Morningside Cuesta ii. nine lives

“It’s not about enough!” he said, the words erupting before he could stop them. He hadn’t yelled, but he’d spoken louder than he’d meant to. “It’s not - it wasn’t supposed to be like this, okay? Don’t you - I raised that girl, Akuti. I fed her and protected her, and I watched her skip around that mountain, watched her grow - ”

His voice broke, and he hung his head even as he pushed himself to his paws. The den was too small for all these feelings; the walls seemed to be closing in on him.

He slipped out of the den, but remained near the entrance, blood rushing past his ears. “I was supposed to be her uncle, and she made me choose. I think about her every day, just like I think about Sunny. I’m not fantasizing. I’m worried. Her father just died, and I was all she had left. I thought she’d go to Easthollow, but she’s not there. I don’t think she even stopped there.”

The words poured out of him, months of worry, of nightmares. He paced back and forth, too agitated to be still, unable to catch his breath. It didn’t take long for his steam to run out, though, and he stood staring up at the baleful white ghost that was the moon.
“Mostly, I dream that she’s a baby again, and while my back is turned - she dies.”

He shook his head, anger fading. “I am trying. Does it seem like I’m not there for you? Does it seem like I don’t care, or like I wish I was somewhere else? I love you, Khoe, but it’s not gonna stop the nightmares. If you want, I’ll sleep somewhere else.”