanted was to keep aggravating her.
So he bit his tongue and hoped to die quickly, because every second of silence felt like a knife in his heart and with every second more he felt himself bleeding out.

Finn fell silent, obedient to the Blackthorn's wishes which all at once surprised and infuriated her, neither of which was at all the appropriate reaction. It shouldn't have been surprising, for Fin ought to have opened her eyes to see that there was nothing her doppleganger would have denied her. He stood before her with his heart wrenched open at her paws, boldly baring it for better or worse a potential victim to her treacherous whims. It was exactly as she'd asked him to do, and just as she'd asked him for the silence he so willingly gave, it quickly became exactly the opposite of what she wanted.

Finley felt her limbs begin to tremble as she dug her way through her thoughts, but she forced herself to steady with equal parts stubbornness and determination. She shut her eyes and took a few deep breaths, attempting to calm her mind so that she could approach the matter at hand. Finally, she opened her eyes again and parted her lips, though she kept her gaze protectively averted from his face, knowing very well the weakness she had to those olive eyes.

"Finn... I just.. I wanted you to come to the Caldera with me, I didn't..." The moment the words began to come, she felt them falter as she began to rethink all of the sentences she'd strung together in her head, "This is just way more than I.. expected..." She bit back the word wanted as it had almost escaped, knowing how deeply it would hurt him, and also knowing how uncertain she was of it's truth. Was it really more than she wanted? She didn't know, she didn't know... Why couldn't she just know?

Fin forced herself to steal a glance at his face, knowing the heartbreak she'd see upon it would only serve to torment her. She had never despised herself more fully. She was killing him, killing herself, and all she wanted to do was run like hell from it all.

The silence that followed was completely excruitiating for Finn, for a moment he could've sworn he was back in a cave with the cold, damp walls pressing against his sides as he simply stared into her eyes. The words he had pronounced could not be taken back (nor did he want to), and while he waited for her to give him a sign or a word he felt as if her silence was holding him at gunpoint, threatening to blow his brains out with the next words.

He licked his lips and parted his mouth to break the silence he she had requested but hesitated when the light of her face was drained out only to be replaced with a somber expressison that would've been enough to drive the old Finn away. But not now. Fearing his lack of words would drive her away (again) more than the fact maybe it were his own words what would curse him to be without her, he finally spoke. You're the one good thing that's ever happened to me. And me? I don't get good things very often. he barked, his voice soft and collected even if his insides were screaming.

It was then that she decided to speak, telling him how she had wanted him to go to the Caldera. This, was something Finn had expected, and though he had had his reasons not to go to the Caldera -- the reasons to stay at the Plateu were also plummeting to the ground. While he had found the comfort of friends in the Plateu, he had lost the biggest friend of all; and while he had been wary about Peregrine's capacity to lead a pack he had decided that in the list of wolves he wasn't fond of, his precious daughter outranked him.
Besides, he knew in the bottom of his heart that he rather live a miserable life in the Caldera, considering he suspected he wouldn't be so warmly welcome, than a lonely one in the Plateu.

The male opened his mouth again, ready to release such thoughts in front of Finley's feet, but before any sound could erupt from his lips she cut him off with words of steel that sinked to the deepest end of his wrenched heart like a knife cutting through flesh. The pain that shot through him forced him to jerk his head to the side as his face contorted into an expression of pure agony.
He had had to deal with rejection before -- starting from his own father (or so he thought) but it had never hit him so hard like right now.

I did not expect to fall for you either he rasped, returning the female's glance. But my mind cannot go for more than a second without missing you, I see you in the stars everynight and it's killing me he croaked, remebering the rush of adrenaline that had flooded his veins while they ran together to the ends of the earth chasing a light in the sky. Why couldn't it be like that again?
Where had the sweetness gone?

He searched her eyes again, his olive eyes holding a single plead for her.
'put me out of my misery, take me in or throw me out,' they begged while blinking slowly, 'just put me out of my misery'.

In spite of her determination, Fin soon felt herself trembling again as her silver doppleganger replied to her words. She watched the pain twist across his face and felt it wrench through her own heart. She wanted to rush to him, to ease all of his agony and put him out of his misery with the affection he so desperately needed from her.

