Duskfire Glacier Oh, how they tear at you now

that's alright! Sorry for such a long post 

She trailed along beside him, silent as a ghost and sneaking glances at him occasionally. It was still hard to believe that he'd returned - certain as she'd been that nanuk's younger brother was gone for good. 

He was silent - he was waiting for her to speak after all - and for a moment the silence hangs between them as Tapeesa tried to summon her courage. Finally, she took a deep breath and with her heart in her throat, she began to speak.

"I was...dealing with something before I even arrived here but that's a story for a different time," she began, tones soft and neutral. Her head ducked, as if aware of the scars disfiguring her face and throat and trying to hide them subtly from sight.

"Siarut found me. He was kind. Gentle. He offered me place amongst his family, like they were my own kin. Something about the way he spoke to me...I don't know. I wanted to know him," she admitted. She remembers it like a different life time, the strange charge of what seemed to be attraction between them. 

"I was interested in him and from the way he acted...I thought maybe it was mutual,"her gaze dropped to her feet. "But it wasn't. Eventually he just stopped speaking to me. I thought perhaps it had something to do with Takiyok's warning - trying to keep him away from me as well but it seems unlikely now." She shook her head slightly, thinking of the relationship she had with Takiyok. They couldn't be called friends but the Malguk had her loyalty.

"Your family was not very welcoming," she admitted, "with Takiyok's aggression and Shivali and Siarut's indifference, it didn't feel like I was part of the family let alone the pack. It felt like my worth was dependent on how much I worked. It felt like there were two groups in the pack - the Ateneq family and the rest of us misfits."

Her sneer was aimed at the nearby trees, for that was exactly how IkKanattuk felt in the beginning, and sometimes still. "It felt as if I was there merely to hunt for the puppies, to chase off or fight any threats I came across in our travels."

She shook her head, drawing to a halt. "This was around the time you disappeared." Her gaze was drawn to him, though there was no judgement there. "I started leaving too. If they wanted to me work, then I'd show them what work looked like. I regretted joining Siarut, certain that if I'd rather spend my time away from the pack alone, then it couldn't be a good sign for the future." She began to walk once again, padding softly through the conifers with the needles to cushion her steps.

"But what was I supposed to do?" Her laugh was humorless. "I don't speak the common tongue. Where could I go? I remained, devoting myself to the tasks expected of me but not for Siarut. For Tahani and Shivali and their pups, who showed me kindness." Icy resolve was in her gaze for it was the truth, as treasonous as it sounded.

"When we arrived at the glacier, I confronted Siarut. I asked him if he'd ever liked me and he confessed that he didn't. That I was like a sister to him." There was no sadness in her eyes, only a blank silver gaze met the trees. She had not pined for Siarut pathetically but accepted that she had been mistaken. 

"That didn't bother me so much. The rejection stung but I'd moved on, it was just the idea of him using me that hurt. Had he only pretended to like me so he would have another recruit? It was the only reason I asked, for closure, but his lies hurt more."

"Sister?" She snorted. "Please. We've spoken once since then. I'm not part of his family, we're not even friends. I know I'm supposed to respect him - he's in charge but," she shook her head, "how do you follow a leader, respect them, if you never even see them?"

"I don't know why I stayed. For your sisters and the children? Because I had nowhere and nobody else? I don't know. I guess I don't want to be a quitter," she whispered, glancing to the red moon. Why had the gods chosen this path for her, what did she linger so for?

"I guess it just wore me down. I stopped seeking out the rest of the pack, I didn't want their company or so called family. I started having nightmares again. I started taking mushrooms, lost track of when I was supposed to eat. I got sick, somewhere inside, stopped caring about..anything." The words should sound concerned, sad, anything, but she's numb. The drugs have taken their toll and with the story she has given all her emotion - leaving her drained.

"I'm gonna get better. If I don't, my only other option is leaving and I refuse to do that. This is my home," Uki murmured feeling an attachment to this land if nothing else. 

Her gaze was drawn to Tomkin, wondering what he would think. Would her honesty about his family anger him? The thought made her nervous for she was in no shape to fight but Tomkin seemed too gentle to strike merely out of ire. 

Anaktok slowed to a halt, turning to the aarluk hesitantly as she waited to hear his response.