Moonspear as my dreams are falling apart

A grumpy, envious butt of a wild Tev. edited so that it's "fast-forwarded" a few days after their birthday

Tevinter had a shitty birthday. He supposed that he should have been a good big brother and been supportive of his twin's rise to leadership but ...Tevinter wasn't a good brother. He'd been told that enough times that finally, it sunk into his thick skull. He was a shitty brother, a shitty son; and he always got the short end of the stick, didn't he? He was the one with the vision impairment. It was him the bear had went after, and through it all he kept having it used against him, but no one seemed to stop and ask how it had torn his own life apart — because the fact of it was they were a selfish family. Every last one of them. They only cared about themselves and perhaps it was better that way, but it created the ugliness that he now had to sift through. His own twin was more favored over him, more obedient and more perfect in every way. Of course Charon would reward that, because Floki appeared to be a blind follower to Tev, even siding against their own mother and the true authority of Stavanger Bay. Instead of feeling proud as he should have all Tev could feel was his heart sinking further and weighing more than it had previously. 

The worst part was Tev had to find out through the pack howl. That made it hurt more. Like he wasn't good enough for Floki to come tell personally. Probably because he wasn't, didn't that fact alone say as much? For Tev actions spoke so much louder than words ever could and unfortunately, whether his assumptions were true or not he stuck by how he interpreted things.

The higher up Moonspear Tev climbed the colder the air felt, and he shivered violently for a moment, pressing the side of his body against the sturdy rock wall on one side of him, peering over at the drop off below him. He was up too high to be able to tell just how high he'd climbed and that was reassuring. It meant he was up high, though he was not sure if it was high enough. He felt awful because he was envious, of everything Floki was and everything his twin had (which probably included Wildfire, too. Tev couldn't be sure but he had his suspicions) while ...he got nothing, even when he made efforts. The problem was Tev couldn't be obedient and he wasn't going to blindly follow someone simply because they were his brother (especially when said someone insulted him, which, no, he's not over). Again, Tev felt the painful consideration that he should have went with Scimitar when the Frostfur had nearly begged him to. Because then he wouldn't know and he wouldn't care so damn much and feel so miserable about caring.

He found an outcropping and went as far as he could before he reclined back, squinting against the harsh breeze that chilled him to the very bone. Maybe if he was cold enough, if he stayed up here then he wouldn't think about anything than how frigid it was. He'd always thought that Floki and him would lead together, someday. That'd always been his dream, because they were a pair. You couldn't have one without the other, and stupidly, that was the train of thought Tevinter had reverted back too; but Floki appeared to be doing just fine on his own and even Thistle was coming around — not that Tev accredited that to his reappearance. Surely, his mother would have came around even if he wouldn't have came back. 

And then there was the pit in his stomach that told him that he would never be like Ragnar, no matter how hard he tried; and then fact that him thinking anyone needed him was a massive (and not funny, mind) joke. “Yeah, happy birthday to you, Tev.” He murmured bitterly into the frigid air, puffing up to glare icily at the distant and dark horizon, as if he were nothing more than a ghost (which was what he felt like these days).