But she couldn't. Fin was frozen in place behind her fortress, unable to move forward and unable to step away in spite of how desperately she wanted to run for her life. For she truly felt that it was her life on the line. He could hurt her and she knew it. He could hurt her far worse than she was hurting him now, experience had taught her that lesson in the worst and most convincing way in the past. She didn't want to hurt again, nor did she want to cause that pain to Finn. It truly was a mercy, she told herself, hurting him now rather than letting it continue only to hurt him further down the road when it truly would kill him.

Because that's what would happen in the end. Fin had proven long ago that she could not be trusted to keep safe someone else's heart, nor was she even worthy of the honor. What did he even want her for anyway? A darkness began to seep into her thoughts that she hadn't felt in a long, long time. Like a caged animal, she felt the panic begin to set in, and suddenly it seemed to be speaking louder than all of the other emotions. Panic was winning the argument, crying out over her confusion and indecision.

"I'm not what you want, Finn," the Blackthorn insisted after another length of silence had settled between them, "You clearly don't know me very well if you think I am. Asking you to come to the Caldera was a mistake, and I'm not going to let you make it." She felt her hackles raise as she spoke, her temper flaring from thoughts that had nothing to do with him.

i meant to post yesterday but umph i got sleepy e____e

The stab wound he wore in his heart was draining all senses from him, while he had been able to turn and face her again he could no longer percieve the cold fingers of the wind clashing against him and ruffling his fur. He was now just a pretty face set in stone, with no strenght or force that could move him out of his sudden rush of numbness.

He peered into the dark abyss of her eyes, and as she squirmed unconfortably underneath her thick armor, he felt the light of his own eyes be deflected by the wall she had put up against him. She was untouchable. Uncompassionate to his pain and completely blind to the fact he had served his heart on a silver plate for her.

She had chewed him up and crushed his bones without a second thought.
She had eaten him alive, and though she now tried to dissuade him from trying to approach her again, Finn knew there was nothing in the world he wanted more than to be mashed between her jaws again. If life with her was meant to hurt, he'd become a sadic maniac. Because an intact heart without her was worth nothing now, the second she had left his heart had died, and he was determined to follow in its steps until Finley walked him into a grave of his own. If she was to be the death of him that was how he wanted to go.

Finn, like any other living being was destined to die, but he'd do it beside her or because of her. There was no in between.
You are exactly what I want. he barked, his tone hoarse and tired but still still wearing the same conviction and strenght than before. With your big doe eyes, your scars, your goofy laughter and your fears he added, feeling a big wave of word-vomit climb up the walls of his esophagus.

I cannot go without knowing if this thing I feel in my chest flows both ways he barked, watching as the biggest fear of rejection became undone before his very eyes.
The mercy kill was already done, now she'd have to decide whether she'd kill him for real.

U GET ALL THE WORDZ

His words were beginning to make her feel ill. Not for any disgust at hearing them, but at the guilt that twisted inside of her gut for knowing how he felt and crushing his hope anyway. Finley felt evil and cruel, and it made her sick.

Because she'd wanted him to feel that way for her. Fin had forgotten herself, had forgotten to be careful. Forgotten how dangerous the game she played truly was, for it always ended in bitter grief. She was not cut out for love--she took too little care of it, paid too little attention. She was too fickle and too reckless to be trusted, and yet there she was, destroying someone because she'd carelessly forgotten not to let him fall too far, knowing the consequences in store for them both.

She felt her heart being pulled in two at his declaration that he needed to know that he wasn't in this alone. Fin allowed herself to look sadly at his face, his eyes plunging the knife even further into her stomach. Of course it flowed both ways, of course it did. But that was too dangerous for them both. Fin was a fighter of grizzlies and mountain lions. She could never have survived her battles without knowing her limits and knowing the dangers. She tested her opponents for weaknesses she could exploit, and she knew her own and how to keep them well hidden. So too did she approach this situation. She knew the danger, and she knew her limits. Love was well beyond them. Love was the danger. And Fin never put herself in danger without reasonable confidence that she would escape without a scratch.

