Swiftcurrent Creek Pick you up, let you down

@Alessia set for 2/1

He wasn't sure how long he had sat at the borders hanging his head. The passing time meant nothing as shame and desolation rolled through every single part of his body and when he had finally risen to his feet, it was with the feeling that some part of him was broken beyond repair. He had some kind of flaw inside him, and maybe that was the source of the curse all along. The universe had seen inside the depths of him and found ugliness and had seen fit to take the plateau from him. Then that ugliness had finally shown itself as he destroyed his marriage and the woman who had only ever loved him unconditionally. His mistake had spread through his life like a virus, slowly infecting his relationships and leaving him completely alone. Ruenna hadn't said as much, but Kavik knew he was the reason she left--she hated him; she had every right to, and he had the feeling she wasn't the only one who felt that way. But no one hated him more than he hated him. 

Tonight, he slowly moved through the snow after a somewhat useless patrol; something that once gave him peace now seemed to only feel like going through the motions. When he had done about as much as he could stand, he turned and headed back towards his den, staring blankly at the path in front of him without actually seeing it. Over the last two days, numbness had started to slowly replace the unbearable anguish that had threatened to force him into unconsciousness at almost every miserable moment, and he used it to focus on getting himself to his den. He just needed to make it a little farther, and then he could collapse into blissful nothingness; it was far more than he deserved, but he didn't think he could survive much more of the day without some kind of relief.