"Finn, I..." Fin replied slowly, stumbling, then swallowing hard the lump in her throat that formed. She cared for Finn, deeply. Far deeper than she'd cared for anyone in a long time. But it still was not enough. She'd thought it would be. She'd truly wanted it to be. But now, once she had it, she realized how foolish and thoughtless she'd been. She'd gotten carried away by the romance, forgetting all about everything that came with it. A life of loving him was not the life that she wanted. It came with too much pressure and too much risk, none of which Finley was at all ready for, nor could she imagine ever being ready for.

"I care about you... A lot," she continued, feeling the tears stinging her eyes, "But I don't want all of this, the whole.. let's be together forever.. thing. I don't do that sort of thing. I don't do the whole.. 'love' thing. I just..." Fin paused, the struggle to find the right words so very difficult for her. Finally, she sighed and shook her head. "You might want me, but you'd never really have me, not all of me, not in the way that you want..." she said, rather wishing she'd just told him 'no' and sent him on his way. It would've been a lot easier than talking about all of these... feelings.

Timing really was everything. And this time, it just wasn't time.

had not posted because I literally didn't have the heart to
but here it goes *______*

Oddly enough, the bitter aftertaste left in his mouths by those same words was what rove the man to clench his jaws together in hopes the flowery description he had spewed at her feet had not brought her stomach acids to climb up her esophagus as well.
He had never behaved this way before.
Not when he had left his frail mother behind to persue his own adventures, and not when he had learned his father had not given two shits about his existance (in his mind).

Unwittingly, the sight of her being so close yet so untouchable or the fear of loosing all he had at once, had provoked the strange feelings broiling in the depths of his stomach. Maybe it had been a combination of it all what had pulled the stings of his heart to make him sing and dance to beats he would never even move to, causing him to speak in languages foreign both to him and her.
Love.

Neither of them knew what that was.
And neither of them was ready to know yet.

If there had been a way Finn could swallow the words he had pronounced he would, not caring of the poison she had returned them (or failed to) with. But words were said and knives were thrown. And even if there was no way to clean up, or undo what he had already done, he could at least use the sharp dagger she had pushed into his chest to make a clean cut.

You're right. he barked hoarsely, refusing to let his now emtpy eyes waver from her own. You don't have time for this. And I don't have the power to make you stay. he went on, feeling the belated sting of his words pierce through the tender skin of his heart. I don't take back what I said, but I do regret saying it today. he concluded, feeling that even if he ripped his heart out literally for her she would turn her face away anyways.
His heart no longer interested her it seemed.
He had offered it a bit too late, a bit too blindly.

I wish you well, Fin. See ya. he breathed at last,noting the way her name rolled off his tongue was no longer sweet.
Again, Finn would refuse to say goodbye.
Because even if she had efficiently been the death of him, he suspected that this would not be the last she saw of him.
At least he could hope so.

;__; this almost made me cry at work. Thank god my coworkers are all at meetings..

Fin watched as before her eyes, a change came over her doppleganger. It was as though her words had drained away his very soul, and there was nothing there now but cold and emptiness. The sight made her insides twist in anguish. Suddenly she was doubting every word she'd said. She did love him, she did want to be with him, she didn't want him to go, no please don't go...

But Fin held her tongue, now knowing better than to trust herself or these emotions. For the moment she ran to him would be the moment she changed her mind again, and as horribly as it pained her to let him walk away, she knew that she had to. Otherwise, she'd only end up destroying him even further when her fickle heart decided it was time to wander off again.

"I'm so sorry..." Fin whispered as the platinum male began to disappear from sight, knowing he'd never hear her. It was better that way, though. It was better that he never hear her voice again. She wanted so desperately for him to forget he'd ever met her, that he'd ever loved her, even though the thought brought the sting of tears to her eyes. They pooled there thickly beneath her chocolate irises, but even as they trickled down her cheeks, she held back the sobs in her throat. She didn't deserve the relief of crying. She deserved nothing but the misery and shame that coursed through her veins and the marrow of her bones.

It was a long while before Finley finally turned away from the spot on the horizon where she knew, somewhere Finn was dragging the broken pieces of his heart back to the Plateau. In silence, she began her own journey home, leaving her own wrecked heart there upon the plains to scatter and fade into the falling snow.